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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Happy fecking fathers day...just kicked dh out!!

92 replies

Nemoandthefishes · 15/06/2008 12:39

feckfeckfeck
he pisses me off so much we have been down this road before but this is the first time I have physically turfed him out the door. He has spent stupid amount of money on his computer crap again and I cant be doing with it. He bought something for £150 on a week when I was scrimping[he was well aware] to get £50 together to buy some food shopping. Its the last straw so have kicked him out dont know where he has gone but am so angry with him i dont care. dont know if he will be coming back but I packed a bag for him

OP posts:

Buda · 15/06/2008 12:41

Oh dear. I am sorry. I don't know what to say but just wanted you to be 'heard'.

How does he justify spending on non-essentials when you are struggling for food money?

RubySlippers · 15/06/2008 12:41

nemo - am sorry to hear this

perhaps this will give him the kick up the butt to sort himself out

do you want him to come back?

BreeVanDerCampLGJ · 15/06/2008 12:43

He really needs to grow up.

aGalChangedHerName · 15/06/2008 12:44

Poor you Hope it gives him a big kick up the arse and knocks some sense into him?
xx

misdee · 15/06/2008 12:45

oh what an arse!

Original poster

Nemoandthefishes · 15/06/2008 12:46

buda i dont know as i didnt want to hear is excuses we have been through this soo many times although admittedly its over 6mths since the last one but I cant have him doing that again

ruby I do as we were actually talking about ttc no.4 and i love him to death I just cant have him being that destructive with our finances

OP posts:

Original poster

Nemoandthefishes · 15/06/2008 12:46

misdee while we were away he kept telling me not to spend money and now I know why we were on holiday ffs and wanted the dc to enjoy it

OP posts:

loopylou6 · 15/06/2008 12:49

Sounds like you may of given him the wakeup call he needed. How can he think its ok to spend all that money on something irrelevant. Do you not share money or do you have yours and his?

RubySlippers · 15/06/2008 12:49

oh Nemo - then i hope he does come back and you sort it out

destructive is such an apt word

BreeVanDerCampLGJ · 15/06/2008 12:50

So you went away for a well earned break and he was controlling the purse strings and telling you not to spend too much ??

And yet he was plotting to spend £150 on himself.

Take all his cards from him and give him pocket money, if he wants to act like a child, then you need to treat him like a child.

Original poster

Nemoandthefishes · 15/06/2008 12:54

bree we have been down that road before and he suggested that himself but its not the point. I have 3 kids under 5 I dont need him to be another.

OP posts:

BreeVanDerCampLGJ · 15/06/2008 12:58

Fair enough, but I would do it, if only for your own peace of mind. TBH

Put a time limit on it.

Original poster

Nemoandthefishes · 15/06/2008 13:05

If he comes back which as yet am undecided about then I will be taking his card

OP posts:

misdee · 15/06/2008 13:06

grrr what a twonk [sorry]

IllegallyBrunette · 15/06/2008 13:08

Nemo, taking his card is fine and perfectly understandable, but it has to be a temp solution.

I used to have xp's card and he'd then have to ask if he wanted any money. I had good reasons for it, but it did contribute to the eventual split, as he felt like he was working for nothing, because he never had access to his own money.

TheTeaspoonLady · 15/06/2008 13:09

Sorry to hear this, Nemo.
Well done for taking a stand, though.
Hopefully you can both move forward, and make him realise that he needs to be sensible re your finances.

sweetkitty · 15/06/2008 13:09

oh nemo sorry to hear this, I hope he's back soon and you can both get it sorted

In our family it's me thats the spender so I have given DP my cards and if I want to use them I have to ask him for them back and it makes me justify spending the money IYSWIM. I don't have to "ask" him and he's very good about it being our money just that I have to not be impulsive and think about what I am spending more.

wotulookinat · 15/06/2008 13:15

Maybe it was an impulse buy - men aren't generally clever enough to plot
Seriously, though, where might he have gone to?

Original poster

Nemoandthefishes · 15/06/2008 13:15

I wouldnt mind I dont mind him buying himself nice things but about 2 months ago his dad gave us £2000 so I took some and paid some bills, paid for our holiday and put away money for spending money..he bought himself a new tv which ok I said fine but its not like he hasnt recently made a very big purchase.
He never knows how much money is in his account or where it has gone and in the past has spent mortgage money etc and I have had to ask him where its gone and I warned him that if it happened again he would be out.

OP posts:

Original poster

Nemoandthefishes · 15/06/2008 13:17

dont know where he has gone..probably driving around in his car at the min as he wont want to tell his dad why i have kicked him out

OP posts:

IllegallyBrunette · 15/06/2008 13:18

Can you not set it up so that all of the money needed for bills, goes into one account, and then whatever is left is split between you both and has to last the month, no dipping into the bill money ?

That way if he wants to make a big purchase, he has to wait until he has enough.

wotulookinat · 15/06/2008 13:19

It's very hard to control yourself if you have a problem with spending. I do, and I know it, so DH keeps my bank card (which isn't a debit card, just a cashpoint) with him as well as his. Sounds like he needs to acknowledge that you're better off controlling the money. Do you think he'd accept that though?

sweetkitty · 15/06/2008 13:20

I so hope it's the kick up the ass he needs, seriously I would be so pissed off if DP spent £150 on himself and never told me as he would be if I did too.

I have an excel spreadsheet now and log every £1 I spend and also check my bank account daily instead of being an ostrich burying my head in the sand about money. Maybe he needs to do something like that.

Original poster

Nemoandthefishes · 15/06/2008 13:27

he knows we have to check our money constantly etc as we are actually in an IVA and have been for 2 and a half years so we are on last chance saloon. IF we dont keep up with bills etc then we will loose our home!!!

OP posts:

MuthaHubbard · 15/06/2008 13:32

Oh nemo, so sorry he's done this.

In a way it is good that you've thrown him out (for however long you decide) as you warned him you would if he did this again. The fact that you followed through with your threat should make him realise you mean business.

Hope you get things sorted ((( )))

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