Married over a decade. He's a lovely person and nothing is surfacially "wrong".
But we just can't / don't talk about anything of substance. We watch a lot of television. Anything beyond that, it seems to feel like we're not hearing each other. Or someone gets offended. Or we argue. Honestly, it's more effort than it's worth, so we just...don't.
I am so full of regrets in my life. I actually feel very down at the moment. I regret how trapped I feel in my career. I regret that we didn't have a DD and now it's too late to try (plus of course you can't guarantee, and we have wonderful DSs). I regret that we haven't travelled more. I regret that we didn't breed from my beloved horse while she was young enough and now she's getting old and I honestly can't imagine my world without her in it. I regret friendships I've lost. Houses we didn't buy. Family members I didn't see and then they died.
So many regrets and I can't talk to DH about them. Not that any of it is his problem really. I just feel alone. He plays his computer game, I sit alone trying to cope with these really big feelings. Sometimes I manage, but right now I'm feeling overwhelmed with it...and talking to him feels imposdible.
I sent him an AI picture of us with the DD we never had. He said "why did you do that? It's made me a bit emotional". And went back to playing his computer game. Yesterday i was really low. I hinted I'd like me, DS and the dog to go on a long drive he needed to do just so we could be together. He said it made more sense for us to stay home.
I just thought being in a marriage is meant to feel like someone is always there, your partner, that you can talk to about anything. But I feel so alone.