If your Christmas gifts from DH upset you, would you say something or not?

[Moreshowergel]

We opened the gifts in a big family group as we had lots of family over.
He got me 4 lots of shower gel. 2 were basically the same. One did come in a box with a tiny scented candle. It just felt like he went to the l'occitane shop, scooped some shower gel off the shelves and thought "job done". I do like their shower gel but I actually have several in the bathroom already.

I guess I took lots of time choosing his gifts and it's just made me feel a bit of an afterthought

We've been together 10 years. I know he was busy in the runup.

He's asked me why I am quiet and I feel like it's unfair and petty to say something but equally it has left me feeling a bit shit and maybe its better to say ?

the one year dh got me really naff gifts I had a conversation about it, told him he puts thought into kids presents so he is fully capable and needs to up his game. It isn’t the money… happy with Aldi chocolates and he knows which ones! Tbf he has done better since and there is at least one thoughtful gift

dont let this go op, as he needs to know, it doesn’t need to be an argument and if he gets defensive then imo it’s because he knows he’s in the wrong… and it’s ok to point this out too

Yes, you should tell him that his thoughtlessness upsets you.

Tell him. Even though you have been together 10 years you still need to guide him and keep him right. I in all honestly would be disappointed with several shower gel gift sets no matter how expensive they are.

Giving and receiving gifts is an important expression of love and attunement. It wasn’t part of my upbringing at all so I was late to the party but now I enjoy taking time and choosing things for loved ones. I think it’s important to chat about it if you are disappointed (and of course that’s a reasonable feeling). My husband bought me a cookbook and a candle one year and I teased him gently about generic gifts for the every woman - since then things have really improved!

Some women have such a low bar , it’s quite depressing!

Your husband should know what you like , what your interests are and should have the desire to make you happy by spending an hour of his time shopping for some gifts!

i honestly find the whole ‘ i buy myself gifts and tell him to wrap them’ so ridiculous, fair enough to send a link to something or drop a few hints but if your husband cant be arsed to go online or go to a shop to get you a gift then i see it as a real problem, no one is that busy - its just rude thoughtless behaviour.

what if the OP was a bit less fancy in her choice of toiletries - would it be okay to get four bottles of dove shower gel just because its whats in the bathroom ?!

I would definitely say something and remember when you are giving feedback its important to explain the problem and the impact - this gift giving makes me feel worthless and like you don’t know me and that is very upsetting!

I would just tell him that you know he didn't mean to be thoughtless or make you feel like an afterthought but that multiple bottles of bath products show no thought or care about what you would like!
You need to say it now. Don't leave it or you will get thoughtless present forever.
Buying something someone actually wants doesn't need to be expensive....you just need to put a bit more effort in.
So if you don't address it - don't complain.

If you both made lists, then you're right to be upset. Tell him!
Ask why he ignored your list?

Maybe not necessarily tell him directly but allow him the chance to put it right, we went shopping today and I went to buy the coat I had tried on, in front of my partner, before Christmas, but didn’t buy. When he asked why I didn’t get it at the time back in November, with the cold weather coming in I replied, I didn’t want to take any Christmas ideas away from you. He then offered to buy said coat & suggested returning other unopened items from Christmas which he had purely brought because he wasn’t sure what else to buy. I agreed and so far we have all lived happily ever after!

Emotions are emotions. I am allowed to feel them. This isn't a question about that . It's about the best way to approach this issue in a relationship. I would want to know if I was getting gifts for DH wrong as I care about him and also don't want to waste money.

This is the relationships thread not AIBU. If you want to go and kick someone to make yourself feel better then I recommend you head there.

how long will his stay in hospital be?

How far up.his backside did you manage to ram it?

I think you ask him if he liked his gifts.
when he says yes, tell him you stuck to his list and next year you would like him to do the same as the shower gels were ok, but it left you feeling like you needs were not met.

I think if you gave your DH specific gifts and he didn’t get anything from the list, you should actually have a chat with and ask why he didn’t shop from the list. (Regarding the multiple L’occtiane shower gels, in his ‘defence’, our local store ran out of a lot of stock just before Christmas and had it was random what was left, e.g a shower gel but no body lotion in the same collection, or a hand cream but no matching products).

Also, I wouldn’t exchange gifts with my DH in front of family, I think that’s for more private moments and only creates opportunities for awkward moments.

Yeah in future years we will do Xmas separately but this year I was working right up till Xmas eve (he had a week off beforehand)

OP, did you quote the wrong post here? Because your reply seems completely incongruous with the rather supportive post!

Yeah I did, sorry @MummaMummaMumma

I think the post I meant to quote has been deleted

I see what you mean now. Yes it does seem odd and lazy.
Ask him why he didn't get anything from your list.
It's hard when you've made an effort and he hasn't matched that.

I would agree telling him. You gave him a list he could have surely got you at least one item off the list.

I would ask him. Dp asked what I wanted so I sent him about 20 items ranging from £10-£45 and he ordered from there. It was still a surprise as I didn't know what I would be getting. My surprise that I did not request in my list was the first 4 books in a series he thought I may like , based on forensic anthropology which I'm fascinated by! So he did go the extra mile! Oh and the other surprise was 4 terrys chocolate oranges in different flavours- I'm on WLI!!! lol good job I have self control 🤣

Seriously though, approach him. Tell him you are disappointed and would he be willing to get you the books now in the sales?

Yeah, deffo tell him. It's one thing being a bit pants about buying presents, it's another entirely to not get you what you'd like when you gave him a list.

Busy or not, it would've taken 15 mins to track down some of the books from Amazon, it really is min effort so being busy in the run up to Xmas isn't an excuse - it's also not like 25th Dec pops out of nowhere.

Hopefully sideways....

I think I'd go for the 'im a bit upset you think I stink 'approach. Why did you get me so many shower gels, is it a hint?! Type of thing.

Then remind him that he's give you a complex a little bit when he wants some romance.

Hi Op Sorry you are upset by this Can you reframe this in any way so you feel better? Does your DH have other amazing skills or positive attributions you can focus on?! DH and I dont really do gifts now its not his thing and there is very little I really want. But once I received High Street Earrings bought in an Airport for a major anniversary and I did hit the roof, I think I said what is it my Prom! Fortunately I passed them onto a friend for her Niece!