If your Christmas gifts from DH upset you, would you say something or not?

[Moreshowergel]

We opened the gifts in a big family group as we had lots of family over.
He got me 4 lots of shower gel. 2 were basically the same. One did come in a box with a tiny scented candle. It just felt like he went to the l'occitane shop, scooped some shower gel off the shelves and thought "job done". I do like their shower gel but I actually have several in the bathroom already.

I guess I took lots of time choosing his gifts and it's just made me feel a bit of an afterthought

We've been together 10 years. I know he was busy in the runup.

He's asked me why I am quiet and I feel like it's unfair and petty to say something but equally it has left me feeling a bit shit and maybe its better to say ?

@SassiestPants

Surely lazy and thoughtless is the definition of a bad man?

Oh, think I’m in the minority here but I’d be pleased with L’occitane products. You said in your post he’d been busy in the run up I think. Sooo much pressure on present buying …. Personally I would not be saying anything to him

I like l'occitane. But multiple shower gels? When I already have two the same on the bathroom shelf (to me they are just a normal staple). Its partly the buying multiple or the same thing. It just felt weird and thoughtless

Why wouldn’t you tell him though?

Just use the money you will save not buying shower gel, and buy some books.

I think you should definitely ask him why he chose to totally ignore your list. Tell him that was disappointing. Otherwise, he will never learn and will think it is acceptable to behave like this.

I don't know. I guess I am worried about upsetting him. Worried it's ungrateful. Worried he will be hurt.

I would be annoyed with shower gels. Especially you opening in a big group that’s even worse !

Tell him you're not opening a L'Occitane museum any time soon so you'll be needing the receipt. I had similar last year, only Body Shop, and politely as I could manage considering I'd specified nothing from the Body Shop please, I asked for the receipt. When he couldn't find it I told him I was donating it all. It was upsetting because we're really short of money. This year he listened, which was lovely

I mean you are upset and hurt - are your feelings not important?

Use your words! Has he not mentioned the book you asked for?

I think this isn't a big deal, you just need to say look darling, I'd like a more exciting present than shower gels that I buy for myself anyway. His choice of present isn't reasonable or unreasonable so you don't need to get into that - it just doesn't work for you.

You probably need to tell him what you want, some people just aren't good at presents. It sounds like you did, so he needs to be told not to go off piste.

Sulking (aka being quiet) is really unattractive and childish and a poor way to manage a relationship, so do get it sorted so you can move on from that.

This is shit

Shower gels? That’s just insulting, thoughtless and lazy.

I’d absolutely tell him. It’s one of 3 days a year (I’m including birthdays and anniversaries) where you can expect a gift or gifts that have been chosen with care and love and appreciation of all you mean to him.

Don’t be ridiculous. It’s supposed to be about the thought that counts. Zero thought went into this. Zero. Going to a nice shop that you know is safe and then randomly buying ‘stuff’ which is what several of the same thing suggests he did is not a great gift with thought.

I have a list and get 3-4 things off the list. We’ve done this for 20+ years.

I see your list was ignored - what a complete dick. I would ask he to take the shower gel back and buy me what I asked for.

What's peri got to do with it?? FGS stop with this peri garbage

I would be delighted with an expensive shower gel like L'Occitane because I would never spend that much myself on a shower gel.

you have been together 10 years, either this is the first year hes done this, or hes been doing it for 10 years yet you havent said anything

so what if he is hurt, 4 fucking shower gels is a joke, even my newish BF done better than that

Did you post on the wrong thread?

But I do. It's just my normal shower gel. We aren't short of money

I think just be honest. Tell him your gifts felt like they were a rushed choice and a bit impersonal, given that he had a list of things you said you would like. It’s sometimes more about the sentiment than the actual gift and buying one book off your list for no where near the price of what he spent would have held more gravity, as it would have shown he was considering you and your feelings. That shows more love than what he actually did.

I would also ask why he wrapped them all individually as they were all very similar, perhaps he knew it was actually quite a rubbish present and wanted to try and make it look better, I think in fact it probably drew more attention to it than if he’d wrapped it all together.

So I quite like shower gel as a Christmas gift. I don’t even want the fancy stuff. I just want my everyday shower gel. I would also like several bottles (not in gift sets because I don’t want the waste or the other bits usually in a gift set). For me, it means I don’t need to keep track of buying shower gel throughout the year. DH does most food shops anyway and picks my shower gel up there but a few months of making sure I don’t have to keep track is a great gift for me!

You both did lists and you followed his but he didn’t follow yours. So the first thing will be to ask why he didn’t follow your list, then why he bought so many bottles for you. You need to say it didn’t feel special to you. We have the chat about October if there is something specific we want or if we want surprises. So this year we both wanted quite specific things and we sent links to the other one. Some years one of us has wanted surprises and one has wanted specific things. Some years we’ve both wanted surprises or just decided not to bother or focus on an experience instead.

Tell him straight it only gets worse - I ended up with tampax and cotton buds one year! It’s appalling how many woman put up with this nonsense - they literally have one gift to get YOURS while we run around and sort everyone else’s. And no I don’t count buying it yourself - that is zero effort and energy on their part. If they can’t get it right when you tell them it dies not bode well. Hope he learns and gets you something fabulous next year!

@ismiledather

I don't really think so in this case - he just doesn't feel the same way about gifting as I do, or once did. He doesn't consider it very important and is not a material person at all, prefers not to receive gifts unless they are absolutely practical. Buys himself only what he needs etc, so I think it comes from a place of just not quite understanding that being a bit shit at gift giving, can make the recipient feel like an afterthought.

He shows me love and care in other ways, which is why I have chosen to never allow it to upset me. The waste annoys me. Especially when I specify exactly what I want and that only.