Happy fecking fathers day...just kicked dh out!!

[Nemoandthefishes]

feckfeckfeck
he pisses me off so much we have been down this road before but this is the first time I have physically turfed him out the door. He has spent stupid amount of money on his computer crap again and I cant be doing with it. He bought something for £150 on a week when I was scrimping[he was well aware] to get £50 together to buy some food shopping. Its the last straw so have kicked him out dont know where he has gone but am so angry with him i dont care. dont know if he will be coming back but I packed a bag for him

[YeahBut]

Well, you're absolutely right to be furious. It's utterly irresponsible.
Do you think he can sort himself out if you take him back?

[wonderwomanakaeandh]

nemo - 2nd what everyone has said

I have full control of our finances as dh is crap (his parents had to bail him out before I met him they took a £3k loan and his mum took control of his finances then)

We have a joint account which his salary goes into and bill account in my name my salary goes into, I trf £650 a month from his salary to bills account (with my salary pays the mtg, utilities etc) then out of his salry pays food, car loan, mobile bill then I withdraw £120 a week cash, £20 petrol for my car and then £50 each a week for lunches/extra petrol/I pay for dd's music class etc. He spends his on crap mainly (pop to tesco to get crisps if we've run out, probably get a takeaway one night, lottery.magazine, coffee at work etc) but its the only way we can do it, if he has a cash card he just spends and doenst know on what (we tried, I set up one that couldnt go o/d etc and transferred £200 over for a month and he spent it in 10days)

He is quite happy with this arrangement and as we have often have spare money after all the normal money been allocated if he wants something specific (ie new trainers etc) we just have a chat and if there are no othert things that need buying (ie dd's shoes/bigger bills etc) then he can have them

[Nemoandthefishes]

hi lulu I agree and told him as much on the fun a minute ago. He was crying etc and begging me not to let him loose everything which is hard as I do love him but then I listed every time he has done this type of thing and he has prioritised crap things in front of his family etc. He agreed and said he would rather have nothing and us so told him thats good as I already have plans to sell all his shite.

Yeahbut I dont know if he will change and thats what else I said its so childish what hes done I dont know if he will ever be different.

Only thing is this is the first time I have physically turfed him out[not just threatened it] and carried it out. Weird thing is I am not actually missing him..DC have asked for him but he phoned just before bed time so they are appeased for now apart from ds keeps asking when he will be home but just said he has a lot of jobs on.

[lulumama]

hope you work it out x

[Nemoandthefishes]

fun?? where did that come from..meant phone obviously..not thinking straight

thanks lulu

[bozza]

Nemo I think you are doing well and being strong, making him stay out and think about it. Could the recent £150 purchase be returned for a refund? And then you buy your pair of shoes?

[Nemoandthefishes]

lol bozza I did tell him I will be selling a lot of his stuff on the phone and he didnt say anything..now if only I could work out wht the feck it all does

[Nemoandthefishes]

ok he has been lying about bonus

[misdee]

w*nker!!!

[misdee]

how long has he been lying about it?

[Nemoandthefishes]

about 4 months

[misdee]

oh what a tossser!

why?

can u get his wages paid direct into your bank or joint account, and ahve everything on DD/SO, and then work it from there,.

[Nemoandthefishes]

i have his bank card at the min so if he comes back i will be keeping it and giving him pittance to live on..

[expatinscotland]

Im sorry this is happening to you, nemo. Hope you can work things out.

[Nemoandthefishes]

his dad is now on the phone to me

[bozza]

Better to take back the new item and get a full refund than sell it secondhand I would have thought. But I actually meant what I posted. And even more so now, given the revelation about the missing bonuses.

[Nemoandthefishes]

ok now i am fuming his dad hs just phoned to plea bargain on his behalf and then told me dh is a wreck etc etc so he is crying in the back ground like a twunt

Just phoned dhs mobile and spoke through gritted teeth

[MyDingaling]

So sorry to hear this Nemo.

[StrangeTown]

No answers or advice Nemo - just wanted to say sorry and hope you work something out. I agree about the issue of treating DH like a child with finances - it is bloody painful and so unnecessary, why can't they just take responsibility for themselves and your future?

[Thomcat]

Nemo, noooo, oh I'm so sorry.
Hope the two of you can work this out.

[Nemoandthefishes]

right working out a plan of action despite him being a lying fecker he has stood by me through some shitty times so
would £15 a week be too little/too much??
He doesnt have to pay for petrol or phones as both those paid form work. He literally buys himself a sandwich a couple of times a week. been through his account and money is mostly spent on dvds and computer crap from ebay.

[YeahBut]

Having a budget sounds good, lets everyone know where they stand. Perhaps you should let him convince you of what he needs, actually having to say it out loud may make him realise that he buys crap.
Tbh, I'd be more concerned about the lying. Making a decision to deprive his family of much needed income to fund his hobbies and lying about it is seriously crappy behaviour. I'd be tempted to let him stew at his parent's place for quite a while yet until you get it all sorted out.

[Nemoandthefishes]

oh believe me he is there stewing..I am just working out in my head what I want to happen.

[lizziemun]

I you can not afford to give him any money after you have paid bills/debts and bought food etc then he have to make his own lunch when he needs them.

If you do decide to give an allowance (?) then make sure you have the same.

[stoppinattwo]

Hi Nemo...........how are you today XX

Just nipped on while im in work

just to let you know, love ya lots whatever you do, you are a stronger person than you give youslef credit for, and you will make the right decision

If you need me just txt me, I will ring you back as soon asa I can SA2XX