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Original poster

Disappearing to the gym on Valentines Day.

79 replies

DemiMai · 12/02/2026 19:04

Hi, would this annoy anyone else, or am I just going over the top?

So my husband is massively into the gym. Weight lifting in particular, and literaly goes every day.To cut a long story short there’s a woman that he’s ( very ) friendly with there that I’m not very comfortable with.

They chat all the time, before, during and after their workouts. She’s also in a relationship but not a very good one. She’s constantly moaning and asking my husband for advice.

Anyway I asked him on Saturday if he’d like to spend the day with me. My mum offered to have the kids Friday night till Sunday morning. So Breakfast in bed, go out for lunch, maybe have a few drinks etc. He’s straight up refused saying he’s going to the gym for 2/3 hours in the morning, and when he gets back we can do something together in the afternoon,

I’m not a needy person at all, but it annoys me that he can’t spend one whole day with me, also the fact I know he’s going to be there chatting to this girl the whole time, when I’m just sat at home waiting around for him.

Am I just going over the top or is this really selfish of him? Before anyone asks, I know they chat all the time because he tells me.

OP posts:
Nugg · 12/02/2026 20:54

The fact he goes daily is an issue. Anyone into proper fitness knows you need rest days…

TwistedWonder · 12/02/2026 21:17

LlynTegid · 12/02/2026 20:52

Valentine's Day does not seem to be the issue here.

Completely agree. The day is irrelevant, there’s a far bigger issue at play here.

FieryA · 12/02/2026 21:24

There are two separate problems here. One is his over friendliness with the female friend, which is making you uncomfortable. The other is his priority of spending time with you in general seems quite low. In this particular situation, can he not go early in the morning to the gym, so you can have a proper day together, rather than afternoon onwards? This, of course, leads to bigger questions- does he enjoy spending time with family, do you guys go on date nights, what is your relationship like etc.
What is his response to your distaste towards his friendship? Does he respect your opinions?

outerspacepotato · 12/02/2026 23:00

I think his going to the gym is fine. I think expecting him to be in your presence the entire day and evening is a bit much. Going to the gym is a daily activity for a lot of people and I think you're unreasonable to object to it.

But you're dead on to be wary of the new woman gym friend. Chatting constantly during a workout isn't the norm, most people are there to work out. It's distracting. I've got gym buddies and we chat, but nobody's there whining about their relationship to the nearest gymbro. She sounds like she could be a needy person looking for a White Knight.

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 12/02/2026 23:14

DemiMai · 12/02/2026 20:18

It’s more the fact he won’t ever take a weekend off to spend with me and / or the kids.

It's time you took a leaf out of his book and started to prioritise yourself, starting this Saturday! Take some time to go for a facial, a manicure, have a long bath, whatever.

InWithPeaceOutWithStress · 12/02/2026 23:15

It’s never recommended to go every single day to the gym. Rest days are really important. Taking a weekend off every now and again to spend time with his family would support his fitness goals. 3 hours in the gym every single day is crazy. Confiding in a ‘friend’ of the opposite sex about your relationship issues is emotional affair territory.

Fluffypotatoe123987 · 12/02/2026 23:52

My bf is finishing my kitchen off before we go to the park for a walk. Collect his motor bike then back to his before I take my daughter to her dads and we have evening and a walk in peaks Sunday. I was planning on going to a gym class whilst he fitted my kitchen however given your judging him I am now wondering whether I shouldn’t go to the gym!!!

Fluffypotatoe123987 · 12/02/2026 23:52

But maybe go to the gym yourself with him

BansheeOfTheSouth · 13/02/2026 00:05

You framed your response to this all wrong - "Sounds great hun, will be wonderful to go to the gym together for a change."

Even if you would rather have a root canal, go with him. See for yourself what is really going on. FWIW a very lovely former partner of mine had become a bit of a gym rat, it was starting to annoy me. I went with him a few times and he was absolutely thrilled about it (I lasted about 2 weeks!), he really was just that into the gym.

JustGiveMeReason · 13/02/2026 00:05

I agree with many pps.

The issue here is bigger than these 2 - 3 hours.

Why is he going every day?
Where are his rest days?
Whereas, in principle I don't see that you need to be upset at him wanting to do something else for part of one day of a weekend, I WOULD see it as an issue if he is spending 2 - 3 hours at the gym x 7 days a week. Even more so as you apparently have young dc. When is he doing his fair share of parenting and all the dull, mundane tasks we all have to do in life to keep a home running ?

