How to fall back in love after being severely lied to

[AzureRobin]

I found out eighteen months ago that my long term boyfriend had been lying to me about virtually all aspects of his life - job, health, ex, children etc and had lied to try to make me dependent on him. We broke up and didn't speak for six months.

We have been back in touch as friends and met up. I know he wants a relationship with me and I feel torn. I can't imagine him being gone from my life and with someone else but at the same time I feel quite numb if he hugs me as if all my desire has been turned off towards him to protect myself. I have adult sons who dislike him due to the history of lies and I feel so confused.

Just don't.

I'm sorry OP but someone who lies doesn't suddenly become a truthful person.

What did he lie about and how did you find out?

Why are you considering getting back together with him?

Why would you even contemplate this? Release him to lie to someone else and find yourself a non dud.

He's completely untrustworthy, why would you want to fall in love with him again Op? Why give him another chance to spoil your life? Your adult sons don't like him, I don't blame them.

Listen to your body - it's trying to tell you to reject this man.

To lie about parts of your life is one thing.
To lie to manipulate someone to deliberately make them vulnerable is disgusting. How could you ever trust him again?

Jealousy is not a reason to get back together, I'd actually feel more sorry for the poor woman who gets to endure his next pack of lies.

Liars don't change. Please listen to your sons as they have your best interests at heart. l would advise you to cut all contact with him before he sucks you back in.

Don’t waste your time and energy, ignore him and move on.

Why on earth would you bother?

Absolutely do not believe that this will work out. It’s massively unlikely.

Nope. Go back to not speaking. He's broken your trust too badly to mend this.

Why would you even want to be ’friends’? He doesn’t deserve your friendship never mind anything else.

You have your answer - your body is rejecting him, no desire, numb, you are in survival mode!

What you are describing isn't healthy. Imagining your life without somebody isn't necessarily love either and a sign you belong together.

We all make mistakes but if he wanted a relationship he would have not have lied or manipulated you to believe the things he told you.

You managed 6 months without him, thats a start! I'd stop now and move forward.

Please don't even consider it. For sure he's being plausible, this is what liars are so good at. Lying and manipulation. You can never trust him again - do you want to spend time looking over your shoulder, wondering if he's telling the truth. Do yourself a big favour and cut off contact - there are nice, truthful people out there who will be worthy of you.

It's good that your body has done this to protect you. It's telling you that you don't want to be controlled and gaslighted. Listen to your body.

He's a manipulative wanker.
Shut the door on his chapter of your life and be done with it.

Your sons are right. Don't put them through any more of this madness.

Friends don't lie.

Only a fool would get back with a man who has lied extensively. He won't change. Isn't your relationship with your sons more important than this loser?

Absolutely do not do this. He’s a lying turd who has significantly negatively impacted your life.

Also, you should not have him as a friend. He isn’t a friend. He’s a user. Your adult sons do not like him.

get away from him.

Why would you bother? Block him and move on.

Why would you want to fall back in love with a liar?

Why would you be trying to ‘fall back in love’ with a man who is so obviously bad news? Run for the hills. He’s awful.

What has he done in the last 6months to change?
Therapy, work books, daily practices radical honesty? Anything?
If nothing then do not go back he is the same person who will treat you the same.

It take intentional hard work and consistent effort to change lying, deceitful behaviors.

You don’t. Why would you spend time or start a relationship with somebody like that. Move on.

I agree with PP - this is not someone to fall back in love with.

I wouldn't even see him 'as a friend' either - friends don't treat each other in the way he treated you.

Would you tell massive lies to someone you like or love? No. Because it shows disrespect and contempt. This is how he felt about you. He didnt like you or love you.