Disappearing to the gym on Valentines Day.

[DemiMai]

Hi, would this annoy anyone else, or am I just going over the top?

So my husband is massively into the gym. Weight lifting in particular, and literaly goes every day.To cut a long story short there’s a woman that he’s ( very ) friendly with there that I’m not very comfortable with.

They chat all the time, before, during and after their workouts. She’s also in a relationship but not a very good one. She’s constantly moaning and asking my husband for advice.

Anyway I asked him on Saturday if he’d like to spend the day with me. My mum offered to have the kids Friday night till Sunday morning. So Breakfast in bed, go out for lunch, maybe have a few drinks etc. He’s straight up refused saying he’s going to the gym for 2/3 hours in the morning, and when he gets back we can do something together in the afternoon,

I’m not a needy person at all, but it annoys me that he can’t spend one whole day with me, also the fact I know he’s going to be there chatting to this girl the whole time, when I’m just sat at home waiting around for him.

Am I just going over the top or is this really selfish of him? Before anyone asks, I know they chat all the time because he tells me.

He's not completely refusing to spend time with you. I don’t see the harm in still going to the gym for a couple of hours. A whole weekend for a made up celebration is a little excessive.

If he goes every day and he can't give up one visit to spend a day with his wife then I'm afraid he's an addict and you are not his priority. The woman is incidental as in shes in the proximity of his addiction so he's by default spending more time with her than he is with you. Anything done to excess is distress IE addiction and at present he values the gym more than his marriage. Maybe he needs a rude awakening.

The fact that you have to ask your DH to spend a day with you, Valentines or not, should tell you all you need to know.

It’s rubbish but I wouldn’t let it ruin your day. Just do stuff with him in the afternoon and evening. It’s a shame he won’t miss the gym but at least you’re aware of that an can plan accordingly

I don’t see why he can’t spend a couple of hours at the gym, as it’s his routine. The female may be a different issue

You're married to a gym bore who goes there 'literally every day' so I wouldn't expect anything less.

The woman is a red herring really as it sounds like he'd go there whether she was there or not.

Does his obsession with weightlifting affect the amount of parenting he does?

I do hope not but I expect it does.

Going to the gym would be fine with me, as I could do the same.

You have the rest of the day together.

Does he get guest passes? Or can he get you one? Maybe he could share his interest with you for a morning?
You'll know if the other stuff is dodgy by his reaction.

It wouldn’t really bother me tbh, I would meet a friend for a few hours or something.

As for the woman - who knows only you know if he’s a trustworthy type or not.

I don’t think he’s being unreasonable in wanting to go to the gym… even on Valentine’s Day. I can see all the classes at my gym are full, as usual.

The gym wouldn't bother me, you still have the rest of the day to spend together.
Why do you need to sit at home and wait for him? Go do your own thing...breakfast at a Cafe, nails, shopping, walk, whatever you want!
YABU

Unless you’re both 16, it seems over the top and intense for Valentine’s Day. His compromise seems more than reasonable.

Do adults alter their plans for the whole of valentines day?

Is 'gym 'code for shagging the woman from the gym?

Doing some exercise on Valentines wouldn’t bother me. Going for 2-3 hours every single day would.

Well I hope not

I would bite your arm off for an offer like that! Saturday morning lie in, then a lovely romantic day - all child free! Sounds like a dream! I mean, is a couple of hours apart in the morning really going to make a big difference to your day? You can do whatever you want, he can get the exercise out the way and then you can spend a lovely relaxing day together.

Also why are you waiting around for him? Don’t you have a tv/book/extreme sports hobby/musical instrument/cafe/shop/literally any other thing to do other than sit mourning the time spent without your husband?

I’d be really pissed off if my partner tried to stop me going to the gym when I was planning on spending the rest of the weekend with them.

If the gym is very important then I wouldn’t even ask. Face it it’s not the time it’s this other woman! Do you not trust him? Would he go if she’s not there? Do you know for a fact she will be?
My DH went to the gym every day at 6am. Sure I’d have loved it if we could have the occasional chilled Sunday morning but it was his thing so I’d rather he went and felt good about going than not go and be antsy about it.

I think 2-3 hours in the morning is ok, say 9/10 till 12 and then you can still have lunch and a nice afternoon/ evening together.

It’s more the fact he won’t ever take a weekend off to spend with me and / or the kids.

It seems you come pretty low on his list of priorities.

His addiction to the gym and his " friendship" with this woman are more important than you, his DW.

I honestly couldn't be bothered with this relationship OP. If you want a marriage with a life partner who cares about you and wants to spend time with you I'm afraid you have backed the wrong horse.

Just let him go to the gym and spend the other 22 hours of the day together!

Valentine's Day does not seem to be the issue here.