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Original poster

Bedroom issues in new relationship

88 replies

LonlyHeartsClub · 01/02/2026 20:42

Wasn't sure the best place to post this and have NC for personal reasons.

I (29) have been dating/in a relationship with a guy (33) for the past (almost) 7 months. When we met things were on fire chemistry wise both inside and out of the bedroom, and I have genuinely started to develop really strong feelings for him. At times when we were initmate he would get very excited and emotionally invested quite quickly, attentive and pretty much finishing within 10/15 mins, which wasnt an issue because i did too.
However it has recently become very obvious that something has changed drastically and i dont know how to feel about it all. He can no longer finish in the bedroom at all without a lot of stimulation, at times he has admitted to 'faking it', positions have changed to the point where hes trying 5 in one session, he's somehow become vocal with dirty talk and doesn't really do foreplay anymore expect some weird thing mid sex where it seems like he is stimulating/touching himself.
I get things can change over time as things get comfortable but this feels different. It is really confusing and actually quite hurtful now where i am starting to think the problem is me (he says its not) so I am having to shut off any emotion just to go along with having sex at the moment.

I just wanted some advice. TIA x

OP posts:
RunMeOver · 02/02/2026 20:16

OneShyQuail · 02/02/2026 15:00

I suspect hes always had it (and hes views on women) used viagra to help initially but doesnt want to rely on it long term, hoping hes done enough to "keep her" and now this is the real him

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Viagra wouldn't help him to finish, so would make no difference to the problem. Viagra only aids in getting an erection, and the OP didn't mention any problem in that regard.

Honestly, the lengths people will go to here to make the facts fit their predetermined conclusion.

To be clear, I'm not saying he doesn't have a problem with porn. I have no idea. It just seems really strange that such a problem would develop during the early stages of a relationship when the sex is good and it wasn't there in the first place. And, believe it or not, there ARE other reasons why men can have trouble finishing.

IsabellaCoral · 02/02/2026 20:18

He is making his crappy sex your fault, and you are believing him.

this is not you, you have not changed.

forgot his blaming and gaslighting and dump him. 7 months is too early for this, and it is not likely to get better is it? You will just feel worse and worse.

who cares why he has changed. Run run run !

MightyGoldBear · 02/02/2026 20:31

RunMeOver · 02/02/2026 20:16

Viagra wouldn't help him to finish, so would make no difference to the problem. Viagra only aids in getting an erection, and the OP didn't mention any problem in that regard.

Honestly, the lengths people will go to here to make the facts fit their predetermined conclusion.

To be clear, I'm not saying he doesn't have a problem with porn. I have no idea. It just seems really strange that such a problem would develop during the early stages of a relationship when the sex is good and it wasn't there in the first place. And, believe it or not, there ARE other reasons why men can have trouble finishing.

Edited
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For porn addicts/sex addicts entering a new relationship can be like trying a new drug all exciting and different. Erections and orgasms can temporarily return untill it becomes "normal" and the need for novelty/taboo grows to sustain the same excitement/ interest. The same way a drug addict will need to have more of a drug to achieve the same high they got the first time. They develop a high tolerance and growing need to chase the initial "high"

Obviously no one on here can say for certain but everything op has mentioned really tracks for porn addiction. If it is the case it will pre date ever meeting her. Most boys start their use of porn early teenage years some as young as 8.

Ilovesunshine22 · 02/02/2026 20:34

I agree with others it sounds like porn addiction!

BadgernTheGarden · 02/02/2026 20:43

Maybe you are a bit much for him, and make him feel inadequate if you can enjoy sex twice a day and have more than one orgasm each time. Performance anxiety could be the problem, he's worrying about it and then it doesn't happen. It seems like there is a lot of emphasis on sex, do you enjoy doing other things together? Perhaps spend more time doing other things and take the pressure off the sex for a while.

MaddestGranny · 02/02/2026 21:01

run

Imbusytodaysorry · 02/02/2026 21:18

@LonlyHeartsClub he is projecting . Making you feel like crap .
End it op . I’d bet it’s porn or some weird kink. I wouldn’t put up with poor sex ever and especially not at your age .

Myotherusernamesafunnyone · 02/02/2026 21:33

Porn. Dump him. Now.

climbintheback · 02/02/2026 21:51

Get shut - life is far too short.

Alix52 · 02/02/2026 23:33

Could he be on anti depressants and not want to say? They can affect sex drive and ability to ejaculate. He has said he's depressed

Mummyshark2019 · 02/02/2026 23:51

Run away!!!

WhatTheHellsGoingOn · 03/02/2026 06:52

TwistedWonder · 01/02/2026 21:27

JFC - why are you putting up with being treated and spoke to like this by a bloke you’ve only known a few months?

Like PP harassed it all sounds like he’s a grubby little porn soaked creep who wants a sex doll not a partner.

Run don’t walk

grubby little porn soaked creep
has just made it as my favourite phrase ever

greencheetah · 03/02/2026 07:06

Porn.

Dump!

HawthornFairy · 03/02/2026 07:08

This sounds so miserable, and grubby. And, what’s worse, is the gross attack on women in principle. Please don’t feel abnormal!

