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Original poster

Advice needed

88 replies

GiddyHazelDreamer · 03/02/2026 17:40

In desperate need of some dating advice, please! I'll Try and keep this short. First time poster.

I am a single mum and have been talking to a lovely guy for just over a month. He is absolutely amazing, we get on so well and have spoken non stop since we first started chatting. We are both in our 30s and have been very direct and open with what we want from life etc and all matches up really well. We have been on 2 dates but hadn't had a chance to have anymore due to childcare issues my end which he said he had no issue with.

He was very full on with the compliments etc and I was a little more reserved due to being in a bad relationship previously and it being my first time ever online dating since I split from my kids dad 2years ago. On Friday we came to abit of an impasse where he said he wasn't sure if he could deal with my pessimism around compliments etc and I told him it had only been a month and I just needed a bit more time to fully feel confident and safe in accepting his feelings, rather than him just being someone palyong games. He then said it was done and went no contact and I am absolutely devastated. He ticked all the boxes and we had so much in common. I don't feel like I've been "love bombed" or anything like that. Just one of those situations of when you know you know. As far as I can tell he hasn't blocked me on what's app but did unmatch from me on OLD. Would it be considered compeltely stalkerish to reach out to him in maybe a few days? Or would you just let it be the end?

Any advice greatly appreciated. Don't want to come across as some creepy stalker if he has said its done. But at the same time I don't feel like I'm ever going to meet someone like him again and think we could have a really great life together.

OP posts:
Liladog · 03/02/2026 17:44

I am a single mum and have been talking to a lovely guy for just over a month. He is absolutely amazing, we get on so well and have spoken non stop since we first started chatting.

I won’t be alone when i read this and think “oh dear”

lsavage12 · 03/02/2026 17:45

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Liladog · 03/02/2026 17:47

2 dates. You have been on 2 dates.

This all sounds crazy

lsavage12 · 03/02/2026 17:48

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Springtimewillbespringing · 03/02/2026 17:49

2 dates and he has ‘dumped’ you. Yes, it would crazy to try and chase him.

ShawnaMacallister · 03/02/2026 17:51

Any man who tries to control the way you respond to him and punishes you for doing it 'wrong' is not the man for you. He was absolutely trying to move too fast which is textbook love bombing. You've had a lucky escape.

VIOLETPUGH · 03/02/2026 17:51

Sorry, but he is not a wonderful as you think he is, as he wouldn't have used this an excuse to go no contact. He is clearly not into you as much as you thought. You have only actually met him twice, and been speaking to him for a month, that is absolutely no time at all. Accept that he isn't really that interested, chasing him makes you look desperate.

SeaDragon17 · 03/02/2026 17:52

The saying “when people show you who they are, believe them” springs to mind.

If he deals with issues like that he isn’t the fantasy man you’ve created in your head. If you run after him he will have you on a bit of string forever.

Walk away and don’t look back.

justtheotheronemrswembley · 03/02/2026 17:53

Perhaps you're still not fully ready for a relationship with someone yet. It took me six years after my marriage broke up before I was able to think about a proper relationship with someone new.

Original poster
GiddyHazelDreamer · 03/02/2026 17:56

Yes I did fancy him alot!

Yes it may have only been 2 dates but they were both 8hour long dates where we talked non stop and It felt as if we had known each other for years. Would have had more if I had the time and we texted all day long with calls in the evening when the kids were in bed.

We met on Hinge and I liked his picture first. I know I probably sound like a crazy person.

OP posts:
Liladog · 03/02/2026 18:01

He’s got bored of the endlessly long talking and has taken the decision to wrap things up.

Does he have children? Do you get much free time?

OneShyQuail · 03/02/2026 18:04

GiddyHazelDreamer · 03/02/2026 17:40

In desperate need of some dating advice, please! I'll Try and keep this short. First time poster.

I am a single mum and have been talking to a lovely guy for just over a month. He is absolutely amazing, we get on so well and have spoken non stop since we first started chatting. We are both in our 30s and have been very direct and open with what we want from life etc and all matches up really well. We have been on 2 dates but hadn't had a chance to have anymore due to childcare issues my end which he said he had no issue with.

