I will start with a bit of background context.
my husband suffers with mental health, 2 years ago he came out of work to help with his recovery finding the right medication and awaiting assessments.
I decided to get a promotion at work to help with financial support, so we could maintain our lives.
the pressure that I was under was enormous, I had a sick husband and a new job that I quickly realised I hated, I couldn’t step down as we couldn’t afford it, I was miserable. I couldn’t talk to my husband because I didn’t want to put pressure on him, or make him feel bad.
with his mental health, a bad drinking stage, I found myself feeling so trapped. As miserable as I was at work I lt was my safe place, I had my friends and I found myself throwing myself in to work more and more because it was quiet.
the one thing I didn’t realise is that I started putting my job before my family, my husband felt deserted, like I had just dropped them, him mainly, he says I haven’t been there for him. I tried so hard to explain that I hadn’t, and that I was doing my best for our family, i tried to tell him about how I was feeling but I was consistently shut down.
I would have time off and It was always arguing, so I started to make sure I was busy on my days off. we stopped doing things together. His mental health got so bad that he was unbearable to be around.
I love my husband dearly. And I have tried to make him understand why I was the way I was but again was shut down and he stressed that his mental health was more important and that I should have been there for him. Who was there for me?
last Year my dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer, it hit me like a truck, I now have to work full time, help care for my dad, and help my husband.
I am worn thin.
just before Christmas, I got in to a bit of a muddle with our rent and we received a letter which he opened and hit the roof. He’s told me his trust in me has gone. And now he wants a divorce and to move out. He is still living here atm, he’s moved in to the spare bedroom, I still do everything for him, we still have sexual relations. But i am utterly shattered. He can not see what I have done for him. I have got to set boundaries but I know I will buckle because I don’t want this, I don’t want to lose my family. I have begged, I’ve promised I will change and be at home more. I have joined the gym so we could do something together but he’s not interested in coming with me, he wants to do it alone. I booked a holiday for us for Christmas and he says he’s not coming. So just me and our son will be going.
he told me the other day to stop trying, to get my own life. He was my life. How can I stop trying when it’s something I can’t let go of, 13 years of my life I have given to him. How can he throw that away? When everything I have done is for him and our family. With everything I have going on in my life how can I be happy? I have stepped down from my position because life is just getting too hard right now. I’m drowning in grief.