My sister’s boyfriend is innocently texting me about a surprise for her

[Mango213]

Sorry I’m young and in need of some advice.

Ok so context, this is about my twin sister (F20). she has recently got her first boyfriend (M21) and they’ve been dating for only around 3 months. Now neither of us have had boyfriends before and I don’t have many close friends so i’m unclear of any ‘rules’.

I’ve met him only once and it was brief and quick (just a hello really). But just yesterday, the boyfriend found my social media’s (we aren’t following each other or anything) and he started texting me asking questions about certain interests my sister likes because he has a few presents and surprises in mind. I’m not sure what the occasion is, but regardless, he seems to come across like this is normal and that’s good. He’s a nice person.

So- I’m wondering if I should tell her that he has been texting me. I definitely don’t want to ruin any surprise he has and I’m more than happy to help him. But, because she knows we barely know each other and don’t even follow each other, I don’t want her to look over at either of our phones when she’s with one of us and see we have been in contact, and then think something shadys going on.

Me and my sister tell each other everything. I’m good at secrets if it’s for a present but I don’t want her thinking we are talking about her behind her back and she’s out of the loop. Do I tell her or leave it be? Is it a big deal?

This is a good idea.

Noo i meant i dont want her to assume we are discussing Her behind her back. She definitely trusts both of us but with our relationship (like i said we tell each other everything) if she saw we were texting she would probably just raise an eyebrow and i wouldn’t want to stress her, or wouldn’t want her thinking she’s left out of something. especially since i haven’t really had any communication with the boyfriend beforehand.

aww thank you i really appreciate this perspective! i agree, i think he just needs a bit of help, i believe he knows her interests but is just curious on what she’d like (relating to those interests)

Can i just add some other context i should’ve added: this is both of their first relationships. i think he, himself is unsure of ‘rules’ or how to act and he does really like her so i believe is just trying to show he cares and wants to get everything right.

As others have said, as long as his messages continue to be just about ideas for gifts for your sister, it’s fine. It the messages start to get more general and chatty, I’d back off a bit. Just don’t reply, or take longer, or send 2 word replies. It’s fine to have a chatty friendship with your sister’s boyfriend further down the line, but a bit too soon at this stage I think.

I don't think it's an issue.
He's talking about your sister. Don't spoil the surprise. Maybe ask him when the surprise is for, then you could talk to her about it after

OP, so readers can see who you're responding to, you can either click on quote (bottom left) or use the PP's name with an @ sign eg @Mango213 That'll make it easier to follow the conversation :)

ohh my bad, i thought i was doing something wrong! i’m embarrassed hahah!! thank you so much

Sorry everyone I’ll fix the replies/quotes when I’m home today

birthday is in may, but maybe it’s for valentines (?) and he was fine for xmas, she showed me most of what he got and it was all nice gifts

Noo i meant i dont want her to assume we are discussing Her behind her back. She definitely trusts both of us but with our relationship (like i said we tell each other everything) if she saw we were texting she would probably just raise an eyebrow and i wouldn’t want to stress her, or wouldn’t want her thinking she’s left out of something. especially since i haven’t really had any communication with the boyfriend beforehand.

Unless you and your sister have jealousy issues I can't see anything to worry about. I wouldn't think anything bad of my sister texting my partner as I trust her 100%.

'No apparent reason'. Other than it's 3 weeks to Valentine's Day....

You’re so overthinking this. Just stay quiet.

Exactly.

some of the replies 🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️

So this only started yesterday? He should have enough info now and the texts should stop

If you use the 'quote's button at the bottom
ic a message. We'll know whose comment you are referring to.

Yeah. Don't let people here make you think badly of him, he just wants to get it right x

I apologise, thank you for letting me know, i’m just trying to fix this. Sorry if it’s a mess to read at the moment

Thank you for saying this x

You can't 'fix' things in here 🤣. The must you can do is edit a post (by clucking in the 3 fits) first a few seconds.

dont worry about existing posts , just give it a
go going forward.

There you see, you have the hang of it already!!

I'd respond to him with 'Dave, the thing with twins is that we tell each other everything and it is virtually impossible for me to keep a secret about any surprises you are planning. I know you want to plan something but honestly, I'm not the best person to try to keep any secrets from her. All the best Mango'.

I think you’re over thinking this, I think he is genuinely trying to do something nice.