Red flags in dating?

[Sheshappy123]

So I’ve been seeing this guy I met around a year ago… there a 16 year age difference (I’m 32 he’s 48) which doesn’t bother me as I’m really attracted to him we get along so well and always have a good time when were together always laughing etc, the sex is out of this world too although people have said to me that him going for younger women is a red flag and maybe he’s predatory or manipulative etc etc. There are a few things that I can’t shake off, like when were together his phone is completely silent like it’s on do not disturb he says he keeps it on silent so no one interrupts our time together (we usually see each other maybe once a week but we’re both busy, Im a single mum and hes divorced and has kids too) he occasionally takes me out on dates, he says he loves me and genuinely treats me that way when were together, I’ve fallen for him but for some reason feel like I can’t trust him completely but I don’t know if that’s because I’m generally anxious and came out of a long term unhappy relationship. He hasn’t met my children although we’ve spoken about it a little but I’m not ready for that. He seems genuinely concerned when I’m upset and has offered money when I talk to him about money worries although I always tell him its okay. Some days he’ll barely be in contact with me at all very minimal other days we’ll talk quite a lot but he rarely rings to talk to me. His whole instagram following is younger models etc which I find a bit strange. When I think back to the early days of us meeting he said I love you very early on and seemed very attached to me. Do I sound like I’m over thinking things or would any of this bring up red flags for you?

You shouldn't feel shame about being conned, OP.

Predators exploit loneliness and kindness and trustful people. It's not your fault that you were lonely and you are a decent, kind, and trusting person.

But now that you know what's going on, you should get yourself out of this as fast as possible.

I also suggest to call Womens Services, ask for advice.

I'm spitballing here but maybe being increasingly hard to get hold of and saying you've got some serious family stuff or health stuff or money stuff going on (that you can't talk about) would get him to drop YOU.

Predators generally are not interested on keeping their prey if it means THEY have to fork out care and attention or especially money.

@LouiseMadetheBestBroccoliPasta hmmm I really don’t think this is about money I’m not rich at all my wage is very basic and he knows this and knows I have money struggles being a single mum. He has a good job and earns a lot being a project manager for a construction company so basically he’s a lot better off financially than me

he messaged me last night and this morning and I didn’t respond and I haven’t heard anything else so maybe he’s kind of getting the hint

The point I'm making, OP, is you know only what he's told you. You don't know who he is. You don't know what he's capable of. All you see is his pretty mask. It's a mask that is tailored to get what he wants from you.

This is a man who TOLD you he is accused of rape by his ex, the kids don't want to see him, and he said his wife is an evil gold-digging bitch - these are the reddest of flags of a controlling dangerous man who sees women as objects and who will rape a woman when he wants to.

Why is it so hard to believe he’s bad when he always acts like he cares 😣

It's really not that difficult to type out 9 words.

Especially when he thinks he might miss out on his weekly shag

Yeah, cue a massive love bombing campaign.

Omg, this sounds like an absolute car crash. Told you he loved you really early on, turned out he was still on dating sites. Been dating over a year but basically meet up once a week for sex. Some nonsense story about a house he's doing up and he's living at work.

I wonder where he really lives and who he's spending the other 6 nights and every weekend with?

The reason it takes a while for him to get it up, but then his erection lasts a long time, is that viagra doesn't have an instant effect.

I don't think it takes a genius to see he's a player. But then I am a cynical person who met far too many ridiculous men on dating sites.

I'm surprised he used an X, surprised he didn't use an aubergine emoji instead.

It's a really basic message, the fact that you are so easily bowled over by it shows how much you've fallen for him and how besotted you are with him.

I’m thinking of doing Claire’s law but also think what’s the point either way I’m not happy anyway except maybe if something does come back it’ll help me stay clear of him for good