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Original poster

Advice needed

88 replies

GiddyHazelDreamer · 03/02/2026 17:40

In desperate need of some dating advice, please! I'll Try and keep this short. First time poster.

I am a single mum and have been talking to a lovely guy for just over a month. He is absolutely amazing, we get on so well and have spoken non stop since we first started chatting. We are both in our 30s and have been very direct and open with what we want from life etc and all matches up really well. We have been on 2 dates but hadn't had a chance to have anymore due to childcare issues my end which he said he had no issue with.

He was very full on with the compliments etc and I was a little more reserved due to being in a bad relationship previously and it being my first time ever online dating since I split from my kids dad 2years ago. On Friday we came to abit of an impasse where he said he wasn't sure if he could deal with my pessimism around compliments etc and I told him it had only been a month and I just needed a bit more time to fully feel confident and safe in accepting his feelings, rather than him just being someone palyong games. He then said it was done and went no contact and I am absolutely devastated. He ticked all the boxes and we had so much in common. I don't feel like I've been "love bombed" or anything like that. Just one of those situations of when you know you know. As far as I can tell he hasn't blocked me on what's app but did unmatch from me on OLD. Would it be considered compeltely stalkerish to reach out to him in maybe a few days? Or would you just let it be the end?

Any advice greatly appreciated. Don't want to come across as some creepy stalker if he has said its done. But at the same time I don't feel like I'm ever going to meet someone like him again and think we could have a really great life together.

OP posts:
Original poster
GiddyHazelDreamer · 03/02/2026 19:21

GoldDuster · 03/02/2026 19:16

I don't feel like I've been "love bombed" or anything like that.

What do you think it would be like if you had been "love bombed"? What would be the difference to the current scenario?

I would absolutley one hundred percent not entertain the notion of getting in touch with him. At all. He's dropped you like a hot brick, and left you feeling uncertain. He knows this. He either doesn't give a toss about you, or he's actively looking to prey on your insecurity, and I think it's the latter.

Find another therapist and beef up those boundaries before you dip your toe back in. It's absolutely possible to meet someone as a mum, but you will need a brutally laser focused dickhead sifting policy.

So to me love bombing is always needing to see that person. Big/ sometimes expensive gestures like gifts etc. Lots of over the top cringey compliments and being bombarded with messages. Perhaps asking for photos and pressuring people into doing things they arent comfortable with.

OP posts:
lsavage12 · 03/02/2026 19:21

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

OneShyQuail · 03/02/2026 19:24

GiddyHazelDreamer · 03/02/2026 19:01

This makes sense. He never had access to my children. Just knew that I had them. The dates were only 8 hours because we enjoyed spending the time together and didn't have a set, dinner and then go our separate ways. We just naturally went from one activity to the next. Similar with phone calls / texting. I wasn't dropping everything to talk to him, just as and when I had a chance I'd reply and we'd end up texting throughout the day about work and stuff and then planned phone calls at the weekend when we were both free and wanted to

Show quote history

No i meant protect yourself, protect yiur children, you are a mum first and foremost dont go putting yourself into vulnerable unsafe situations....

Like the whole car thing on second date! He could have been anyone and done anything to you.

IMHO you made yourself too avaliable, there was no kissing/sex which he probably expected because of how low your boundaries are so he got bored and dumped you.

Please please look after yourself!

Liladog · 03/02/2026 19:24

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Weird

OneShyQuail · 03/02/2026 19:28

GiddyHazelDreamer · 03/02/2026 19:21

So to me love bombing is always needing to see that person. Big/ sometimes expensive gestures like gifts etc. Lots of over the top cringey compliments and being bombarded with messages. Perhaps asking for photos and pressuring people into doing things they arent comfortable with.

Show quote history

You were love bombed, so specifically well that he got two 8 hour dates out of you, you got in his car and put yoirself in enormous risk. He did such a great job you willingly did this with a stranger.

You have totally confused false intimacy and connection with a real one. Please take the advice of these strong ass women on here as next time you may not be so safe and you are a mama first and foremost!

DaisyChain505 · 03/02/2026 19:29

You’d met him twice. You barely knew him. Anyone can come across as amazing and everything you’re looking for over messages.

