I split up with my partner before Christmas after an incident where he came home drunk and was verbally abusive to me, woke our daughter up and she witnessed some of it too. I posted about it (https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5461730-handhold-needed-unhealthy-relationship-ended-a-week-before-christmas?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=share)
After the incident he went down to London to stay at his mum’s. He booked a therapy session. He returned 4 days later having been diagnosed with ADHD and had started taking medication.
At first he was very apologetic and said he took responsibility and that the medication had changed him. He said he would work hard to change and didn’t want the relationship to end. I kept saying that wouldn’t be possible but he was on best behaviour. He continued to sleep downstairs and we had a ‘normal’ Christmas.
He has said he admits he has been verbally abusive and toxic in our relationship and these were because of his anger meltdowns because of his ADHD. He says he never meant to control me or hurt me, he had no control over it. I told him at the weekend there’s no chance we would get back together and we need to concentrate on making sure our daughter is ok and being the best co-parents we can be. He’s now started to slip back again and has now said he can’t accept my decision is the right one until I accept he didn’t do it on purpose and he wasn’t being controlling.
He has also sprung on me that he plans to move down to London with his mum until possibly May when the new renters agreement comes into place and that he’ll come up here (midlands city) Sunday - Wednesday to have our daughter at my house. He says the places to rent here are too expensive. He takes home £2100 a week and has about 40/50k in savings. He has said I can’t expect him to use his savings and it’s unfair. I own my house outright in my name but earn half what he does. I regrettably got so angry when he told me his plan (which wasn’t the agreed day/time we’d set aside to talk through the separation plan) and accused him of abandoning our daughter and it would upset her even more if not only does he move out but to another city. I said he just needs to budget and get by as that’s what I’ll be doing. He suggested that we do 50/50 so he doesn’t have to pay anything to me.
He keeps trying to tell me what his therapist says or why he’s been upstairs crying and I’ve told him no I don’t need to know anymore. I feel like he’s trying to get me to change my mind. Looking back on it, I can see he’s been highly manipulative at times but he won’t accept it. He says he’s worried I’m going to make co-parenting difficult.
He fainted last night and took himself to a&e, they’ve said they don’t think it was the ADHD medication but stress. He said that when he came to I had a look of contempt at him and I hate him and don’t care. To be honest, I thought he had just fallen and was being a bit over dramatic. It was in the bathroom whilst our daughter was in the bath so I was also trying to keep calm so she wouldn’t freak out. I was the one who suggested he call 111! Now he’s saying that this behaviour is abusive on my part.
My head is spinning and I’m stuck in this tiny house with him. I’ve told friends now and they’re being supportive but I don’t know if I’m just not seeing things properly.
Any advice - do I need to seek legal advice? Should we get a mediator for the parenting plan? Do I just agree to him going down to London for a while?