Can't talk to DH

[myotheraccountsa]

Married over a decade. He's a lovely person and nothing is surfacially "wrong".

But we just can't / don't talk about anything of substance. We watch a lot of television. Anything beyond that, it seems to feel like we're not hearing each other. Or someone gets offended. Or we argue. Honestly, it's more effort than it's worth, so we just...don't.

I am so full of regrets in my life. I actually feel very down at the moment. I regret how trapped I feel in my career. I regret that we didn't have a DD and now it's too late to try (plus of course you can't guarantee, and we have wonderful DSs). I regret that we haven't travelled more. I regret that we didn't breed from my beloved horse while she was young enough and now she's getting old and I honestly can't imagine my world without her in it. I regret friendships I've lost. Houses we didn't buy. Family members I didn't see and then they died.

So many regrets and I can't talk to DH about them. Not that any of it is his problem really. I just feel alone. He plays his computer game, I sit alone trying to cope with these really big feelings. Sometimes I manage, but right now I'm feeling overwhelmed with it...and talking to him feels imposdible.

I sent him an AI picture of us with the DD we never had. He said "why did you do that? It's made me a bit emotional". And went back to playing his computer game. Yesterday i was really low. I hinted I'd like me, DS and the dog to go on a long drive he needed to do just so we could be together. He said it made more sense for us to stay home.

I just thought being in a marriage is meant to feel like someone is always there, your partner, that you can talk to about anything. But I feel so alone.

Ok so odd you have dismissed posters suggesting professions help and instead assumed we meant counselling

You asked why the picture thing is 'unhinged'. Aside from the fact that it should surely have been obvious that it would achieve nothing but possibly upsetting both you and your husband, it's very strange of you to think that an image of you with a picture of a made-up, non-existent, AI-generated girl would reveal or portray any kind of representation of the reality of having an actual daughter. What was the purpose of it? It's essentially just 'Here's what we would look like with a girl standing next to us'. I think the fact that you think this was a reasonable thing to do is an indication that you really do need to get some help.

OP, you literally just admitted that it was ‘self-torture’ - do you think torturing oneself is normal, stable behaviour? Because I don’t. You’re basically self-harming.

You say you should be able to talk to your husband about anything. Well… up to a point. But no, sending your husband AI pictures you’ve conjured up deliberately to upset yourself to get his attention (and clearly hoping he’ll join you in your misery and be as upset as you are) isn’t rational, reasonable behaviour. At all.

Your husband isn’t your therapist and he absolutely cannot be a 24/7 sounding board for your mental health issues and ‘regrets’. It isn’t fair on him and you don’t seem to have any interest in his needs or feelings at all.

You are obviously in a very depressed and intense emotional state and I sympathise with that, I genuinely do. But you need professional help.

She does need professional help. Just because she doesn’t like counselling, that doesn’t mean she doesn’t need professional help.

Firstly ‘professional help’ doesn’t necessarily mean counselling.

Secondly, just because someone doesn’t want to engage with a treatment for an illness, that doesn’t mean they don’t have that illness. The OP is very, very obviously unwell. It could not be more obvious. It’s up to her what treatment seeks (it wouldn’t have to be counselling) or indeed if she seeks any treatment at all, but it doesn’t change the fact that she’s unwell.

Her husband can’t cure her depression and no amount of him listening to her and looking at AI pictures of imaginary children with her is going to make her well again. If she broke her leg, it would be her choice whether she went to hospital or not, but if she didn’t go because she’d been to A&E before and didn’t like it, she would still have a broken leg and no amount of telling her husband about it would make it heal. Same applies to her mental health.

I found my mood gradually changed well before I noticed any changes to my cycle, although I may have just been too busy to notice more subtle changes as life is pretty hectic for me. I would recommend you start tracking your cycles and any changes you notice anyway. The Balance app is quite useful for this as it allows you to record any other symptoms you may be experiencing and some of the other resources and articles are very useful. When my cycles did change I would have one normal cycle for example, and then two bleeds the next month with random spotting thrown into the mix. Did your GP take any bloods when you last visited. Have you thought about any other lifestyle factors that may be affecting how you feel? I found i really had to overhaul everything before I felt better.

"I'm not a fan of counselling as I've had plenty in the past and it generally just points out what I already know (and costs us a lot of money in the process) but it cannot "make" me feel differently if I just simply don't. "

You really do need some external professional help, and I hear you about counselling.No one outside you can "make " you feel differently, but therapy can help you to see patterns of thinking that may be old and deeply ingrained, but not healthy or positive for you and help you alter that.
If - big IF - you can find the right person to work with.If you have found in the past it just pointed out what you already know I think you may not have found the right method/person, because a lot of what we think we know is grounded in patterns of thinking we have learned and may well not be the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth!And an (good, competent) uninvolved person, not a friend or partner, is more able to see that, and more able to listen to anything you need to say.
This is the voice of experience - so much of your post is familiar,
There is hope though, and talking to your GP is a start.

If you are struggling with regrets I highly recommend you listen to or read "the midnight library" by Matt Haig. It's fictional but it really does put regret into perspective.