Page 2 | Bedroom issues in new relationship

LonlyHeartsClub · 2026-02-01T20:42:51+00:00

Wasn't sure the best place to post this and have NC for personal reasons. I (29) have been dating/in a relationship with a guy (33) for the past (almost) 7 months. When we met things were on fire chemistry wise both inside and out of the bedroom, and I have genuinely started to develop really strong feelings for him. At times when we were initmate he would get very excited and emotionally invested quite quickly, attentive and pretty much finishing within 10/15 mins, which wasnt an issue because i did too. However it has recently become very obvious that something has changed drastically and i dont know how to feel about it all. He can no longer finish in the bedroom at all without a lot of stimulation, at times he has admitted to 'faking it', positions have changed to the point where hes trying 5 in one session, he's somehow become vocal with dirty talk and doesn't really do foreplay anymore expect some weird thing mid sex where it seems like he is stimulating/touching himself. I get things can change over time as things get comfortable but this feels different. It is really confusing and actually quite hurtful now where i am starting to think the problem is me (he says its not) so I am having to shut off any emotion just to go along with having sex at the moment. I just wanted some advice. TIA x

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 02/02/2026 08:46

LonlyHeartsClub · 01/02/2026 21:23

He says its a mixture of things but isnt specific, such as he is depressed, he's tired, has a lower sex drive (this hasn't been an issue mentioned before), that does enjoy it but it just happens for some people, and that he just doesn't want to finish quickly all the time so stops himself (although many times he doesn't finish at all even after going at it for over an hour, and it genuinely feels like he's just going through the motions after about 15 minutes).
Whenever I have brought it up though he always goes into a rant about why women have such an issue with this stuff and always take it personally and it is abnormal to be able to have sex as much as i can (no idea what he means by that), but says he doesn't recall experiencing it before now. Which leads me even further to believing that I am the problem or atleast the relationship may be running its course for him.

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an even bigger issue is the way he’s talking to you and making you feel

this is controlling and will only get worse

Original poster

LonlyHeartsClub · 02/02/2026 10:42

Holdmeclosertinydancer2018 · 02/02/2026 06:40

How high is your sex drive OP? He mentioned it not being normal being able to have sex as much as you can which is suggestive of the fact that he feels you want it much more than him.

I wouldn't say my sex drive is higher than average. i can have sex twice a day with a partner if the mood is right, it isn't and never has been a stated requirement though nor something I initiate often. If anything he is the one that initiates multiple times a day but later complains that MY sex drive is too much and he needs a break. He also has raised issue with the fact that I can also continue DTD after I climax and the other person hasn't with a potential of me being able to reach climax again, which he says puts him, makes him think I am just continuing for his benefit and isnt normal, even though it is very clear that that isnt the case.

However sex in general isnt really a big deal for me, there has been periods both inside and outside of relationships where abstinence has been normal and doesn't bother me at all. I just feel very hyper aware now of the faking it and failure to reach an satisfying mutual ending has reduced my enjoyment. I also feel quite a bit vulnerable continuing to put any emotion into it when it now seems like oscar performance for him.

I guess I just wanted to know if this was common or if maybe he is right and I am a bit abnormal for finding this an issue.

OP posts:

fashionqueen0123 · 02/02/2026 11:16

‘He also has raised issue with the fact that I can also continue DTD after I climax and the other person hasn't with a potential of me being able to reach climax again, which he says puts him, makes him think I am just continuing for his benefit and isnt normal, even though it is very clear that that isnt the case.’

Has he met a woman before?

caringcarer · 02/02/2026 11:22

SparklyGlitterballs · 01/02/2026 21:24

Can't finish in the bedroom without a lot of stimulation
Trying 5 positions in one session
Lots of dirty talk
No foreplay anymore
Stimulating/touching himself mid sex

It sounds as though he's deep into porn. If he's not willing to discuss this with you, and you're having to shut off emotion to get through sex, then there's no future to your relationship. Don't just put up with this OP.

This. He's a porn addict.

