Dating men with children

[HedgeHogFan1980]

Hello, just looking for any advice/thoughts on dating men that already have children?
I'm 35 (f), single, no kids of my own, but would really like to settle down soon and have a family of my own (if I'm able to).
I've just started speaking to a guy online who seems really nice, a fair bit in common, but he does have a 4 year old daughter who he has every 2nd weekend. He has asked me out on a date, and I'm unsure whether it's something to do or not.
My friends said they think it'd be a good idea to just go for a coffee and see how we get on, no pressure... but what I wouldn't like to do is find that there is a good connection there, but then maybe feel that the complication of kids is too tricky - and feel like I've lead him or me on, and have wasted our time.
Any thoughts or opinions - would be gratefully received!

Surely you've just proved the point that getting into a relationship with someone who already had children caused a lot more problems?

You lack empathy.

@OP I would say date the Dad but do so with caution, care and kindness. Kids do get sick, plans get changed at short notice and you have to have understanding. Good luck.

No I don't lack empathy, but I don't empathise with Dad's who do the bare minimum, or those who defend that deadbeat behaviour.

Caring for parents so can't see his kid more than 4 days a month - but he has time to date?

Maybe she refused 50/50 - go to court.

Maybe he can't afford adequate housing- well he has the kid 4 days a month somewhere so he clearly does.

My brother is reluctantly a weekend Dad. Believe me If a spiteful Mum wants to make it difficult for Dad then Dad going to court is a super expensive exercise. Also some jobs it's impossible for Dad to do school routines but yet Dad needs said job to pay maintenance to Mum + put a roof over his head for child to stay over. Good jobs are becoming fewer and further between from one town to the next and money doesn't grow on trees for everyone.

Yet the mum needs to get a job/childcare that works around school routines. She can't just shrug and blame her job and hope someone else will be there.

Many, maybe even most men, say court is expensive so they don't even try. You can self represent and it initially costs about £300, there are no excuses for that imo.

If the family breakdown has been as bad as this story suggests, then why would someone else want to involve themselves in that? Some people have made bad choices, they've got to live with that and stop getting angry that others want to avoid it.

Why would a child-free person take on all that baggage when there are better options available?

There are lots of decent people in their late 30s with no baggage (and this goes for both sexes).

@Heyhelga
Does your brother's ex work?

@ReunitedThorns My husband didn't have any children when he met me and I had two - 7 and 9ish at the time. He is a great step dad to my two sons (now both older teenagers).

That's fine if that's what he wanted. But I don't think people should be getting angry at people's refusal to date them because they had children.

The OP wasn't keen and ended things. I don't see why people should be forced to continue if they don't want it. There are some very angry men on here who are annoyed that their dating pool has been seriously reduced because they fathered some children.

For me personally on the dating apps (when using premium) I filter out on "have children", and if I see "Have children" on any profile it's an immediate No. That is my personal preference and No.1 dealbreaker.

She owns a pub. So certainly more flexible than a land surveyor travelling all over the county. Just the way it is but the arrangement works for my nephew. He works hard to provide for his son, take him to watch football games, take him to his sports training and on foreign holidays. Just because he is reluctantly a weekend Dad doesn't automatically make him a deadbeat and a dating red flag which always seems to be the narrative with any separated Dad on Mumsnet.

@ReunitedThorns Absolutely fair enough. I didn't want to date a man with children either as I already had two of ny own.

You do lack empathy and are not willing to consider any benign reasons why he has limited access.
Maybe he did represented himself and lost.
Be honest how many women do you know that facilitate nesting co parenting? I know of none. Have you or your friends done nesting as form of co parenting?

I don't empathise with deadbeat dads or their cheerleaders, no.

I know lots of women and men in great coparenting relationships.

I also know of many dads who do the minimum and blame their ex for that.

You're coming out with so many excuses for this man, yet the blindingly obvious reason, and the most common, that he's a deadbeat, is the only one you won't accept.

Instead you like to think the poor little pumpkin battled through the courts while looking after his sick parents and living in a teeny bedsit.