1 year in and he said he thought I was "easy"

[FoamBathPink]

Been together a year now, and it is getting quite serious.

We were reminiscing about the early days of our relationship and he said that he thought I was "easy" given we had slept together early on, and it'd taken time for him to realise that actually he really cares for me deeply. I obviously don't mind if it took a while to catch feels but I didn't like that he had thought this about me. He's never said anything like this before.

We'd met on the apps and chatted for a couple of weeks then gone for drinks / meal, and then gone our separate ways with a hug at the end. Couldn't meet the following week because my friend's mum had just passed away and I needed to see her. He cancelled our next date (also midweek) because he was ill. The next time we met he'd invited me to go to his for him to cook me a meal. That was when we first slept together. We'd been texting and chatting in between the whole time.

So we didn't do that "sleep together on the third date" thing which seems to be very much expected as it was only the second time we had met in person.

I don't know why what he'd said bothers me so much; maybe because I'd been through a "dry spell" of 18 months prior to meeting him. He's slept with more people than me, too.

Then when I think about it too hard I am annoyed because thinking about "bodycounts" etc. seems so ridiculous (and sexist) when we are both 40!

He is not from the UK and does have some funny attitudes towards women, his home country is conservative and Christian. He's been here 20 yrs but sometimes he says things that are really old-fashioned. Essentially I feel that he has shut shamed me.

I am not sure if I want to continue with someone who thinks I am (or was) "easy". Or maybe it was just clumsily worded and I need to move on.

Tia x

This is the thing. How you behaved was up for scrutiny, but not him? There’s a word for that.

Throw this one back

Yuck.

Throw the sexist pig back.

He sounds a bit simple, or possibly nasty. Either way, he’s judging you for doing the same as him.

Run for the hills - if things keep getting serious he’ll be expecting you to play housewife for him too.

@FoamBathPink
His attitude reminds me very much of my exH, tell me now, Italian?
I met him when he was 22 (southern Italy) and had just arrived in the UK, in his 60s now but some deep rooted beliefs always remain......

Grim. I don’t think shagging and gigs is enough compensation for dating a misogynist.

You seriously believe a man who tells you he thought you were easy and then criticises your genitals is kind?

Interesting, attraction is unexplainable i guess, but i suppose im more interested in your background as to why you wouldnt have been instantly repelled the first time he made these comments, and by the fact he's clearly not very bright too i guess! What have you said to him, when he's made these comments?

As an Italian myself, from the north, agree with you.

Your update is even worse than your initial post @FoamBathPink and that was bad enough.
He’s a shocker, and I wouldn’t think twice about binning him off immediately. No matter how hot or good in bed he is. He’s gross. No wonder you have the ick.

Is English his first language? Sometimes it’s worth getting to the bottom of what he actually means - there can be language subtleties that non-native speakers don’t always get. My DH has been in the UK for 20 years plus and we still have the odd issue when one of us misinterprets a language/ meaning issue. Wouldn’t flip out YET.

Or…. He could just be a nasty sexist and there’s no more to it than that!

What do you mean he’s kind?? He’s jealous, slut shaming, misogynistic, hypocritical, I could go on. Buy a great new vibrator and set yourself free from the anxiety of minimising red flags

Grim. He sounds like a delight!

Urgh, he is a sexist, misogynistic POS. Leave. Why do you want to be with someone that views you (and more widely women it seems) like this?!

He never dated one of his own because they wouldn't tolerate him saying shite like that nd kept him and he knows that.

He has also said some weird things about how he can't believe how "tight" I am, despite having given birth. And some other really personal stuff about my vulva and how it looks.

This is utterly grim and would have turned me off forever.

Actually having now read all your posts OP I take it back, he’s just a nasty sexist who probably meant what he said given the other unpleasant comments.

I think language barriers definitely sometimes cause misunderstandings, but asking for clarification can give the person the opportunity to backtrack. I have a Brazilian ex (apparently Brazil has strong ties to Italy and a couple of PPs have mentioned Italian culture) who I gave the benefit of the doubt many times due to the language barrier and him “explaining himself” every time I reacted badly to something he said. E.g. he told me to send a photo right now of me and a friend, I made it very clear I thought that was possessive and he didn’t trust me, he said it was just so he could see what the friend looked like in case he met them in the future 🙄. It turned out that he actually couldn’t speak English well enough for me to realise he was a massive dick, not the other way around

I don’t blame you for being upset by this. It’s a mean thing to say and completely unnecessary.

He has told me he can be jealous and became quite petulant when I was seeing a friend from uni who is male.

Nope nope nope. That is only going to go one way.

I would be very wary about getting into a more serious involvement with him. I mean, I would hightail it, but I think you should be very very wary.

🤔

This sounds like a superficial relationship to me, based on sex and socialising. Where is the deeper compatability that one needs from a meaningful relationship? It doesn't sound like you share fundamental values at all. That's fine if, as previous posters have said, you just want a FWB or fuck buddy. But it's not the basis for a lasting relationship, at least not a happy one.

It’s annoyed you because you know it implies he thought badly of you for having sex with him. That it made him devalue you. And that it’s hypocritical because he had sex with you at the same time but doesn’t see that in the same way (so he’s sexist).

No it is not - it is his third language. It is passable, but not great. Nuance is definitely lost, I can't do puns or word-play with him at all.
I feel like a massive hypocrite as I can't speak either of the two languages he speaks at all 😶

I do wonder sometimes though what it would be like to have a conversation with a completely bi-lingual translator. As stuff definitely gets lost in translation.