Dating men with children

[HedgeHogFan1980]

Hello, just looking for any advice/thoughts on dating men that already have children?
I'm 35 (f), single, no kids of my own, but would really like to settle down soon and have a family of my own (if I'm able to).
I've just started speaking to a guy online who seems really nice, a fair bit in common, but he does have a 4 year old daughter who he has every 2nd weekend. He has asked me out on a date, and I'm unsure whether it's something to do or not.
My friends said they think it'd be a good idea to just go for a coffee and see how we get on, no pressure... but what I wouldn't like to do is find that there is a good connection there, but then maybe feel that the complication of kids is too tricky - and feel like I've lead him or me on, and have wasted our time.
Any thoughts or opinions - would be gratefully received!

Ok elektra1

My only non negotiatiable when dating was no kids. I know that sounds harsh and I actually wouldn't have an issue with the child/children. I love children and I think I would probably make a good step parent. However my potential husband being tied for the rest of his life to another woman and all that comes with that was an extra complication I'd rather avoid.

I had seen so many situations like this in my extended family and while a couple work out OK, the majority have been fraught with conflict.

That is unfair comment, maybe he had no choice. Maybe his weeks spent caring for an elderly mother or dad? Maybe she refuse to allow 50/50 parenting with co nesting, what he really wanted? Maybe he cannot afford adequate accommodation and is sharing a house? You don't know his circumstance so you should not comment harshly, would you like if someone said that about your son?

My son wouldn't be an every other weekend dad so nobody would say that about him.

That's a whole list of excuses for a Dad (who is able to get enough time and money to date) that you would be berating a Mum for. Embarrassing.

How about lots of men's dont push for a divorce because generally they want to stick around and support their wife or care for the family and thats before we get onto how they end up if they do without a house and access to their kids everyday. Seems your friends made bad choices in life dont tarnish everyone because I have seen way more bad behaviour from women than men in my experience but everyone should be treated on their own merit.

Oh I dated plenty

I would absolutely love to be this deluded.

Oh my god some of the comments on here are fucking vile. Not all men are bastards, every other weekend and a night in the week is actually pretty standard here in the uk and a court would usually do this as mum is also expected to spend some quality time with the dc at the weekends.
A single dad in their 30’s or 40’s is not automatically a bad person, what an awful attitude to have tarring everyone with the same brush.

When I became single again my kids were young - 3 and 6. When I finally started dating again I made the choice to find a man with no children as I couldn't have financially afforded to take on/house any more and also wouldn't have had the time as a working mum.

@CaffeinatedSeagull The starting point in UK courts now is usually 50/50. Unless either parent doesn't want 50/50 of course e.g. less time.

Interesting that you consider my friends husband’s remarrying within six months to be bad choices surely if they were so well behaved than these new younger childfree women would be lucky to have them
Or was that not what you meant?

Has been for nearly 20 years

Decent men don't go around calling people "fucking vile".

Hard one. Any dude that sees his own child twice a month would raise a big, fat RED FLAG for me. He’s a crap father. On the other hand, if he were a good, invested father, his kid would come first, and you’d end up being a full time step mum. Unless that’s what you want, it’s better to stick with men without children.

Tell me how I am deluded? We all have different experiences and a few of my mates have been destroyed by women who cant keep their legs shut and for that they lost the house, seeing their kids everyday and so on and before you make some excuse as to why these women did it well it was simply because they could. Yet I wouldnt blame women in general just individuals the exact opposite of what seems to happens on here.

So you want to judge all men by the actions of a few. Personally I dont know anyone male or female who as split up and got married again within 6 months hence we all have different experiences. You seem to want judge everyone by the actions of a few.

Yes, I'm sure you do have absolutely tonnes of mates who say they all lost their houses to women who "can't keep their legs shut".

A few was the words I used but you of course you can twist the narrative however you see fit, i mean of course it must always be the man's fault if a woman goes elsewhere hey.

Says the one blaming women and their open legs for stealing houses of the dear, sweet, innocent menfolk.

That's the point they were innocent but you by your comments seem to suggest thats not the case without having the slightest clue it seems to show a real arrogance and a lack of acceptance maybe both sexes can have unpleasant individuals but please carry on.

I agreed that I'm sure that's what they told you.

How many do you know that have set up home on their own and had 50-50 custody of their children post divorce and then taken a decent amount of time, I’m talking years to establish/rebuild their relationship relationships with their children.
Be involved, parents.

And then date/marry/co habit?
I cannot think of one.

That’s not the actions of a few. That’s the actions of hundreds over a 20 year period.

Well I will leave at it this one of the cases my friend married a woman who had 2 children already. Several years later the affair happened and the children now late teens moved out and live with him due to the fact they are so angry at what their mother did but hey I am sure you will still want to find a way to blame him.

Yup, that's what I do all day, just scour the Internet looking for ways to blame men that I dont know and will never meet for things 🤨

I'd never consider dating someone who already had children - always start on an equal footing. Make life easy for yourself in the long term and don't add complicated stuff where it isn't necessary.