Try not to get so invested over messages and meet someone more frequently so you can get to know the real them.

Original poster
GiddyHazelDreamer · 03/02/2026 19:38

Okay, So we've established apparently I am a complete moron. Though I still don't think he a completely dodgy guy as such. Apart from the working on my own self esteem and not getting into peoples cars so willingly, any other tips for online dating?

OP posts:
AIBUptight · 03/02/2026 19:41

Sometimes not accepting/believing compliments can come across as falsely self-deprecating and fishing for more. Sounds like that’s not the case and you have genuinely low self-esteem but he may not have been up for what he might have seen as your need for a lot of reassurance. It sounds like a core incompatibility - I’d leave it.

Liladog · 03/02/2026 19:46

GiddyHazelDreamer · 03/02/2026 19:38

Okay, So we've established apparently I am a complete moron. Though I still don't think he a completely dodgy guy as such. Apart from the working on my own self esteem and not getting into peoples cars so willingly, any other tips for online dating?

No one has said this

however what is very clear is that you are vulnerable and should not be dating at this time. You need to get back to therapy

DannyDeever · 03/02/2026 19:48

he said he wasn't sure if he could deal with my pessimism around compliments

Personally, I think it's polite to accept compliments with good grace.

DaisyChain505 · 03/02/2026 19:52

I think the thing you need to just keep in mind is that you can hit it off with multiple people to start with, that doesn’t mean they’re all amazing guys and the “one”.

Everyone presents the best version of themselves when they first meet someone and it isn’t who they truly are. It takes months of truly getting to know someone before their real behaviour and traits come through.

Just try and remember this when you do have a spark with someone. Enjoy chatting and meeting them but stop telling yourself that you’ve never met anyone like them and all that jazz. Remind yourself that it’s great if it works out but ok if it doesn’t and stay true to who you are, have boundaries and standards.

Endofyear · 03/02/2026 20:01

I suspect that his reason of not liking your reaction to compliments is a bit of a red herring and his real reason is your lack of availability. It's possible that he's still got a few dating partners on the go and has decided that someone else is more compatible. I wouldn't contact him again when he's made it quite clear that it's over as far as he's concerned.

GoldDuster · 03/02/2026 20:04

You're not a moron. Tips for online dating might be get a pair of whatever the opposite of rose tinted spectacles is, and superglue them onto your face.

Treat it as a nice to have, and you'll hopefully meet some interesting people now and again when you have a spare couple of hours, not a means to an end because you're "ready". You're not interviewing for a vacant position, you're entertaining yourself.

Original poster
GiddyHazelDreamer · 03/02/2026 20:10

DannyDeever · 03/02/2026 19:48

he said he wasn't sure if he could deal with my pessimism around compliments

Personally, I think it's polite to accept compliments with good grace.

I get this. If he said things like you look really pretty I'd say something like thank you that's really appreciated but going to have to agree to disagree.

@Liladog I don't need therapy. Stop saying that. I am a shy introvered individual and this has always been my persoanlity even as a child. I'm always very cautious with compliments and accepting things from people. Therapy gave me the tools to set boundaries and to be able tomvoice what I want / don't want. Which is exactly what I have been doing whilst talking to this guy. We weren't "planning our lives together" as such, just merely having an in depth conversation about what we want in life, kids, marriage etc whilst also chatting about our favourite bands and films. I'm not one for small talk and idle chit chat, never have been.

OP posts:
Original poster
GiddyHazelDreamer · 03/02/2026 20:14

Endofyear · 03/02/2026 20:01

I suspect that his reason of not liking your reaction to compliments is a bit of a red herring and his real reason is your lack of availability. It's possible that he's still got a few dating partners on the go and has decided that someone else is more compatible. I wouldn't contact him again when he's made it quite clear that it's over as far as he's concerned.

Thank you. This makes sense as it was a bit out of the blue when I hadn't changed my personality or conversation

OP posts:
Liladog · 03/02/2026 20:28

I do have low self esteem and always have, therapy has never helped.

you do need therapy. You just need to find a different therapist

Liladog · 03/02/2026 20:29

My reasoning behind suggesting you seek more therapy has bugger all to do with your self proclaimed “very shy and introverted” personality and everything to do with everything else you outline in your op and follow up posts

TessSaysYes · 03/02/2026 20:37

If he's love bombed you, you re now in the no contact phase, but he 'll be reeling you in by the weekend.

