Does anyone feel like giving up on some friendships?

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I have friends that, when we get together, we have a good time. We've got things in common, share the same attitudes, and have known each other for a long time.
But it's always me who has to get in touch. I know, that if I contact them, it'll be 'yes, let's get together' but, if I don't, I won't hear from them.
And they're not busy. We're all retired, with not many commitments.
Usually, I just accept that as the way that they are, but, at the moment, I've had enough.
Has anyone else been in this situation? What do you do?

I agree with you Minnie. Its 2 way efforts.

But where’s the effort? Half the time on here the ‘effort’ of maintaining friendship seems to mean ‘sending a text message’.

Just reaching out more. Dont leave plans to others to do it. People live on their phones now so no excuse! I just felt my group catchup yest if I didnt do it nobody would ...

The problem is that if the effort in staying in touch and arranging to meet up isn’t fairly equal, the more proactive person can’t be sure that the other person really does want to stay in touch, and isn’t just responding out of obligation or fear of causing upset.

I generally am the instigator of meet ups with my friends. I know them all individually. Not as a group .I could just stop being proactive but I enjoy their company and always enjoy catch-ups and certainly don’t get the impression it’s one sided. I just think many people are just a bit lazy…nothing more sinister than that .

I don't have many local friends any more - most are around an hour or more's travel away. I do feel I am often the one to make contact but when that starts to bother me, I wait a bit, especially if the other person hasn't initiated recently and often they do get in touch. I start to feel they don't like me sometimes but then I go through social periods where I arrange several things all at once and others where I barely think of doing so - I guess others feel the same.

I have two groups of friends and one fairly local friend where the pattern is meeting up every few months - those have been consistent for years (one group for decades) and eventually one of us makes the move. Overall though I've come to terms with the fact that friends can and do disappear after a while (though I wish they didn't...)

I like to think I'm sociable but have found I feel oppressed if I have organised too much - my social battery needs regular charging! Plus I have my DH and grown up daughters for company and outings.

Maybe try new hobbies and activities, especially as you're retired? I seem to have made a new friend by walking home the same way after classes at our local gym.

Please don’t. I pretty much never instigate anything because I’m generally convinced that nobody really wants to spend time with me and I don’t like forcing myself on anyone. I’m petrified if I suggest something that people won’t want to do it. Rejection will leave me painfully anxious for weeks. I’m really grateful to friends who suggest things and I love spending time with them. So many “friends” seem to be constantly too tired and busy to do anything, even though they don’t do anything much.

Angel its hard. I found same they dont want to do anything. Is it a lazy thing just stay in make zero efforts! I got out yest 4 us we all enjoyed it. The chat was great.

I have a neighbour who is so lovely. She didn’t know it but I was struggling with my mental health after a break up.

She invites me to local things here and there and indeed had to ask me a few times before we actually managed to do our first coffee together.

After consistently doing the heavy lifting in other friendships, I can see the allure of letting someone else always be the one to initiate contact and organise everything, but it’s not fair.

So now I am better mentally, I make a conscious effort to suggest meet ups too and have had her over etc

If you enjoy their company I would keep up contact if not let it slide. I’m not making excuses for them but I have a few family/friends who have object permanence type issues .
When with me they are great company and we have a great relationship. When I’m out of sight I am out of mind, I don’t take it personally and enjoy the freedom to not have a relationship that needs a lot of ‘work’ just an occasional phone call.

So you didn’t value their company, then?

@MinnieMountain I had a similar thing in my extended family years ago - my sibling & I have similar age children and used to get together regularly when DC were small, including some holidays- but not the summer holiday, that was their special family time. All OK, till the year they went on a combined summer holiday with some friends & their DC. That hurt.

I seem to end up with friends who only talk about themselves or want to sound off about someone or something. I prefer my own company

I deleted some numbers off my phone this week I never see them. Silver I think like you some days I prefer my own company. You be tired running after people.

I persisted with contacting a couple of long-term friends. Unfortunately, it was like flogging a dead horse, especially after we all moved away, and they got into relationships. It now feels quite liberating 😳

I'm the one who initiates/suggests very little, if anything sometimes, with one particular friend. I have a DH, my friend is single and not looking for a partner, we both have teen DC. She can never be alone and wants to do something/anything with someone/anyone. Give her the idea you have free time at the weekend e.g. fancy a coffee at mine Saturday afternoon and she goes OTT trying to book me into something for a half/whole day, because she needs to fill her day/time, while finding every solution she can if you say you cannot commit to that time due to X/Y/Z. Its not that I don't want to see her, rather my whole weekend would be taken over. I do do things with her, I have to manage it all very carefully to ensure I get the balance I need for me. I don't care if that is selfish.

Kly yes you have be firm for these people. I would set your times, can meet you til 1pm have apts later that day so can just stay til 1.

It is hard work for sure. I'm finding even arranging something as a group of 3 with closest friends is like pulling teeth! I think I just need to accept and stop and wait for them.. I won't get in a huff but I will just leave it for a bit!! I find arranging one to one so much easier than anything in a group!