Holdmeclosertinydancer2018 · 02/02/2026 11:55

LonlyHeartsClub · 02/02/2026 10:42

I wouldn't say my sex drive is higher than average. i can have sex twice a day with a partner if the mood is right, it isn't and never has been a stated requirement though nor something I initiate often. If anything he is the one that initiates multiple times a day but later complains that MY sex drive is too much and he needs a break. He also has raised issue with the fact that I can also continue DTD after I climax and the other person hasn't with a potential of me being able to reach climax again, which he says puts him, makes him think I am just continuing for his benefit and isnt normal, even though it is very clear that that isnt the case.

However sex in general isnt really a big deal for me, there has been periods both inside and outside of relationships where abstinence has been normal and doesn't bother me at all. I just feel very hyper aware now of the faking it and failure to reach an satisfying mutual ending has reduced my enjoyment. I also feel quite a bit vulnerable continuing to put any emotion into it when it now seems like oscar performance for him.

I guess I just wanted to know if this was common or if maybe he is right and I am a bit abnormal for finding this an issue.

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So to clarify he has (bizarrely) never met a woman who wants to continue after one orgasm? How odd.

Is it possible that he feels pressure to last longer to give you more than one orgasm and is then struggling to finish himself after holding out too long?

Grammarninja · 02/02/2026 12:07

Jumimo · 01/02/2026 20:58

Most of these guys nowadays who struggle to climax with a partner are porn addicts.

I agree with this.

outerspacepotato · 02/02/2026 12:42

LonlyHeartsClub · 01/02/2026 21:23

He says its a mixture of things but isnt specific, such as he is depressed, he's tired, has a lower sex drive (this hasn't been an issue mentioned before), that does enjoy it but it just happens for some people, and that he just doesn't want to finish quickly all the time so stops himself (although many times he doesn't finish at all even after going at it for over an hour, and it genuinely feels like he's just going through the motions after about 15 minutes).
Whenever I have brought it up though he always goes into a rant about why women have such an issue with this stuff and always take it personally and it is abnormal to be able to have sex as much as i can (no idea what he means by that), but says he doesn't recall experiencing it before now. Which leads me even further to believing that I am the problem or atleast the relationship may be running its course for him.

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That rant about women sounds like he's a red pill misogynist and really ignorant about how women's sexuality works. Red flags flying! Breakup carefully, possibly by text or become extremely busy with work project and just be unavailable and block. Be proactive about your security, he might not go quietly.

Having PIV sex for over an hour does not sound like my idea of a good time.

StarCourt · 02/02/2026 12:48

@LonlyHeartsClub I had similar a few years ago but we were only 3 months in. With him it turned out to be drugs not porn. His sex life with the ex before me had purely consisted of 3 or 4 weekends a year fuelled up on coke, ketamine etc. He was with her for years and didn’t know what normal sex was.

HappyTalkingAndLaughing · 02/02/2026 13:04

This is very similar to what l experienced in a previous "situationship". The emotional intimacy got less and less ...no foreplay... he literally would expect me to be turned on by sucking on his cock.

He found it harder and harder to climax - l never did climax in all the time we were together as all he cared about was his orgasm. Then the name calling would start.. calling me a slut whilst having sex and wanting me to tell him dirty stories.... it got to the point that there was absolutely no enjoyment in it for me and the kiss and cuddle afterwards was reduced to nothing too.

He admitted he had a porn addiction.

What a complete mug l was!

FinallyHere · 02/02/2026 14:28

Yup. It’s porn grip and he will have had it from the start. He used to pretend to hook you in but is now comfortable enough to show you what he really needs.

it’s nothing that you can do anything about. He is starting to blame you.

one life rule which will make your life so much better : don’t ever have sex when you have to turn your emotions off.

OneShyQuail · 02/02/2026 15:00

RunMeOver · 02/02/2026 07:35

But why would he have developed a porn addiction AFTER starting a new relationship which, according to the OP, the sex was great at the beginning and none of these problems existed?

