Happy fecking fathers day...just kicked dh out!!

[Nemoandthefishes]

feckfeckfeck
he pisses me off so much we have been down this road before but this is the first time I have physically turfed him out the door. He has spent stupid amount of money on his computer crap again and I cant be doing with it. He bought something for £150 on a week when I was scrimping[he was well aware] to get £50 together to buy some food shopping. Its the last straw so have kicked him out dont know where he has gone but am so angry with him i dont care. dont know if he will be coming back but I packed a bag for him

[Apollinare]

Nemo

We also have an issue with Ebay here, and a shed and loft full of electronic crap, crap and more crap. I think some of it is just bought through boredom and some is justified as 'needed' (for what?), and some of it to resell at a'huge' profit, but never ever is, I will be watching out for the wise words coming your way!

[TotalChaos]

if he has memorised his card numbers he could still buy things over internet. you might want to watch for that.

[wonderstuff]

I think you are handing this brillia ntly nemo. lying about money is as hard as someine having an affair imo, is what broke my parents marriage, to this day have no idea what my dad spent the money on.. Hope the situation improves soon

[stoppinattwo]

Am glad.....you know in a weird way he might be relieved thtat you have taken away that money responsibility from him iykwim...just having not to think about it is what some people need.

Am glad he is playing with the DC's keep up the good work but dont let down that condition for one second XXX

[Nemoandthefishes]

he is here at the min come to see the kids.
Have agreed he can have £15 a week to buy everything he needs. Even if he is lying about the bonus now which I doubt as he doesnt have his bank card and wont be able to access his money at all unless its via me. He is actually outside playing with the DC which is a shock in itself as he rarely does that and when he does its under duress!!

[stoppinattwo]

WD nemo.............XX

[TotalChaos]

yes fraid I am also a bit about bonus. presumably bonus shows up on his payslips? you need access to his payslips for the time being I think because he hasn't been honest about pay. he's being a complete twat over the DVDs/HD stuff really.

[NotABanana]

Hi Nemo

So pleased you have taken control. I think £15 is quite enough tbh. He doesn't need money for lunch, car, phone etc and as he can't be trusted not to spend money on things he doesn't need, he should have a small amount until he sorts himself out.

Good luck.

[posieflump]

how does he manage to hide 200 quid's worth of stuff each month from you?
Definitely sounds like a addiction if he is lying and hiding things

[Ledodgy]

Sorry you're going through this Nemo. Do you believe that his bonus is now going to be three monthly? Just sounds a bit suss it's suddenly changing now...

[Nemoandthefishes]

Tc u know what dh is like its not normal dvds its all bloody HD stuff. He already has a huge dvd collection but has now taken to replacing them with HD versions of films he already had. Agree he needs to see GP and even his parents said he needs counselling. He has just phoned to say work have just told him his bonus will no longer but monthly but every 3 months which is not good but then suppose he has been spending that much anyway

[TotalChaos]

btw if he really wants DVDs that much then eh can a)borrow them from the library or b)he can do loads of online surveys to get credits that turn into HMV or CD-wow vouchers.

[TotalChaos]

if you go through your ebay account so that all that came from ebay can go back on ebay?

[shoulditrytomakeitwork]

glad you have worked out a way to try and make things work nemo. hope it all goes to plan for you.

good luck xxx

[TotalChaos]

only just seen this, very sorry that he has been such a twunt re:money. Wonder if he could do with seeing GP in case it's mild depression partly behind the overspending.

[MamaG]

Ah Nemo sorry you're going through this shit. I think you're handling it well though luv and doing the right thing.

[Nemoandthefishes]

thanks stoppin.I am ok just tired and drained..His dad phoned last night to say he was in bits etc etc so spoke to DH and told him to come round so we chatted for a bit then sent him back to his parents. Have decided will let him come back when I have calmed down and he will have £15 a week in cash and nothing else. He takes lunch to work quite often and also has his petrol and mobile paid by work so £15 is more than enough for bits and pieces. Also found out he had been lying when he said he wasnt getting all his bonus the past few months because he has still been getting £200 but spending it on dvds and such crap. So any other money in his account will be controlled by me

[stoppinattwo]

Hi Nemo...........how are you today XX

Just nipped on while im in work

just to let you know, love ya lots whatever you do, you are a stronger person than you give youslef credit for, and you will make the right decision

If you need me just txt me, I will ring you back as soon asa I can SA2XX

[lizziemun]

I you can not afford to give him any money after you have paid bills/debts and bought food etc then he have to make his own lunch when he needs them.

If you do decide to give an allowance (?) then make sure you have the same.

[Nemoandthefishes]

oh believe me he is there stewing..I am just working out in my head what I want to happen.

[YeahBut]

Having a budget sounds good, lets everyone know where they stand. Perhaps you should let him convince you of what he needs, actually having to say it out loud may make him realise that he buys crap.
Tbh, I'd be more concerned about the lying. Making a decision to deprive his family of much needed income to fund his hobbies and lying about it is seriously crappy behaviour. I'd be tempted to let him stew at his parent's place for quite a while yet until you get it all sorted out.

[Nemoandthefishes]

right working out a plan of action despite him being a lying fecker he has stood by me through some shitty times so
would £15 a week be too little/too much??
He doesnt have to pay for petrol or phones as both those paid form work. He literally buys himself a sandwich a couple of times a week. been through his account and money is mostly spent on dvds and computer crap from ebay.

[Thomcat]

Nemo, noooo, oh I'm so sorry.
Hope the two of you can work this out.

[StrangeTown]

No answers or advice Nemo - just wanted to say sorry and hope you work something out. I agree about the issue of treating DH like a child with finances - it is bloody painful and so unnecessary, why can't they just take responsibility for themselves and your future?

[MyDingaling]

So sorry to hear this Nemo.