Does this mean he isn’t interested really? Is it the case here?

[Stailingtoegypt]

I got chatting to an old friend a couple of weeks ago. Seemed to be quite extensive and enjoyed speaking over an app so suggested meeting up for a drink

He said that sounded good, when would I be available? I said my evenings are quite flexible, and he suggested meeting up in the new years, the 12th onwards?

He isn’t that interested is he? He works for an airline but he’s said previously he has regular shifts of 9-5. We live about 35 mins from each other

He doesn’t have children so nothing there to consider, for context

I am quite excited to see him and felt a bit deflated when he suggested sometime weeks away

Sorry, I meant as in when he messages again in general. I won’t reach out to him - only time I did that was the initial getting in contact. Every conversation since was started by him

I would dial down the flirting because some men just do like stringing women along or engaging in what they see as harmless flirting but aren’t that bothered in meeting up. I’d just text back neutrally and see if he mentions fixing a date

There have been two similar threads to this recently. Are these you, OP?

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5462787-is-very-slow-replies-normal-or-a-sign-of-disinterest
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5463924-very-slow-replies-is-he-interested

They read very similar to you, and if they are, then I'm not really sure what more you want people to add. It's clear that you've got a very intense fixation on this guy, maybe even unhealthily so. I'd kindly suggest that perhaps you spend more time on figuring out why that is before you change names and start another thread about the same guy.

And this one - all very similar wording

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5464710-why-did-he-like-then-unlike-my-post?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share

Ah, I feel for you. I often wonder why men play cat and mouse with us. I usually have no trouble meeting and going on dates but there is one guy that texts me regularly but we’ve still never met. I always wonder about him.

My only advice to you is:

• Step back
• Stay friendly
• Let him come to you

What is the correct thing to do now?

Block him. Block him everywhere. Block him on text, WhatsApp, your main phone, Facebook, Instagram - everywhere.

He is toying with your affections (not interested but getting an ego boost out of stringing you along) - he is probably stringing a few lady friends along.

All the flirting / compliments / messaging first ...... doesn't mean jack shit if the man is not making concrete plans to ask you out, arrange dates, seeing you in person.

ANSWER:
● Block him - stop giving him access

He's doing your head in. Block him and put an end to this mind f*ck ..... then you won't have to start yet another thread about it on Mumsnet.

I disagree with this advice because by stepping back (leaving it to him to make contact) but leaving him as a contact on your phone keeps you in the infinity loop:

● the infinity loop of wondering will he / won't he make contact again ????

● if he makes contact again but it's just more flirting / stringing you along / getting more ego boost for himself..... you are also still stuck in the infinity loop.

Stop playing "nice". Don't be the meek and mild "good girl" willing to be a wallflower waiting willingly in the background for his next crumb of attention.

Cut off his access !!!

Block the barstd stupid man !!!!

Get him out of your head and look for a decent man who will chase you / want you / run over hot coals to be with you / set dates and stick to them / turn up to dates / be consistent in his attention / want to get things "locked down" with you (in a steady dating situation).

Find half the made up excuses as to why he would wait till the 12th. I assume you don't have a full social diary then like a lot do right over Christmas and new year thus making the 12th very very close tbh

He must be very flattered to have all this attention from you @Stailingtoegypt .
The sexy chat and the idea you might shag him.

He's playing games and you should step right back.

You're over invested. Not sure why you define yourself by your 'attachment styles'.

I'd suggest kindly that you stop labelling yourself and using these terms, and just face the reality.

When women chase men or appear too available, it rarely ends well.
Men like to chase and feel they have to make an effort.
Might sound old fashioned, but believe me, it's how it is.

Stop this texting (I don't think you've even had a conversation- just texts ?) and move on. The honest truth is he may not find you 'his type' in many ways, but he's happy with the ego boost he's getting.

And if you are the same poster as people are suggesting, the advice is the same.

So he has set a date for 9th, and replied to my joke about him being ever so popular not to be free until then, winked and said he had to build suspense

He picked the place and the venue for this drink too

So I am going to go along and if he cancels, that’ll be it. But for now, we haven’t seen each other in a long time so maybe this is enough for now because of that, and the truth will reveal it’s about if he’s actually interested after actually going out together at least

One of my friend’s said he hasn’t got any reason to be that invested right now as you haven’t met up together romantically

You are letting this guy rent so much space in your head and hes not even adding any value.
What on earth would you be like if you were actually dating?!
You need to invest in yourself not this man or any other first

Good grief! This is exhausting!! 🤯

Is this the man you'd not seen for 6 years and posted about twice before?

I don't think any man would refuse sex handed on a plate but his behaviour so far isn't exactly admirable. More sexy banter and playing with you like a fish on a hook.

Just be direct.
Don't over analyse
He will either say yes or no

Think this is thread 4 - but she’s determined to ignore all advice because as she’d said she wants sex with him so she’ll ignore every red flag going.

Expect a ‘humped and dumped’ thread in a few weeks

OP, this is the second thread you’ve started about this that I’ve read. On your first thread (where peiole kept suggesting he was married) I asked whether you even knew whether he was single and interested in a relationship, or whether he probably just viewed this as a quick drink with an old friend from way back. I don’t think you replied.

It just isn’t clear to me why you’re so over-invested in this. You haven’t seen him in years, so can’t know whether you’re attracted to him, you don’t know if he’s single, and you have no idea whether this in his eyes drink is a date or just a casual catch-up with someone he knew years ago. I would dial this way down in your head so that you don’t get a disappointment when you show up all dressed up to the nines while he’s in his gym gear and has brought along a couple of other old friends!

There are more diplomatic ways to reply, that was unkind