How to fall back in love after being severely lied to

[AzureRobin]

I found out eighteen months ago that my long term boyfriend had been lying to me about virtually all aspects of his life - job, health, ex, children etc and had lied to try to make me dependent on him. We broke up and didn't speak for six months.

We have been back in touch as friends and met up. I know he wants a relationship with me and I feel torn. I can't imagine him being gone from my life and with someone else but at the same time I feel quite numb if he hugs me as if all my desire has been turned off towards him to protect myself. I have adult sons who dislike him due to the history of lies and I feel so confused.

You fell in love with someone who doesnt exist. You are naturally mourning the loss of what you thought you had. That person STILL does not exist, its just that this 'man' is good at convincing you he does. If he was the person you needed, he would have been that the first time, he wasnt and he wont be again.

Its normal to crave what you thought you had, our minds play tricks on us but that feeling you think is 'love' is just a chemical reaction in your brain because he is giving you what you need...for now.

It wont last, dont just be his toy to fuck about with. Protect yourself and seek out things that give you that buzz without him - a parachute jump, a solo holiday, a dance class...dont let this liar hurt you again. Because he will.

End it and block him. He sounds like an absolute creep.

The therapist also sounds like a creep. I think we tend to assume that therapists are always going to see the truth and help guide us, but often they are just as easily taken in by narcissists and abusers. Plus with educational standards dropping so low, a lot of younger therapists I think just don't really know anything or have any experience of life. I would be very, very careful about which therapists you trust. Use your discernment.

I found out eighteen months ago that my long term boyfriend had been lying to me about virtually all aspects of his life - job, health, ex, children etc and had lied to try to make me dependent on him

Why would you even consider "falling back in love with him"? You shouldn't be anywhere near him.
You also need therapy of your own to explore why you put up with this in the first place and why you are considering getting back with someone who has treated you like this.

I have serious concerns about the therapist. And so should you.

I think this is a great idea. He has definitely changed and learned from his mistakes. You should welcome him back into your life and trust him wholeheartedly…

The lying is on him, but if you go back the stupidity is all your own.

Don't waste your time

You are actually in a better position than you think. You are asking about falling back in love with a serial liar... Imagine if you were actually still in love, while knowing it is not good, now that would be difficult. You are lucky you don't have to break your own heart for the good cause. Start fresh, either enjoy life without a partner, or look for a relationship where you are respected and not being repeatedly lied to... (all aspects of life... just... wow)

He lied about everything and your kids dont like him. You didnt speak for 6 months so you can live without him.

The fuck no, OP. Just, no.

Behave