If your Christmas gifts from DH upset you, would you say something or not?

[Moreshowergel]

We opened the gifts in a big family group as we had lots of family over.
He got me 4 lots of shower gel. 2 were basically the same. One did come in a box with a tiny scented candle. It just felt like he went to the l'occitane shop, scooped some shower gel off the shelves and thought "job done". I do like their shower gel but I actually have several in the bathroom already.

I guess I took lots of time choosing his gifts and it's just made me feel a bit of an afterthought

We've been together 10 years. I know he was busy in the runup.

He's asked me why I am quiet and I feel like it's unfair and petty to say something but equally it has left me feeling a bit shit and maybe its better to say ?

I agree it's thoughtless, and I imagine a bit weird as I guess the first one "oh nice shower gel" and by the 4th you must have been bored and annoyed of them!
I'd have a quiet word "I've just put the presents away and I've now got 6 loccitane shower gels in the bathroom, I just wondered if you'd thought much about my gifts this year as I was quite after those books and now I've just tons of shower gel?"
See what he says, don't let " I was busy" be a cop out, all women are busy, most children aren't all getting shower gel worldwide are they!!!
This year dh and I took a day off, booked a fancy lunch and did joint shopping for our Christmas gifts, we got bits for the kids but mainly focussed on ourselves and bought for each other (e.g. we went to some fancy shops trying on coats I wanted and we went to the outdoor shops for the ski coat he wanted). It was really fun, we spent the whole day together and felt v bonded afterwards, super relaxing and stress free and we both got what we wanted.

The fact there was a list and he couldn't even buy off that just screams weaponised incompetence. Does he hold down a job where he functions as part of a company/ service? If yes, then he is capable of buying gifts from a list and putting more thought into it. It's not like Christmas changes day or doesn't have a massively long build up!

It's absolutely ridiculous and I would be devastated. The bar is so ridiculously low.
I would have a serious talk with him and tell him that he needs to buy off the list and if he wants to deviate, he can't just go and grab the same items in the same shop, it reeks of laziness.

I genuinely can't believe some people saying it doesn't matter and the 'small acts' each day matter... both can matter. My partner does both as he cares for me, I do the same for him. Christmas is a big event for some families, it is for ours. Life is miserable enough so we relish the festivities we have and use it as an opportunity to treat those we love, doesn't even need to be expensive but it needs to have thought. He is capable of thought, if he can function generally, he is choosing not to prioritise it. It is so unfair OP, I am sorry.

We set a price limit (£100) and give each other hints for little presents, and buy the big gifts together. Suggest this. We also don't mind getting stuff from Vinted which makes it really fun.

I would be upset. He bought you your regular toiletries. That's like a lot of us (with less money) receiving some tubes of toothpaste.

It is thoughtless. How are things between you in general right now? Is he stressed, distracted etc?

I'd talk to him about it. Try to bring the focus away from the crap gift he did buy (he will be embarrassed and defensive - you will get nowhere) and ask why he didn't buy you something you wanted.

I agree

Did you reply to the wrong message here? Sounds like this poster is agreeing with you!

Yes, I've already said that and apologised.

That’s really unthoughtful of him I’m not surprised you are feeling upset.

my partner is usually a thoughtful buyer of gifts. I got lovely presents and stocking fillers (we do stockings) last year. Then for my birthday he really upset me by buying an electrical item I did not want and a gift card, and a really terrible card. I got really upset and told him so.

He didn’t like me telling him so so decided this Christmas he wasn’t doing presents so I got nothing. He bought for the pets though the only gifts he bought for anyone. I’m still trying to process it all as well as we are going through a bad patch as I don’t really understand any of it.

as for the people buying presents for partner to wrap don’t lower yourself to that. Once I realised I’d get nothing OP I bought myself presents from the pets and wrapped them and gave them to myself. My partner was definitely not getting the credit.

That sucks. Definitely talk with him. After years of tat I now send an email to DH in September with links of things I would like. By the time Christmas comes I’ve forgotten what is on there so I’m nicely surprised, not disappointed and there’s less waste.

Its totally rubbish he didn’t even follow your list!

This is horrible, what a manchild

You need to tell him.

‘I’m upset that you seem to have given so little thought as to what to give me. I gave you a list of books and you didn’t choose even one. Instead you bought several shower gels, when I’ve already got plenty. I put some time and careful thought into buying your gifts, and it seems that you did neither.’

I would be upset to receive those as there is obviously no thought involved. But then I would be more direct and probably come out with something like ‘Oi, what’s this? A job lot?’ Said with a bit of humour but making a point.
You need to say something otherwise the pattern will continue.

Was totally confused by OP’s reply to this assume it’s been edited

I gave a list of things that were things I didn’t have and affordable. Easy to pick up. Haven’t said anything. Received walking socks (no use to me) and a cardigan I never asked for. All I wanted was a something from lush. Preferably a nice gift set from there. Fluffy bed time socks. Kylie Jenner hair perfume. Something personalised with all the kids on it. I haven’t shared my disappointment. I wouldn’t share it either.

Sounds like he’s on his way out with such changes in behaviour. Maybe another woman?

That’s awful, these men doing this DGAS do they or they wouldn’t do this.

That needed to be said in the original post really OP. Of course it’s absolutely dreadful that he didn’t get 1 thing from your list!

Funny how men can buy jewellery, perfume, other thoughtful gifts but once they ensnare their ‘partner’ they become utterly lazy and useless and put zero effort in. Been there, got the t-shirt. F-wits

I guess I wouldn't have minded getting nothing off the list, I just would have loved some thought and care to have gone into the gift choosing.

Ive started buying my own presents. Tbf so does he! We both dont need anything and are gard to buy for. HhOn a plus point my DD is very astute at buying presents. She knows me well and I love buying for her as i know what she likes and she is grateful and polite about her gifts. That is good for a teenager.

It depends. In this case yes. If my husband had bought me expensive jewellery that was tasteless probably not at least he would have made an effort but when my ex husband bought me a plastic child's bangle from the pound shop definitely yes.
I gave him shit. Totally disrespectful.
No doubt so.eone will be along to call me grabby for not accepting the plastic shit gratefully.

I agree - I would be very pleased with L'Occitane products. I think he has been thoughtful as he has bought a brand that you use.

As a side note, what were the books? I love forensic books.... thanks!

I would defo ask if you were an afterthought. My husband once bought me a Pandora charm that he knew I already had and I told him it upset me because I already had it so felt no thought went into it. His reasonings I understood once he explained… it was a little boy charm… and we had our second boy that year so it was a second boy charm. After speaking to him about it, I felt a weight was lifted as he had actually put thought into it.

I wasn’t ungrateful by any means, it was more deeper than I was overthinking I wasn’t worth the thought but I felt reassured although still abit disappointed I had 2 of the same charm haha.

KoalaBlue1

I am lost for words . I think my family would be too .