As I say, if there were something specific going on (he had a ticket for something on that day) or he were part of a team that needed him for a match I wouldn't have an issue with him taking 3 hours out for that, but I would have an issue with him being so rigid about something he does EVERY DAY, that he can't miss a session.

sittingonabeach · 13/02/2026 00:09

Wife and kids obviously come low down in his list of priorities if he has to go every day

jackdunnock · 13/02/2026 00:43

I can't see the issue with going to the gym for a couple of hours on valentine's day by itself - in isolation that's fine. But quite how a parent of young DC has the time to go to the gym every single day is beyond me. That's the real issue at hand, isn't it? (I'm assuming that he is father to your DC)

BringBackCatsEyes · 13/02/2026 07:56

It’s the attitude which is upsetting IMO.
It sounds like NOTHING will interrupt his gym routine. My ex was like that with cycling.
He’d just shrug and say that’s how it was, like it or lump it. It was the inflexibility and disregard for me or anyone/anything else really. His needs came first. It’s not attractive.

Frenchfrychic · 13/02/2026 08:01

sittingonabeach · 13/02/2026 00:09

Wife and kids obviously come low down in his list of priorities if he has to go every day

Oh for goodness sake, he’s also allowed to do things for himself. It the genders were reversed people would be saying he’s so needy of course you can spend a couple of hours apart.

CloakedInGucci · 13/02/2026 08:11

Him going to the gym every single day and having a friendship you’re not comfortable with seem like the actual issues that you need to address with him.

I’m going to the gym tomorrow. I’d think DH was a bit mad if he got cross because he thought we had to spend the whole day together.

frozendaisy · 13/02/2026 08:48

DemiMai · 12/02/2026 20:18

It’s more the fact he won’t ever take a weekend off to spend with me and / or the kids.

This is different
might be a perfect time to point this out to him
if you are prepared to leave him give him the ultimatum (nicely more as a matter of fact statement than a threat) us or the gym

and don’t you have better results with exercise when you incorporate rest days?

RudolphTheReindeer · 13/02/2026 08:57

Yes I'd be annoyed as you're child free and that's a treat! There's lots of things you can do for a day but an afternoon would be too short and it's one day.

Frenchfrychic · 13/02/2026 09:31

RudolphTheReindeer · 13/02/2026 08:57

Yes I'd be annoyed as you're child free and that's a treat! There's lots of things you can do for a day but an afternoon would be too short and it's one day.

Huh? But she doesn’t want to do anything for a day, she wants breakfast in bed, lunch and booze, he’s said he’s going to the gym in the morning, and can do after that, so she still can have lunch and her drinks.

she can even do all three, but I see no reason why he’s got to sit there at home. Waiting to go out for lunch rather than spend a couple of hours down the gym,

intrepidpanda · 13/02/2026 09:35

Why should valentines day change his daily routine. Breakfast in bed may be your idea of fun but not necessarily his. He is spending the afternoon with and the morning for himself. Fair compromise IMO.

Miranda65 · 13/02/2026 09:37

Valentines Day is a whole 24 hours, so absolutely no need to spend all that time together! Your partner's suggestion sounds very reasonable. Romance doesn't mean being joined at the hip - nor does it mean sounding 'needy'.
(However, I don't agree that being a gym bore is off-putting).

intrepidpanda · 13/02/2026 09:39

frozendaisy · 13/02/2026 08:48

This is different
might be a perfect time to point this out to him
if you are prepared to leave him give him the ultimatum (nicely more as a matter of fact statement than a threat) us or the gym

and don’t you have better results with exercise when you incorporate rest days?

Show quote history

This a bit much even for mumsnet
LTB for going to the gym??
Nobody needs to be spending 100% of their free time together (even OP who should get a hobby for self time too)

99bottlesofkombucha · 13/02/2026 09:39

What happens when you go on holiday? Book a weekend away, up to him if he comes. That will tell you a lot. But you had definitely better go away, whether he does or not!

KoalaKoKo · 13/02/2026 09:44

I’m going to go against the grain here - does he spend every Saturday and Sunday morning in the gym while you look after the kids? Does he go when the kids are awake during the week, leaving you with bedtimes, dinner and kid related stuff? If so the problem is bigger than Valentine’s day! He should be doing mornings sorting the kids at least one day at the weekends. I am not big into Valentines but I do tend to have one day every weekend where me and my partner do a day trip or something with our kid - if he had to spend the morning in the gym that would not happen (unless he is going early and back by 9am).

I do every weekday getting our kid up and dressed so Saturdays it is my partner’s job! You rarely hear of women with kids having the time to go to the gym 2-3hours a day! How much does he actually do in terms of minding his own children?

Squirrelchops1 · 13/02/2026 09:45

It's my birthday today and valentines day tomorrow, I'll be in the gym for both

FitnessTrainer2020 · 13/02/2026 09:48

weewillywink · 12/02/2026 19:07

He's not completely refusing to spend time with you. I don’t see the harm in still going to the gym for a couple of hours. A whole weekend for a made up celebration is a little excessive.

I agree with this as the gym is a huge hobby of his and he loves it. He wouldn't enjoy sitting around in bed durijg the morning, he's a get up and go workout type (I am like that too and I think my husband is amazing, so it wouldn't be badly intended on my part!).

The woman is another issue entirely. I don't k ow if they're just buddies or if there is more too it, I hope there isn't.

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