In a loving relationship, what goes on in the bedroom leaves you feeling cherished, and definitely respected. It’s warm, there’s laughter and imperfect bodies, loving cuddles when it doesn’t quite work how you both hoped that time, talking. It’s not a performance, it’s a gloriously special way of communicating how you feel about each other. So please listen to what he’s saying by his behaviour, and get rid.

Slightyamusedandsilly · 03/02/2026 07:16

he always goes into a rant about why women have such an issue with this stuff and always take it personally and it is abnormal to be able to have sex as much as i can (no idea what he means by that), but says he doesn't recall experiencing it before now.

He can't have it both ways though can he? Saying he's had this problem before he always goes into a rant about why WOMEN have such an issue with this stuff. Women plural, not you specifically.

And he doesn't recall experiencing it before now implying it's a new/you problem.

He is ranting because it keeps happening to him. For whatever reason (any of the reasons given on here) the recurring issue is him, because it's happening to him with multiple women.

Lovely girl, you're not the problem. He is. Throw him back. He's not a keeper (putting it mildly!!!).

DaisyChain505 · 03/02/2026 07:57

Classic porn addiction symptoms.

Hes seen too much and is too desensitised to enjoy “normal” sex.

He could finish when he first met you because it was new and exciting. Now it’s routine and “normal” he’s over it.

Men who consume porn get bored of what they view and move onto more extreme content because they get bored of it and it’s reflecting in his sex life.

SynthEsjs · 03/02/2026 08:29

mrssunshinexxx · 01/02/2026 21:27

Addicted to porn

This.

Not worth it 7 months in. Free yourself.

JoyintheMorning · 03/02/2026 08:40

Disconnect from this man ASAP duckie. It might be that he is fighting himself with thoughts of being gay he might also have a more serious problem and might be be the kind of man who keeps seeking younger and younger women or girls.

OneShyQuail · 03/02/2026 08:50

RunMeOver · 02/02/2026 20:16

Viagra wouldn't help him to finish, so would make no difference to the problem. Viagra only aids in getting an erection, and the OP didn't mention any problem in that regard.

Honestly, the lengths people will go to here to make the facts fit their predetermined conclusion.

To be clear, I'm not saying he doesn't have a problem with porn. I have no idea. It just seems really strange that such a problem would develop during the early stages of a relationship when the sex is good and it wasn't there in the first place. And, believe it or not, there ARE other reasons why men can have trouble finishing.

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But how does one know he doesnt have a problem, if he is taking something for it before hand?

Just offering ideas, thats what a forums for, we all have differing opinions

Rhubarbandgooseburycrumble · 03/02/2026 08:55

Raise your bar! Why are you allowing him to treat you and speak to you like this.

You deserve better!

Princessoflitchenstein · 03/02/2026 08:57

Wildernesssetting · 02/02/2026 08:40

I think he was just hiding his issues at the start.

new relationships are thrilling and exciting, so it’s going to be more intense. I’d say the problem is when these relationships become more ‘normal’ .

sounds like textbook porn addiction. I know some pps are saying people always jump to it, but I think it’s hugely common

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This

Miaminmoo · 03/02/2026 09:58

Trust me. I ignored some serious red flags when I was in my early 20’s with my then partner and it ended up being the main reason we split up. He started normally enough but he had some fairly serious deep-seated issues around intimacy and I just felt too young to deal with all that. It would never have been anything other than angst and drama. Anyone who wants you to feel ‘wrong’ for enjoying ‘normal’ sex is a gigantic red flag. Throw this one back.

dh280125 · 03/02/2026 10:50

Sex is mostly in the head. Is it about you? No, probably he's telling the truth that it's not. But will it just work out? Again, probably not. Maybe he needs individual therapy. Or maybe you should just cut and run... sex matters a lot IMHO, even if it sounds shallow to say so.

maxybrown · 03/02/2026 11:26

LonlyHeartsClub · 02/02/2026 10:42

I wouldn't say my sex drive is higher than average. i can have sex twice a day with a partner if the mood is right, it isn't and never has been a stated requirement though nor something I initiate often. If anything he is the one that initiates multiple times a day but later complains that MY sex drive is too much and he needs a break. He also has raised issue with the fact that I can also continue DTD after I climax and the other person hasn't with a potential of me being able to reach climax again, which he says puts him, makes him think I am just continuing for his benefit and isnt normal, even though it is very clear that that isnt the case.

However sex in general isnt really a big deal for me, there has been periods both inside and outside of relationships where abstinence has been normal and doesn't bother me at all. I just feel very hyper aware now of the faking it and failure to reach an satisfying mutual ending has reduced my enjoyment. I also feel quite a bit vulnerable continuing to put any emotion into it when it now seems like oscar performance for him.

I guess I just wanted to know if this was common or if maybe he is right and I am a bit abnormal for finding this an issue.

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You are absolutely NOT abnormal. As others have said....RUN!

It sounds like he has no idea about women at all. I've just read your post out to DH (who is a lot older than your partner) and he laughed at the ridiculousness of him, said he hasn't got a clue about women and said yes, you should run! He really couldn't believe it.

Blades2 · 03/02/2026 13:21

Just reading the things he has said to you gives me the ick, let alone his bedroom antics.
why is it your fault you can climax more than once? He does know that this is common with women right?

id be off.