I cant cope with this life anymore

[Neverends1]

How do others cope when power balance exists in your relationship? Im educated but not in a high paying job. Im from a family with little money and had a basic upbringing.

DP is the opposite and Is from a family with money. He has hundreds of thousands in savings and I get by but have debt from my car loan etc. He pays the rent and I pay the bills. The rent is more expensive but for context, his hourly wage is 4x what mine is. I work a lot more hours than him. Yet he refuses to help with anything in the house.

The issue is that he is very belittling. I literally can not ask him to help with anything im the house. If I do, he reminds me that he pays the rent. I am constantly told 'it's not your house' or 'i have more qualifications than you. I did not get into a relationship with someone 18 years younger for you to tell me what to do'. Today I am wfh at my desk in the bedroom. Each day he kicks me out of there so he can do 1 hour of work. Which means packing up all my things and then going back an hour later. He could work anywhere but refuses, stating 'it is my house. You go and get your own house'. He has this overwhelming power over me and I feel like im drowning in life. I am constantly on eggshells and I literally jump and get palpitations everytime he enters a room. I am constantly being put in my place and reminded I am lesser than him. He will spend his day in bed and refuses to help on the basis he has a better job than me.

You leave and don’t worry about the children ( post exams if you can )

Life is too short OP, figure out what you need to do to leave. Yes he will shower the kids with money but he won’t give them time or love, it might be hard to begin with but you will win out in the end. They will know you love them for who they are not what they own.

Well he wont shower them with money. He's happy to spend his money on nights out drinking. However wont spend any money on taking the children out. He says its too expensive! He doesnt own anything in our house apart from all his x boxes and PlayStation. I bought everything.

I agree with PP, marry him and take half of it all. What a cunt.

In that case OP, I’d be carefully lining up a new flat, then when he’s out one day, arrange a removal van strip the joint, leave his PlayStation in the middle of the lounge floor and no forwarding address. Deal with childcare via a dedicated app. Block him on everything else! Oh and put in a CMS claim asap once you’re out.

Fuck that shit. Sounds like absolute torture, OP. Please please consider leaving.

Just leave. You will be better in rented accommodation on your own claiming UC!

This is no life. It’s torturous.

Kindly OP and I’m sorry if this is harsh but why are you allowing a man to treat you like this? And more importantly why are you allowing this to be the role model for future relationships for your children? Do you want your daughter’s future partner to treat her like this and her think it’s ok because it’s all she’s ever seen from her mum and dad? Do you want your Son to treat his wife like this because that’s how “men” treat their partners? Because they will. The damage this will do to your children is huge. You must leave, you
must show your children you will not allow someone to treat you like this and no one should ever treat them like this. You are in an abusive relationship and I’m sorry but your children are being emotionally abused by being witness to it.

Fucking bastard. Honestly, just get out of there as soon as you can.

'I did not get into a relationship with someone 18 years younger for you to tell me what to do'.

This is everything. He sought out a much younger partner so he could control you, ignore your needs, bulldoze you and use you as an accessory for his life. You aren't a person or a partner to him and he never wanted you to be. He weaponised the age difference, he weaponises money, he weaponises the house and he weaponises the children. It's not a relationship, it's war, and he was only ever going to choose an adversary he was sure he could crush.

I'm wondering why rent if he has thousands in savings. Please find a way to leave.

Only we women can stop this DA. He is not going to change. Sadly, so sadly women are being abused in their own homes, behind closed doors, in front of their DC.

It is wrong, your purpose in life isn’t to be subject to this monster. But only you can end this. We all know it is not easy to leave.

I thought about my life and how willing I would be to pick up and just
walk away from everything, especially considering the upheaval for your children. But this is not a happy household, is it?

Look at your DCs school friends, do they look as if they come from families like yours?

Take charge of your life. Leave and
create a better life for you and your children.

This is not a relationship it’s a dictatorship.

my husband out earns me by far but all our money is pooled together as family money because that’s what we are. A team and a family. There is no point in one of us succeeding a living a certain way if the other can’t.

Theres so much more out there in life for you. Leave.

You need to leave for your own mental health. So sad to read but you cannot continue living like this 😔

I am really sorry that you find yourself in this position OP . You are in an abusive relationship and for your own mental health and the safety of your children , you need to make plans to leave .

It is all about control
/ power for your “DP “. He may well seek to manipulate the children / go for 50/50 childcare .

One option would be for you to move nearer your family after the exams . Your children may not be happy to move away from friends / change schools , so also consider renting locally as well to keep your children in the same school .

I also think that he will use money to try and buy favour with his kids . I think older children can be influenced by getting new clothes / devices etc , however they also do realise who is there for them .

Make 2026 the year that you put you and your children first . Plan for your new life . It won’t be easy , but nothing can be worse than staying with this despicable man long term as he is eroding you bit by bit .

I don’t think it is likely that he would marry you , as he will know full well that this will cost him more . There is nothing you can do about that , but see it as a blessing as you can make a clean break from him . Good luck x

It might feel impossible but you can leave him. You're already doing everything for your children, he's only contributing abuse. You are much younger than him, you're kind and hardworking. You can do this and show your DC what a happy and healthy life looks like.

This is so sad to read, and I feel anger for you

please leave, as said he is abusing you and financially also as he’s not contributing

for his children either! It must be horrendous for you living on eggshells with this nasty man he’s vile

You work and basically run the house yourself
apart from rent, you need to find that rental expense only
look on rightmove for houses to rent in the area near your children schools
this will give you an idea how monthly costs you need to live off and if it’s do able
Go on Turn2us website, input the details (it’s just reference only) this will tell you if your entitled to universal credit

Dont forget he will have to pay child maintenance for the children
you only pay 1 council tax - yourself

please look now on rightmove & Turn2us sites
Do it fir you & your children get away from him
He won’t want the children it’s a threat he’s too fucking lazy to run after,clean & cook for children

over the years he’s stripped you if your self esteem and confidence
If this was your daughter telling you this story
im sure you wouldn’t say it was ok and to stay

I have to agree with this. I hope you can find some support and leave.

Am sorry OP, it's time to get your ducks in a row to get out of this unhealthy and unkind relationship. He doesn't show you an ounce of respect, there is no love. I wish you well in the future, but honestly, you're just set up for a lifetime of misery with this man.

There is nothing to say he will get the children, even if he says he will.

Oh my god, i fucking despise this man.

There IS a way out of this, you DONT have to live like this. Just imagine the freedom. It’s really out there OP, you just need to take those few steps towards it and you will see your confidence grow.

You CAN absolutely do this.

As something further to add, OP... these men don't treat their children any better, especially their daughters. You're all accessories and appliances to him.

Absolutely no point in giving a 'chance to improve'. This is the kind of asshole personality that lives for belittling. It probably literally is the thing that improves his day! Because let's be honest, could You behave in such a way? I certainly know I couldn't.
Also, she literally said that she has palpitations and walks on eggshells constantly. Of course she doesn't feel emotionally safe. The guy is an irredeemable prick. He probably fucks everyone over at work to get ahead, too, being such a successful go-getter on four times everyone else's salary. It all kind of fits with the rest of his character.
OP, you're worth more than this. This is not about you. You were just a bit unlucky there. There should be no second chances.

Make a plan. Leave him and take the kids.

Tell him to marry you and give him an ultimatum and divorce after a couple of years.

God he’s vile. Leave. And get better qualified yourself. But don’t look back at him. What a creep