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Original poster

Is very slow replies normal or a sign of disinterest?

52 replies

Brownwithcameltotes · 20/12/2025 15:39

For context, we are 28 and 30.

Haven’t seen him in 6 years. Followed him on instagram. He followed back. I messaged him first

I am actually interested in going for a drink and having sex, if I’m honest. Wonder if I should message next with ‘Would you like to go for a drink? I’m passing your way soon for work’ (that’s true)

His response to do you remember me was ‘of course! How could I forget :)’

His replied see to always follow up with a question that would then require me to respond.

But it’s been 48 hours since I first messaged him the original message and there’s about 8 or 9 messages in the entire chat. But the ones that are from him (and me) aren’t dry so it’s confusing

I take it he isn’t interested as there’s a lot of ‘if he wanted to, he would’ nowadays which is probably true.

He takes between 30 mins and 12 hours to reply

OP posts:
Original poster
Brownwithcameltotes · 20/12/2025 15:40

Also… we’ve not been involved romantically before but I could tell we both fancied each other back then. I say this just to clarify that we’ve never crossed the line sexually before

OP posts:
333FionaG · 20/12/2025 15:41

Is he single?

Irotoyu · 20/12/2025 15:43

Yes it's a sign they aren't that interested.

Original poster
Brownwithcameltotes · 20/12/2025 15:43

I haven’t asked that as I didn’t feel the chat has progressed to a point where I could ask

But so far he hasn’t mentioned anyone. Just spoken about our jobs, where we live, etc

OP posts:
Original poster
Brownwithcameltotes · 20/12/2025 15:43

Irotoyu · 20/12/2025 15:43

Yes it's a sign they aren't that interested.

Thank you. Wanted opinions as sometimes from previous threads I’ve googled, people mentioned they don’t like messaging etc

OP posts:
sonjadog · 20/12/2025 15:48

On the other hand, if you have just started chatting on Instagram, how keen should he be? Isn’t this a normal level of communication for someone you don’t really know? It’s instagram, not a dating site. If you would like to meet to a drink, then do that.

Original poster
Brownwithcameltotes · 20/12/2025 15:50

sonjadog · 20/12/2025 15:48

On the other hand, if you have just started chatting on Instagram, how keen should he be? Isn’t this a normal level of communication for someone you don’t really know? It’s instagram, not a dating site. If you would like to meet to a drink, then do that.

Hmm, so you think the next time he does reply, it’s reasonable to ask him out for a drink? Might he not wonder why I’d be so keen only very limited messages?

I thought the general opinion is if they are interested, you’d know it. If you’re confused, they aren’t interested in you like that

OP posts:
Alexadidzammomarryjackie · 20/12/2025 15:52

I'm always the outlier on such threads, but getting multiple messages bores me shitless. Ask a proper question but don't waste my time with chit chat, noone needs a penpal. Maybe he also CBA with mundane to and froing.

sonjadog · 20/12/2025 15:56

You are assuming he is approaching this with the same perspective as yourself. You are looking at him as a prospective romantic interest. While to him, you are someone he knew years ago who has just contacted him again on Instagram (not a dating site). Now you are considering writing him off because he doesn’t have the same perspective to this as yourself do, on two days’ notice. Give him a chance to catch up before you write it off. Ask him for a drink.

Original poster
Brownwithcameltotes · 20/12/2025 16:09

Alexadidzammomarryjackie · 20/12/2025 15:52

I'm always the outlier on such threads, but getting multiple messages bores me shitless. Ask a proper question but don't waste my time with chit chat, noone needs a penpal. Maybe he also CBA with mundane to and froing.

I am the same! BUT not if it’s someone I could see myself getting with/remember fancying as it’s exciting

OP posts:
Original poster
Brownwithcameltotes · 20/12/2025 16:10

sonjadog · 20/12/2025 15:56

You are assuming he is approaching this with the same perspective as yourself. You are looking at him as a prospective romantic interest. While to him, you are someone he knew years ago who has just contacted him again on Instagram (not a dating site). Now you are considering writing him off because he doesn’t have the same perspective to this as yourself do, on two days’ notice. Give him a chance to catch up before you write it off. Ask him for a drink.

