Advice please - husband left me

[SharpBluePoster]

Hello. Never posted here before but hoping for practical advice. My husband left me quite unexpectedly this afternoon, saying he’s not happy although I think it’s an affair with a girl from his gym. Barely took anything with him. We agreed I would stay in the house and keep the dogs. We have no children. I want him to move out all of his stuff urgently and then change the locks and just move on with my life. I suppose it’s wrong for me to change the locks now? Any advice I should know about with a situation like this? Want to protect myself legally etc. I could afford to buy him out. Thank you

Make sure dogs insurance, vets records, dog walker in your name only.

Wow, dogs just know! And it is quite (very) pleasurable that he saw before he left that you are her number 1!

Very happy to hear you will have no issue with ownership and you have them to get through this.

I think the suggestion to get some internal bolts on the doors is a good idea so he can’t come in when you’re at home and not expecting him. And a chain if you don’t have one. You want to feel that your home is your own - even if he does have legal rights to access you want that to be on your terms.

Well done! Get yourself to a solicitor on Monday and file for divorce. Take control of the situation. 💐

You are a badass Queen. Well done and please look after yourself. I really admire the way you have handled this!

Sympathies op, very similar happened to me. My ex went to ‘stay with his mum’ for a few days when I found out what was going on (went to the OW funnily enough). I did change the locks, I figured I’d take the chance and see if he complained as I felt safer (he didn’t). I got a ring doorbell put in then too. I didn’t hang about, there was no way I was staying with a cheat, I saw a lawyer right away, bought him out and divorced his cheating arse. Good luck - my life is much happier now, and yours will be too. (It got even better recently when I heard OW had chucked him out and he’s now actually staying with his mum…karma).

You’re not allowed to change the locks but you are allowed to fit a bolt…so you feel safer now you live alone.
I'd leave the bolt on and use the back door.

Nice work OP.
Life without the asshole in the house is lovely. So glad the dogs are all yours.

Would you think this is OK if a wife was going after half of everything? It's the law. You can't say it's ok for a woman to do but not a man.

I am back home now and he did as I asked, he’s taken all his stuff and it’s like he never lived here. I tried to brace myself but it’s made me feel terribly sad it’s come to this. I think the hard part is now - staying strong, staying no contact. It’s going to be really tough now.

I'm sending lots of love and strength.

You sound fantastic, op, and I'm sure you'll thrive. You've to just get through the worst bits.
Then you can enjoy when he comes back, desperate to make up and you genuinely and completely do not want him. Xx

Why would anyone ring him about such a review? It's not his Instagram page, doesn't have his name on it.

She rang him, and the only reason why she'd do so is because he has cheated with her.

OP, I'm so sorry.

So difficult for you. Main advice from me (which you already know) is that any contact is futile because all trust us gone. Next comment is - you're a goddess ✨️ Don't lose sight of that

OP you sound incredibly strong, see that solicitor asap, get the ball rolling and protect your assets from him.

What a fool he is, you deserve better.

No self-respecting man goes after his stbxw's pension and savings when he is fit and healthy and has multiple degrees and professional certifications, works in a high paying job with unlimited earning potential but chooses to fritter away his money then go after his wife's financial security in a divorce.

That’s ok - bank won’t oversea this if your in UK - you are ok to clear it

She certainly can change the locks and only give him a key when he asks

No she can’t as the house is jointly owned. She can change it if he gives permission but till they divorce she can’t .

She can change them as long as she doesn’t withhold a key

She’d have to give him a key straight away then as it’s his house too.

I hope you’re ok OP. You’re really lucky he’s gone and you won’t need to see him in the house. He doesn’t really need to come back for anything else.
He probably feels guilty so might stay away, which will help you. Find your new routine. You can change the interior in the house, move furniture around, have some kind of new project. Or try yoga, meditation, hypnosis for getting through this. Or psychologist if you can afford it. The emotions, why, self pity most likely will hit you and it will be harder to get over it. You might start thinking he doesn’t care and all sorts which doesn’t help. You need to focus on yourself . Stay strong! You’re wonderful!

I will, thank you. The nearest divorce solicitor is the same one my mum went to 25 years ago when my dad left her for another woman. I really didn’t think that would ever be me.

No she doesn’t

She could wait till he asks

its called peaceable exclusion - she’s securing her safety

she mustn’t refuse to give him key when he asks but it will help her feel safe in the immediate

These shitty men never fail to be unimaginative. I loled at the gym being his entire personality. It’s so pathetic. Excellent use of free will leaving that review too. What an absolutely stellar move. I can’t believe what a fool he is, you’re a goddess! Stay strong.

Bit of an annoyance this morning. Discovered he actually put quite a bit of his stuff in his office in the garden, locked the door and took the key! Irritating as he still might come back for it and I wanted to make it my office, as it’s much nicer than mine.

I guess I could ask a locksmith to come and replace the lock but it still means I have to keep some of his stuff here. I thought we were done and dusted! Argh!