That's some outburst on his part on a 2nd date, isn't it. Red flags all over.

Original poster
GiddyHazelDreamer · 03/02/2026 20:46

Liladog · 03/02/2026 20:28

I do have low self esteem and always have, therapy has never helped.

you do need therapy. You just need to find a different therapist

But my therapist was never concerned by my lack of self esteem, just said it was my personality and hence taught me other tools.

So for my hope and belief that someone might actually like me and being naive about my first time dating someone from online dating?

OP posts:
Moonlightfrog · 03/02/2026 20:48

As someone who has been on many dates over the last 10 years, I can tell you that most first and 2nd dates always seem to go well. Both of you are on your best behaviour, showing off all your good traits and trying hard to impress. I have had many dates where I have thought ‘wow, he seems perfect, we have lots in common and seem to be in the same wave length’…..then things start to go down hill because the mask comes off, things start to annoy us/them and problems start to arise, red flags start appearing and we then start to see what they are really like.

It’s easy to chat non stop via text/WhatsApp, it’s easy to come across as the perfect person. But only spending time with someone will you truly get to know them, and this takes much longer than 2 or 3 dates, it’s can take months…even years.

OP, you have dodged a bullet.

Next time, less chatting before meeting. I always start with a quick coffee date, suss them out a little, date 2 as soon as possible and out to dinner or a walk somewhere. Never jump in to 8 hour long dates and huge conversations (over sharing). Take your time getting to know them face to face because people can be whoever they want over WhatsApp.

Original poster
GiddyHazelDreamer · 03/02/2026 20:48

TessSaysYes · 03/02/2026 20:37

If he's love bombed you, you re now in the no contact phase, but he 'll be reeling you in by the weekend.

That's some outburst on his part on a 2nd date, isn't it. Red flags all over.

Didn't realise there was a no contact phase for love bombing. Thought they just inserted themselves into your life as much as possible

OP posts:
GoldDuster · 03/02/2026 20:57

my hope and belief that someone might actually like me

I think any therapist worth seeing again would be able to see that there was a sense of low self esteem around this OP.

Your beliefs inform your thoughts. They are the filter through which you perceive people and situations. Your thoughts inform your feelings.

It's all really relevant to the situation you find yourself in. I don't think it's a "how to" on online dating you need. The men are the men, no matter where you meet them.

AuntiePat21 · 03/02/2026 20:58

By disputing compliments he gave you, you’re implying he’s wrong to like you. Also marathon dates are not a good thing and a known tactic by players and users.

Original poster
GiddyHazelDreamer · 03/02/2026 21:03

Moonlightfrog · 03/02/2026 20:48

As someone who has been on many dates over the last 10 years, I can tell you that most first and 2nd dates always seem to go well. Both of you are on your best behaviour, showing off all your good traits and trying hard to impress. I have had many dates where I have thought ‘wow, he seems perfect, we have lots in common and seem to be in the same wave length’…..then things start to go down hill because the mask comes off, things start to annoy us/them and problems start to arise, red flags start appearing and we then start to see what they are really like.

It’s easy to chat non stop via text/WhatsApp, it’s easy to come across as the perfect person. But only spending time with someone will you truly get to know them, and this takes much longer than 2 or 3 dates, it’s can take months…even years.

OP, you have dodged a bullet.

Next time, less chatting before meeting. I always start with a quick coffee date, suss them out a little, date 2 as soon as possible and out to dinner or a walk somewhere. Never jump in to 8 hour long dates and huge conversations (over sharing). Take your time getting to know them face to face because people can be whoever they want over WhatsApp.

Whilst I appreciate this take, having limited childcare means I can't always facilitate this. Hence why we were texting alot and having phone calls in between dates to sort of bridge that wait which seemed reasonable to me. As I had the "night off" and things were going well I made the decision to hangout longer and wouldn't have been offended if he ended the date sooner etc

OP posts:
Proccy · 03/02/2026 21:03

Out of interest did you "Claires law" him?
I think it's unreasonable to contact him after what he's said and done.
Close call I reckon, forget him