Advice please - husband left me

[SharpBluePoster]

Hello. Never posted here before but hoping for practical advice. My husband left me quite unexpectedly this afternoon, saying he’s not happy although I think it’s an affair with a girl from his gym. Barely took anything with him. We agreed I would stay in the house and keep the dogs. We have no children. I want him to move out all of his stuff urgently and then change the locks and just move on with my life. I suppose it’s wrong for me to change the locks now? Any advice I should know about with a situation like this? Want to protect myself legally etc. I could afford to buy him out. Thank you

Absolutely get a locksmith @SharpBluePoster - how cheeky is he?! Alternatively look on YouTube for how to replace a lock if it’s a barrel lock. It’s really easy.

Box it up and tell him it’s on the front step/in the garage etc

Absolutely agree with @harriethoyle get access. How did he think you wouldn’t notice?!

He can’t lock you out of any part of your own property. Get the lock changed, get two keys and give him one so that he can’t say that you locked him out too. Then put all the stuff in bin bags on the drive and tell him to come and get it. His choice, his problem.

Definitely get the lock changed so that you have access to the room

Do you have anywhere else that you can store his stuff? How about his parents house? I think it's reasonable for you to take his remaining stuff to his parents

@SharpBluePoster if it is straightforward financially and you’re in uk have a look here; may not need to go through a solicitor (I didn’t). Might be an idea to avoid doing anything antagonistic like lock changing the office until you at least ask him to move his stuff and see if he will (as in “I don’t want to see you as you’ve decided to end things, I just want to move on and that means a clean break. Also, I would like to use that as my office going forwards”) then if he won’t move his stuff and give you the key you can look into changing it (he might change it back though). Suggest to him you’ll get a couple of Estate agents round to value the house (I had 3 valuations and ex and I agreed a value then I paid him off and never saw him again, didn’t even see him with the divorce). I appreciate it’s difficult but you just need to get through this

www.gov.uk/divorce

I would have to ask his dad and his dad has already said “don’t involve me” so I don’t think his dad would accept me dropping it off. Blood is very much thicker than water when it comes to those two. His dad left his mum for another woman when he was the same age so I am sure he is very sympathetic to his son.

the office is full of giant Lego buildings everywhere, will be such a pain in the arse to move them but I deserve the nice office and I don’t want to look at them.

He also left his giant monstrosity of a TV in the living room which I have always despised. The temptation to stick it on Facebook marketplace for £5!

My BIL is coming over later, I think we will just put everything in the attic, close the door and I will try and forget it’s there.

Defo get into the nice office. If you don’t want to bin the stuff he has left (I would, and did) stash it in the attic for now. Watch out for him looking to slither back when this affair goes tits up. My ex had to go back to his mums when the OW dumped him - first thing he did was try to cosy up to a friend of mine to get intel about whether I was single… (and I had divorced him by then). Don’t even consider it for a second, he’s a cheating rat!

Ah ha, I see , @SharpBluePoster.....yes, I can understand about his Dad, now. The loft seems a good option. Out of sight and you can use the room.

Half that money is his so you should put it back or give it to him. You can’t just take joint assets

Plenty of people receive a share of their partners pension when they split. Is it only women who can do that and still have self respect?

It’s to pay for the mortgage and our bills, all of which I will still do on my own. By now he would have seen I have done it and hasn’t mentioned it. I expect he thinks it’s fair play as he’s had an affair. I don’t expect he will challenge me on this.

Half of the money in the house account is his TO PAY FOR THE HOUSE

Whilst the house is in joint names,he is liable for everything just as before

So as long as the OP uses the money from the house account to pay for the house, then imo that's fine

And H should be transferring money into that house account each month until the house is no longer in his name

Also she can’t lock him out of his property?

He is. I expect he is infatuated with her and she’s demanded he leave me. Who knows how long it will last.

No that’s why pp has said get 2 keys and give him one. He has locked her out of part of their property

I just think a mumsnet thread full of “you go girl” encouraging you to take his money, lock him out etc May leave you legally exposed. These posters advise what the would like to be true, not what is true.

galling as it is, you need to be fair. Half that money is his (and yes he has an obligation still for half the bills) and it’s half his house.

get proper advice, not mumsnet advice from people who won’t be damaged if you ge it wrong

In one breath you’re changing all the locks to lock him out and everyone thinks it’s great. He then locks you out of the office where he’s put his stuff and he’s a monster. Complete double standards.

I completely get divorce is awful, whether the reason is due to affairs or just drawn apart. But you’re making yourself out to be a professional person, be one.

I assume your soon to be ex is around the same age, you’re both 40s, get a lawyer each and be adults about it. If he doesn’t have a history of domestic violence etc, he’s not going to suddenly want to attack you, especially as he initiated it.

Does he usually work from home? Is he expecting to still work from home?

Are you sure he is not still expecting to work from the office?

It would be unfair for him to keep turning up, dogs, despite being gorgeous, are not children and do not need shared custody.

Change the locks OP, and pleased you can afford to buy him out. Am sorry this has happened to you and do whatever you need to do to get through this horrible time. Be kind to you.

This isn't sensible. It's just causing aggravation- dumping stuff outside. It's like the people you read on here who said she peed on her husband's clothing 🤮

This is terrible advice- everything in the marriage goes into the financial settlement- women don’t get to pick and choose what they want- of course the husband should have gone after 1/2 of everything- all settlements should start 50:50 and go from there , especially if the wife earned more

He does and yes I did wonder this. That would be very bloody annoying if that’s his intention.

I don’t believe I have suggested he is going to attack me.

Incredibly annoying, but I don't think you can stop him. When you see your solicitor they might have some ideas to avoid contact