I suspect hes always had it (and hes views on women) used viagra to help initially but doesnt want to rely on it long term, hoping hes done enough to "keep her" and now this is the real him

SleafordSods · 02/02/2026 15:38

Seven months in is still the Honeymoon period OP. You should be looking forward to seeing him and both eager to have sex

If he’s like this now I really do hope that you leave him. Things don’t bode well for your future with him.

SamphiretheTervosaur · 02/02/2026 16:40

For your own mental health acknowledge that you picked a weird one, dump him and don't look back

He has issues. He has already started to convince they are down to you... they aren't!

Get ahead of his game, leave in your own terms.

MightyGoldBear · 02/02/2026 17:00

Hello op really sorry you're going through this you deserve a lot more!
I'd suggest joining love after porn on reddit it has a wonderful community and great resources.

Proccy · 02/02/2026 17:07

Check his phone/laptop and you'll find porn, I'm 99% sure.

BauhausOfEliott · 02/02/2026 17:30

Mumsnet has a strong tendency to assume that any sex-related problem in any given relationship is down to the man being 'addicted to porn'. I mean, sure, there's a possibility that might be the issue, but it could also be any number of other far more common issues - none of which, crucially, would be your fault.

Anyway - it doesn't really matter why this is happening. What matters is this:

Whenever I have brought it up though he always goes into a rant about why women have such an issue with this stuff and always take it personally and it is abnormal to be able to have sex as much as i can

He's a complete arsehole if that's how he reacts to a sensible conversation about your sex life, and shaming you for your sex drive is unforgivable. Kick this man to the kerb and move on. Only seven months in and he's already having problems with his sex drive and being arsey with you and acting like there's something wrong with you when there clearly isn't? Not worth it. Dump him.

PoppySaidYesIKnow · 02/02/2026 17:44

Read all the replies, reassure yourself it is NOT you and kick him into touch. He’s not very nice and is definitely addicted to porn. You deserve a lot more.

shhblackbag · 02/02/2026 17:57

Kokorokokooo · 01/02/2026 21:00

Oh God who has the time to deal with this shit, dump him already. you're too young to deal with bad sex.

Absolutely this.

Whenever I have brought it up though he always goes into a rant about why women have such an issue with this stuff and always take it personally and it is abnormal to be able to have sex as much as i can

Tell him to fuck the hell off. Bastard.

Academicallyminded · 02/02/2026 17:58

Run!

PardonMe3 · 02/02/2026 18:05

End the relationship. It's a massive red flag. 16 years in and H and I still have a good sex life. Your in the honeymoon period. The first two years are really as good as it gets. Also stop blaming yourself. You haven't changed. He has. Leave now. Staying will only further ruin your self esteem.

GhostMutt · 02/02/2026 18:45

This is not normal.
My guess would be that he has mh problems. Maybe he’s on medication for it. Both can affect libido and sexual function.
He’s said he’s depressed.
You really haven’t known him very long.
maybe he’s was in a good place mentally when you met but has declined since.

Xmasxrackers · 02/02/2026 18:47

At first I thought he needs to see a doctor, but after your last post and how mysoginistic he sounds I’d run far far away OP

babylamb4 · 02/02/2026 19:01

Could be a number of things, doesn’t always have to be porn addiction. My ex couldn’t finish when he was doing coke no matter how hard he tried and he wasn’t a porn addict. Medication could also be a factor. If he’s Coke head you’ll know because he’ll never have any money

RunMeOver · 02/02/2026 20:10

FinallyHere · 02/02/2026 14:28

Yup. It’s porn grip and he will have had it from the start. He used to pretend to hook you in but is now comfortable enough to show you what he really needs.

it’s nothing that you can do anything about. He is starting to blame you.

one life rule which will make your life so much better : don’t ever have sex when you have to turn your emotions off.

What so he had the porn addiction at the start, but was able to "pretend" so well that all the symptoms, like being unable to climax, didn't occur? 😕You mean after all the thousands or millions of posts on here about death grip syndrome, it turns out to be something that can just be turned on or off by conscious choice?

Surely the answer then is for him to just keep pretending.

Sohelpmegod25 · 02/02/2026 20:12

mrssunshinexxx · 01/02/2026 21:27

Addicted to porn

this
walk away