Does anyone feel like giving up on some friendships?

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I have friends that, when we get together, we have a good time. We've got things in common, share the same attitudes, and have known each other for a long time.
But it's always me who has to get in touch. I know, that if I contact them, it'll be 'yes, let's get together' but, if I don't, I won't hear from them.
And they're not busy. We're all retired, with not many commitments.
Usually, I just accept that as the way that they are, but, at the moment, I've had enough.
Has anyone else been in this situation? What do you do?

Yes, I feel exactly the same and I’ve made a recent decision that I’m just not going to be the one to initiate reach out or suggest things anymore and see what happens and if nothing happens then it looks like I’ll just have to go and find myself some new friends

I think if I stopped contacting any of my friends , around 80% I’d never hear from again

I’ve literally done the same thing
archived all my WhatsApp messages to see who actually bothers to contact me in the next 6 months

If someone else usually gets in touch with me to suggest meeting, I tend to assume they want to see me more than I want to see them. Not that I don’t want to see them or don’t value the friendship, but they have more need for contact than I do. They’re not doing me a favour, they’re just doing something that they want. If you don’t want to contact the other person, then don’t.

I have a friend like this, I finally decided to just not suggest meeting and they rarely got in contact - was very hurtful but I’ve become more hardened to it now. Took a couple of years to get my head around it, mind. I see them for who they are now. People change, I can’t say that I haven’t changed either. Still sad though.

Surely, if you enjoy their company you you get in touch, if you don't then don't.

Try not to overthink things.

They could be busy, they could enjoy relaxing. It doesn't mean they don't want to see you.

Do you think you have been designated the role of "organiser"? I think that is a fairly common dynamic, though a bit shit for the organiser as they put in more effort than anyone else. But it depends on whether that you get from the friendship makes it worthwhile.

I had a few friendship groups like that and i was willing to put in the practical effort because I felt like the others contributed in other ways like their natural charisma (I have none haha). But when I had kids I reined back what I did and some (not all) of the friendships did fade to black, which I always suspected might happen.

My friends and I have a group chat, where someone sparks a conversation and we just start talking all day none stop and then if no one starts a chat, we are all in our own world cracking on for weeks without a word being said. We take it in turns though where every month one of us, will arrange our get together, booking a venue, etc. Would I stop chatting to them if no one reaches out absolutely not. A good friendship is such a valuable thing that I wouldn't personally let something as one of them not reaching out to me or speaking to me even if it was for a year, put an end to it.

I ah e a friendship group like this. We have been friends a long time. It dawned on me that I was initiating most conversations on our what’s app group, arranging meet ups, weekends away and have them over to my house, with little to nothing in return. I have consciously taken a step back and put my energies into other friends who do reciprocate.
I don’t have time for those who don’t have time for me anymore.

I can relate to this. That said I think everyone has different social 'batteries' as such. I go through phases where I want to be sociable and see all my friends. Then there's other times when I can't really be bothered and just want to live like a hermit for a few weeks. It's perhaps seasonal. I'm more like this in winter I think.

I don't think it's always personal. I just think sometimes I can't be bothered. Doesn't matter who it is, I just can't always be bothered with conversation.

It may be your friends just can't be bothered or have a lot going on and would rather chill out on the sofa on a Saturday night rather than go for a few drinks.

In some ways it's been easier having shared friends with my DH, like other couples. At least then it's a shared effort.

Hi op I let a few go for this reason. I said it to a friend last month. She finds same if its not equal efforts it drifts.. am kinda tired it. Left it up to someone else to sort breakfast theres 5 us. But of course months pass on. Im def holding back more. Its like yep we all happy to show up lol. Just no planning.

Usually, I tend to slowly drift apart from such friends, simple because that making the first move to contact someone is a key part of keeping a friendship alive. If both sides stop reaching out, the connection can fade without anyone really noticing.

But what is the point of that? You get to say 'See, I was right!' to yourself, because there's no one to say it to, because you've ended all your friendships because of some juvenile 'She never initiates stuff!' complaint?

It’s not juvenile
it will sort the wheat from the chaff
the ones who NEVER initiate
i have a lot of friends , I don’t expect to lose all of them but yes I imagine I won’t hear from some again . I won’t be saying anything to myself in 6 months . I just know if I don’t hear from them in around 6 months I’ll most probably never hear from them.

Yes then nobody meets or does anything. But it be nice if others took the lead. My friend said same she fed up doing it..

If someone never initiates contact
Then I just assume they don't want to see me

I appreciate they might have loads of stuff going on

In my case, it's more "they never replied".

But I would think never initiating is probably the same. think of it over a period of couple of years - doesn't it tell you something?

Some are better organisers but people are happy to let you do it too! I dont plan group stuff as much now. Just meet one to one less hassle.

its not juvenile to recognise that as you get older time gets more precious and you want to spend it with people who value you and your company. I’ve got a few friends who do, but many more who just either don’t initiate or cancel plans and never reschedule them, and I’m tired of that so I won’t miss them if I let the friendships fade out, which theywill if I stop the initiating. I accept that and I’m ok with it 🤷‍♀️

Agree with this. I want to spend my time with those friends who genuinely put as much effort in as I do. There’s a couple who never ever initiate contact and I’ve now taken a step back from their friendships. If people enjoy your company they’ll get in touch…life isn’t so busy people can’t send a 5 minute text. if they don’t then that definitely tells you something.

I've pulled away from people who respond to me but never get round to actually meeting - I can take a hint! But I've decided to take my social life into my own hands, make sure I see people and have things to look forward to, and often that means me taking the initiative. If they say yes to meeting up and we seem to get on well, I don't worry about who contacts who first... If I started keeping a tally I might end up with no friends, who knows?!

I recently sent another message to an old friend who I hadn't heard from for two years - she hadn't responded to my last message a year ago! But I know her, I know her life is manic and I was more worried whether she was ok. I also know she doesn't really do texting. As it was she then rang me and we had a lovely chat...

Yes if they dont set a date just leave it. I got rid of the must meet soonxx ones. It was time wasting. I keep my circle small now.

I went through a rough time last year and let friendships slip, as in I didn't contact them and low and behold I didn't hear from them to ask how I was and why I hadn't been in touch. Didn't bother with them again

I’ve definitely pulled back from a few people. I just see it as matching their energy. In lockdown I had two friends (didn’t know each other) who I had known a long time. I was dropping care packages off at their front door because they were putting stuff on social media about how crap lockdown was. And one day after messaging each of them to see how they were I realised that neither of them ever checked to see how I was so I just didn’t message them and thought I’d leave it for them to get in touch with me. One got in touch with me just over a year later and I chose not to respond and the other one I’ve never heard from again. It’s a shame but if people don’t want to make the effort, I would rather use my time and energy on the people that do want to engage.