He was very full on with the compliments etc and I was a little more reserved due to being in a bad relationship previously and it being my first time ever online dating since I split from my kids dad 2years ago. On Friday we came to abit of an impasse where he said he wasn't sure if he could deal with my pessimism around compliments etc and I told him it had only been a month and I just needed a bit more time to fully feel confident and safe in accepting his feelings, rather than him just being someone palyong games. He then said it was done and went no contact and I am absolutely devastated. He ticked all the boxes and we had so much in common. I don't feel like I've been "love bombed" or anything like that. Just one of those situations of when you know you know. As far as I can tell he hasn't blocked me on what's app but did unmatch from me on OLD. Would it be considered compeltely stalkerish to reach out to him in maybe a few days? Or would you just let it be the end?

Any advice greatly appreciated. Don't want to come across as some creepy stalker if he has said its done. But at the same time I don't feel like I'm ever going to meet someone like him again and think we could have a really great life together.

Hes just not for you.

2 dates is nothing.

He is applying pressure to you and questioning/critiquing you.

No need to be devastated hes still a stranger. Move on, possible red flag avoided

OneShyQuail · 03/02/2026 18:05

GiddyHazelDreamer · 03/02/2026 17:56

Yes I did fancy him alot!

Yes it may have only been 2 dates but they were both 8hour long dates where we talked non stop and It felt as if we had known each other for years. Would have had more if I had the time and we texted all day long with calls in the evening when the kids were in bed.

We met on Hinge and I liked his picture first. I know I probably sound like a crazy person.

8 hour long dates?! Talking all day every day.

He is a stranger. Do not get so invested so early. Protect yourself!

tellmesomethingtrue · 03/02/2026 18:08

He’s already trying to control you….

Liladog · 03/02/2026 18:09

You are very vulnerable on the basis of this thread.

Concerningly so

Original poster
GiddyHazelDreamer · 03/02/2026 18:09

Thank you all for the advice.

He instigated all the talking and compliments. Told me he really liked me and could see this going somewhere. He was just frustrated with when he'd give me a compliment I would say thank you and return the compliment but I would also somewhat dispute it as I'm not a confident person.

Clearly I was stupid and hopeful to believe what he said.

@Liladog What was I going to do, sleep with him on the 2nd date? No he doesn't have kids but he said he wanted them.

OP posts:
Liladog · 03/02/2026 18:11

GiddyHazelDreamer · 03/02/2026 18:09

Thank you all for the advice.

He instigated all the talking and compliments. Told me he really liked me and could see this going somewhere. He was just frustrated with when he'd give me a compliment I would say thank you and return the compliment but I would also somewhat dispute it as I'm not a confident person.

Clearly I was stupid and hopeful to believe what he said.

@Liladog What was I going to do, sleep with him on the 2nd date? No he doesn't have kids but he said he wanted them.

Huh? What are you on about?

I neither said nor implied anything sbout you sleeping together.

I asked about free time and him having children because I suspect he’s got bored of all the talking and realised you come with baggage and won’t be able to hook up regularly.

As I say - you sound very vulnerable to dodgy men so perhaps don’t date for a bit

Original poster
GiddyHazelDreamer · 03/02/2026 18:16

@Liladog I know you didn't say anything about sleeping with him. You mentioned he got bored of the talking so I was asking what was I meant to do, sleep with him?

I wouldn't necessarily say vulnerable but I get what you mean. Just a genuinely nice person who give others the benefit of the doubt. This is my first time online dating, so I don't really know what the norm is or isn't. I thought love bombing was meant to be big gestures and gifts and demanding all your free time, which wasn't the case here.

OP posts:
Ilovelurchers · 03/02/2026 18:19

To be fair, not being able to accept compliments can be a sign of low self esteem/issues that someone needs to work through. I say this as somebody who suffered from this herself - I worked through it in therapy and now I not only love being complimented by a lover, I also expect it! (And give compliments to my lover in turn - to me that's an important part of a romantic/sexual relationship, and a clear way of demonstrating interest, desire and affection).

