Advice please - husband left me

[SharpBluePoster]

Hello. Never posted here before but hoping for practical advice. My husband left me quite unexpectedly this afternoon, saying he’s not happy although I think it’s an affair with a girl from his gym. Barely took anything with him. We agreed I would stay in the house and keep the dogs. We have no children. I want him to move out all of his stuff urgently and then change the locks and just move on with my life. I suppose it’s wrong for me to change the locks now? Any advice I should know about with a situation like this? Want to protect myself legally etc. I could afford to buy him out. Thank you

I deserve the nice office

I doubt the law will agree. You already have sole occupancy of the lion's share of the mutual property, right?

Not necessarily. He can come and go and he pleases I keep being told.

If you read what I said I did say get two keys and give one to him because she can’t lock him out of his property.

Well yes, and if you push him on the annexe, he might start exercising this right.

I did see that but it makes no sense. Why go to the expense of changing locks and giving him a key. Money down the drain.

I suppose so that he can’t just let himself in without warning the first time he comes back, giving the OP some element of control over the situation. It only works for the first time, though.

Because he’s taken the only key and at present she has no access to the office.

Exactly. I can’t access the office at the moment. From what I can see, he has left his summer clothes and cricket stuff in there. Cricket doesn’t start for a few months so maybe he is planning just to leave it until then.
We will see if he turns up tomorrow so go to work in his office. I am in Italy for work Weds to Friday this week. Already anxious about what I might find when I come home.

You seem surprised that he left belongings behind. It's half his house. All he has done is leave his stuff in the outside office and lock it for safekeeping. You don't have a leg to stand on atm. If this is the worst thing that happens between now and when the divorce is finalised you will be luckier than most women. Do you think the court cares that he left you? They care about the names on the deed. Enjoy Italy.

Don't forget to look into pensions and divorce. Sending you a hug

No, I don’t think the court cares that he left me. Thanks.

Yes. I am starting this process today. He will be absolutely delighted to get his hands on my pension, he actually used to talk about my pension all the time. Wonderful!

Thanks to all for the advice and support on this thread, it’s been super helpful.

Remember it might be possible to pay him a bigger % of the house share and keep your pension. If he's greedy he might be sweet talked into accepting this

You are doing awesome op, keep going, it will be worth it. Sorting the financials is fucking torture tbh. Leave it to your lawyer if at all possible. I just told mine what I wanted and to crack on and get it done, which she did. A good lawyer is worth the investment. Focus on the future, and if you waiver, remember what he did. He blew this relationship up, not you. I sound strong as I am a few years further down the road than you (I was a mess at the time!), hence the need for a good lawyer, good friends and preferably some support at work too if you have an understanding boss so much the better.

I didn’t know this, thank you

It's not about greed , it's about priorities and common sense. Many women feel attached to their homes and will opt to take a bigger % of that as opposed to taking a higher part of pension. I was advised NOT to do this as a pension will be more valuable in the future. People always say oh a house is valuable and will gain value but it also involves an outlay of funds. Pensions continue to increase at a higher rate of house prices.
Basically all your assets will be laid side by side and the starting point in 50/50. See Form E.

How's today gone , @SharpBluePoster

Fine. He text me yesterday saying “let me know when we can talk”. I don’t know what he wants to talk about but I am far too angry to speak to him anyway. He hasn’t made any attempt to come to the house. I was in the office today and it was good to have some normality. I am SHATTERED. Adrenaline wiped me out I think.

Bless you. Its such a difficult time for you. Being strong is bloody exhausting. Look after you ❤️

I kicked my husband out late Sunday, 7am Monday my dad was changing the locks!

How are you doing @SharpBluePoster