Bedroom issues in new relationship

[LonlyHeartsClub]

Wasn't sure the best place to post this and have NC for personal reasons.

I (29) have been dating/in a relationship with a guy (33) for the past (almost) 7 months. When we met things were on fire chemistry wise both inside and out of the bedroom, and I have genuinely started to develop really strong feelings for him. At times when we were initmate he would get very excited and emotionally invested quite quickly, attentive and pretty much finishing within 10/15 mins, which wasnt an issue because i did too.
However it has recently become very obvious that something has changed drastically and i dont know how to feel about it all. He can no longer finish in the bedroom at all without a lot of stimulation, at times he has admitted to 'faking it', positions have changed to the point where hes trying 5 in one session, he's somehow become vocal with dirty talk and doesn't really do foreplay anymore expect some weird thing mid sex where it seems like he is stimulating/touching himself.
I get things can change over time as things get comfortable but this feels different. It is really confusing and actually quite hurtful now where i am starting to think the problem is me (he says its not) so I am having to shut off any emotion just to go along with having sex at the moment.

I just wanted some advice. TIA x

If you have to shut off emotion 7 months in just to have sex. What are you going to feel like after 7 years?

This early on is practically sitting on each others knees when together. It doesn't sound as if this is comfortable.

Most of these guys nowadays who struggle to climax with a partner are porn addicts.

Oh God who has the time to deal with this shit, dump him already. you're too young to deal with bad sex.

What does he say is causing it?

He says its a mixture of things but isnt specific, such as he is depressed, he's tired, has a lower sex drive (this hasn't been an issue mentioned before), that does enjoy it but it just happens for some people, and that he just doesn't want to finish quickly all the time so stops himself (although many times he doesn't finish at all even after going at it for over an hour, and it genuinely feels like he's just going through the motions after about 15 minutes).
Whenever I have brought it up though he always goes into a rant about why women have such an issue with this stuff and always take it personally and it is abnormal to be able to have sex as much as i can (no idea what he means by that), but says he doesn't recall experiencing it before now. Which leads me even further to believing that I am the problem or atleast the relationship may be running its course for him.

Can't finish in the bedroom without a lot of stimulation
Trying 5 positions in one session
Lots of dirty talk
No foreplay anymore
Stimulating/touching himself mid sex

It sounds as though he's deep into porn. If he's not willing to discuss this with you, and you're having to shut off emotion to get through sex, then there's no future to your relationship. Don't just put up with this OP.

JFC - why are you putting up with being treated and spoke to like this by a bloke you’ve only known a few months?

Like PP harassed it all sounds like he’s a grubby little porn soaked creep who wants a sex doll not a partner.

Run don’t walk

Addicted to porn

This!

Yeah get out of there. Things dont organically change like this and certainly not to this degree/severity.

Maybe he struggles with ED or something like that and uses a lot of porn so took viagra in early days with u to "make a good impression" and now he doesn't want to take it anymore.

If this is the case, he should have been honest with you about any difficulties....sounds like he has an issue somewhere with how is ranting about women making an issue etc

I am the first one who likes to make sure before we label things, I always say "we can't know for sure", but all the things you listed does indeed suggest being addicted to porn...and whatever he's watching he got so accustomed to that your normal, "real" sex can't reach the threshold easily...
Now, again, I don't know him, none of us here do, but I am leaning towards that too, @LonlyHeartsClub
Have you asked about it, do you think you have an honest and strong enough relationship that you could, without him flipping out?

Please someone explain how do you lot know he’s addicted?

• He can no longer finish in the bedroom at all without a lot of stimulation
• he has admitted to 'faking it'
• doesn't really do foreplay anymore
• except some weird thing mid sex where it seems like he is stimulating/touching himself.
• he's depressed,
• he's tired
• suddenly has a lower sex drive (but goes at it for over an hour without finishing)
• goes into a rant about why women have such an issue with this stuff
• tells you you're abnormal for wanting sex with him
• makes you feel like you're the problem
• started off by being "emotionally invested quite quickly, attentive"

Christ OP, he sounds absolutely bloody awful in every respect.

Why oh why would you spend any more time with this fool who love bombed you and is now showing you his horrible, misogynist, foreplay only on himself reality?

Get the hell out and don't waste another minute on this complicated twat.

Exactly. Gives me the ick just reading this

I think the relationship should be running the course for you. Trust me - I've been there, do not ignore this giant red flag. It isn't just the strange turn your sex life have taken, it is the way he's gaslighting you into thinking you are the problem. This won't get any better. Please leave - you deserve better.

Sounds to me like porn is likely to be the root of this, but actually his attitude, defensiveness and behaviour around it are what make me say LTB. If you can't have a respectful adult conversation on both sides, no matter what it's about, then it won't work. There'll always be something. Get out now.

It doesn't really matter what is causing this behaviour the point is that it's shite for you and possibly emotionally damaging if you continue to have emotionally detatched sex for his sake and he also is not willing to talk openly and honestly prefering to blame you instead.

7 months, and it's this bad, don't waste any more time on a man like this.

How high is your sex drive OP? He mentioned it not being normal being able to have sex as much as you can which is suggestive of the fact that he feels you want it much more than him.

Totally. If women are the cause for his sexual difficulties perhaps he hasn’t come to term with being gay yet?
Alternatively deep into a porn addiction.

This.
Goes into a rant about women?
He'd never even see my bed again.

A huge problem with men who have porn addictions is the deep seated misogyny it cultivates in them. Hence blaming you for his problems. A lifetime of being blamed for your partner’s inadequacies is a lifetime of misery. Leave before you waste any more of your precious time.

But why would he have developed a porn addiction AFTER starting a new relationship which, according to the OP, the sex was great at the beginning and none of these problems existed?

I hate it when people on here jump to the porn conclusion, but I have to agree that it’s almost certainly porn related.

An addict? Not sure how anyone can tell someone’s an addict by a forum post, but it definitely sounds as though he’s bringing his porn fantasies into the bedroom.

as @RunMeOver pointed out, I’m not sure why these issues would start after a new relationship where the sex is good, but if he’s on antidepressants for his depression then it’s likely the medication may be effecting his ability to climax and therefore he’s looking at more extreme ways to get over the line.

If you’re not happy now, it is very unlikely to get any better so I’d call it a day if I were you.

I think he was just hiding his issues at the start.

new relationships are thrilling and exciting, so it’s going to be more intense. I’d say the problem is when these relationships become more ‘normal’ .

sounds like textbook porn addiction. I know some pps are saying people always jump to it, but I think it’s hugely common

Porn
I think you will find he can no longer function IRL without it. Be careful here please. He might start blaming you for his lack of performance.