Your date guy has identified this - perhaps it's something he has struggled with himself in the past, or previous partners have - and decided that consequently the relationship isn't for him.

And I don't mean this unkindly, but unfortunately that's totally valid! I honestly can't see that he has done anything wrong.

You now need to either decide to work on this aspect of yourself, or find someone willing to accept it as part of who you are, or both. What you can't do is demand that he be ok with it.... I know you really liked him, but this WILL happen in dating. You will find people you think are perfect for you who don't feel the same, and vice versa. That's just how attraction works, sadly....

I wish you the very best. Even if you decide to carry on dating, I would also seek some form of therapy, to help rebuild your self esteem after the horrible things that have happened to you in the past.

Liladog · 03/02/2026 18:19

GiddyHazelDreamer · 03/02/2026 18:16

@Liladog I know you didn't say anything about sleeping with him. You mentioned he got bored of the talking so I was asking what was I meant to do, sleep with him?

I wouldn't necessarily say vulnerable but I get what you mean. Just a genuinely nice person who give others the benefit of the doubt. This is my first time online dating, so I don't really know what the norm is or isn't. I thought love bombing was meant to be big gestures and gifts and demanding all your free time, which wasn't the case here.

Be a “genuinely nice person” to yourself and children @Liladog by not introducing dodgy men in to your lives

Ilovelurchers · 03/02/2026 18:27

Liladog · 03/02/2026 18:19

Be a “genuinely nice person” to yourself and children @Liladog by not introducing dodgy men in to your lives

Show quote history

I don't know if I am missing something obvious - I am frequently very sceptical about men and their conduct - but I don't see why everyone thinks this bloke has been so out of order?

He has been on a couple of dates with a woman he felt he might click with, noticed something about her that rang alarm bells for him (and quite reasonably so - I have been put off by signs of low self esteem by people I was dating in the past myself) and called it a day, and been honest with her about why.

After just two dates and a few weeks of chatting I don't think he owed her more than ending it honestly in the way he did? Maybe a phone call would have been nicer, but to be fair it was only two dates. I've ended similar over text myself and had the same done to me, and I never thought that was massively unreasonable.

To be fair, he is allowed to discontinued their connection for any reason, or none, if he just isn't feeling it.....

LittleCrumblyBiscuit · 03/02/2026 18:30

You weren’t moving to the next stage fast enough for him so he’s moved on. Lucky escape, leave it where it is.

OneKhakiFish · 03/02/2026 18:34

Hes said hes done, at least he didnt just ghost you, sorry its time to move on, another chapter of your life has commenced,

TwistedWonder · 03/02/2026 18:35

ShawnaMacallister · 03/02/2026 17:51

Any man who tries to control the way you respond to him and punishes you for doing it 'wrong' is not the man for you. He was absolutely trying to move too fast which is textbook love bombing. You've had a lucky escape.

Absolutely this. A man showering someone he’s met twice with compliments then having a go at her for not gushing over his words is a huge red flag imo.

He thought his well spun lines would guarantee a shag and he’d moved on because it didn’t work

Liladog · 03/02/2026 18:35

Ilovelurchers · 03/02/2026 18:27

I don't know if I am missing something obvious - I am frequently very sceptical about men and their conduct - but I don't see why everyone thinks this bloke has been so out of order?

He has been on a couple of dates with a woman he felt he might click with, noticed something about her that rang alarm bells for him (and quite reasonably so - I have been put off by signs of low self esteem by people I was dating in the past myself) and called it a day, and been honest with her about why.

After just two dates and a few weeks of chatting I don't think he owed her more than ending it honestly in the way he did? Maybe a phone call would have been nicer, but to be fair it was only two dates. I've ended similar over text myself and had the same done to me, and I never thought that was massively unreasonable.

To be fair, he is allowed to discontinued their connection for any reason, or none, if he just isn't feeling it.....

Show quote history

He’s not done anything dodgy per se

but this all sounds like a very vulnerable and naive OP who has fallen head over heels for someone she’s met 2x, and he’s very much fed her precisely what she needs wanted. However he has got bored and realised she has baggage and no longer wants to have endlessly long talks.