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Original poster

Think my wife isn’t interested in me anymore

107 replies

40YearOldScottishDad · 11/01/2026 23:52

First time posting here….my wife and I have been together for over 11 years and have been married for nearly 7 years and have two amazing kids. My wife is an amazing mum and I’m honestly so grateful for all that she does for us all. I’ve always had a higher sex-drive than my wife, but recently I’ve been feeling a bit frustrated as our sex life is virtually nonexistent. Think we’ve had sex twice in the past year and the past couple of times that I’ve tried to initiate it she’s either made excuses or, like the last time, tells me that she’s doesn’t find herself getting turned on anymore. She says she still loves me and finds me attractive but it’s difficult going to bed every night knowing that she has not interest in sex. I’ve tried to do different things to reignite our sex life but they haven’t worked. She ended up being really annoyed with me once after I bought her some lingerie (which I’d spent ages picking out so it wasn’t too provocative and genuinely thought she’d like it) so that’s a no-go area. I’m happy to do absolutely anything she wants to do and have no issue talking about sex, but she really doesn’t like to talk about it and got upset when we’ve spoken about it previously.
It was my 40th birthday a few days ago (hence the username) and we went out for the day, which was our first date for months. It was lovely but I’d previously mentioned about staying overnight somewhere, but she didn’t want to as our daughter had a dance class the other day. That is absolutely fine as ordinarily I wouldn’t want her to miss something she enjoys, but I thought it would be fine this once since we never get a night away just the two of us.
I don’t know if I’m overthinking this a bit much but just looking for some outside opinions as I don’t really like the idea of spending my life in a sexless marriage.

Thanks in advance!

OP posts:
AllIdoistidyup · 15/01/2026 12:24

Do you do any housework? Get up early with the kids on weekends? Remember to put the bins out? Read the emails from school? Know when the insurances are due to renew and the car MOT needs doing?

If you share that load then you become instantly more attractive.

LittlePurpleTeapot · 15/01/2026 20:13

UnemployedNotRetired · 13/01/2026 17:22

To be rapidly followed by:
-> it's because you don't share the housework.
From a few, you're a bad lover.

And inevitable disappearance of the OP.

In other words, pretty pointless all round.

Show quote history

Or for a change he could actually follow the advice, do his share round the house so she's not fucking knackered, make his wife feel seen as a valued and respected human being in her own right (and not just an alternative to a wank sock) and see where it leads.

Given that the advice comes from women who have actually experienced it actually telling him what women need from a marriage, it's sound advice.

Or do you think he was just looking for posters telling him ways to manipulate his wife into bed without any really effort on his part?

vodkaredbullgirl · 15/01/2026 20:20

We will never know, as they not come back.

HopefullyGrey · 16/01/2026 00:17

I wonder if he got sex.

IWetMyPlants · 16/01/2026 21:43

Vivaleconfused · 12/01/2026 00:22

Can only tell you from a wife’s perspective.

  • don’t find husband attractive anymore. He’s almost like another child, leaving all the emotional labour to me, leaving decision making to me etc.
  • sex is pretty meh. I rarely orgasm, he always does. I rather just masturbate or use my toys when he’s not around. I get an orgasm.
  • sometimes I feel he only wanted to know me when he wanted sex. He’d be pawing at me when I was trying to load the dishwasher, planning nights away etc. but seldom took any interest in me and the things I like (non sexual things).
  • each time I saw him side eye another woman or taking a double look at another women while we were out or driving, or saw him looking at another woman on social media (thirst traps, when he thought I wasn’t looking), it kind of was like blowing on a candle flame. I’m not jealous but it was the principal of it, and seeing him as some middle age pervert just like the ones I used to feel sorry for and try to avoid when I was young. Eventually the flame went out.
  • he rarely brushed his teeth.
  • he dressed like an old person. Stopped taking care of himself and his appearance. Zero effort.
  • sex was boring and predictable.
  • he hardly ever helped with housework or just did the minimum to a mediocre standard. So he was just a bit of a burden. Like a child. I don’t want to have sex with children so…

That was what happened with my husband of 20 years anyway. He was actually a top bloke but once the ick creeps in, there’s not really any going back.

Love this! Just like what I'm going through right now...

GKG1 · 17/01/2026 22:28

Came back to see if yer man came back. Surprise surprise.

HorseyWoman · 17/01/2026 23:36

I mean, I agree with everything said by the PPs. But I would add that if she is perimenopausal, which is highly likely at 40/41, it isn't just oestrogen and progesterone that can be an issue. It is often overlooked because we aren't men, and I had huge issues being taken seriously even with a blood test showing it was low, but we do lose testosterone as we get older and that is the biggest steer in sex drive.

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