This is reasonable. I just thought if he was interested, even without knowing my intent, he would be more naturally intrigued at talking at this stage

Do you think it’s reasonable then to ask in my next message, do you want to get a drink? And how to word it

OP posts:
Endofyear · 20/12/2025 16:10

Maybe he's just someone who's not great at messaging? Ask him out for a drink, what's the worst that can happen? He can say no, or ignore the message and you'd be no worse off than you are now! And he might say yes ☺️

Original poster
Brownwithcameltotes · 20/12/2025 16:13

Endofyear · 20/12/2025 16:10

Maybe he's just someone who's not great at messaging? Ask him out for a drink, what's the worst that can happen? He can say no, or ignore the message and you'd be no worse off than you are now! And he might say yes ☺️

Quick question on this, with men in general, is there a way to get the message across that you don’t expect them to want a long term relationship, as maybe they’d be more likely to say yes if they knew I am happy for him to get laid?

Obviously you never truly know anyone, especially not after 6 or 7 years, but he was always so bloody nice and decent. Not a mean or rude bone is his body. And not a show off or a performer

Might also be worth mentioning he hasn’t posted any insta pics in 4.5 years

OP posts:
sonjadog · 20/12/2025 16:18

Just send a message saying: Fancy meeting up for a drink?

Catza · 20/12/2025 16:20

Golly. Ask him for a drink and you will soon find out!

Currently dating a guy. We are both working professionals. Some days we only manage 4-5 texts between us. Sometimes with 9-10h gap. It's normal. He is 100% keen even though some days it's just a three word reply to something I said 7 hours ago with no follow up question.
When we see each other, it's pretty damn obvious that we can't get enough of each other (early-stage dating, if you know what I mean).

But you only just started texting this guy and you haven't even expressed your intention. You are not romantically involved and never were. It clearly needs a bit of clarity around your own intentions before he has a chance to say one way or another.

FinallyHere · 20/12/2025 16:49

If you don’t feel comfortable asking him for a drink, try asking how he would feel about having a drink together sometime.

Original poster
Brownwithcameltotes · 20/12/2025 17:00

FinallyHere · 20/12/2025 16:49

If you don’t feel comfortable asking him for a drink, try asking how he would feel about having a drink together sometime.

Sorry, being silly here but what’s the difference really?

As if he does say yes, surely that’s then followed up with me asking when or suggesting times and dates

OP posts:
FinallyHere · 20/12/2025 17:11

Asking him for a drink invites a yes or no response, and you have initiated that conversation and he has replied.

Asking him how he would feel about it invited a wider range of responses.

If he is interested, and just wasn’t sure whether you were just being friendly, then I’d expect him to say I’d love to .. when works for your or does Friday work for you. He has effectively taken the initiative

He can deflect or make fine kind of joke if he isn’t interested, or isn’t free/available. Then you know, without having put yourself down far out there that he needed to say no thank you.

Apprdciate that might all feel the same to you … it feels quite different to me.

Original poster
Brownwithcameltotes · 20/12/2025 17:16

FinallyHere · 20/12/2025 17:11

Asking him for a drink invites a yes or no response, and you have initiated that conversation and he has replied.

Asking him how he would feel about it invited a wider range of responses.

If he is interested, and just wasn’t sure whether you were just being friendly, then I’d expect him to say I’d love to .. when works for your or does Friday work for you. He has effectively taken the initiative

He can deflect or make fine kind of joke if he isn’t interested, or isn’t free/available. Then you know, without having put yourself down far out there that he needed to say no thank you.

Apprdciate that might all feel the same to you … it feels quite different to me.

Ooo I see! Very clever, thank you.

So would you then expect him to take the initiative if it’s a yes, and say ‘how about this day at x time’? Or would that still be on me?

I like how it gives him an opportunity to deflect or make light if it’s a no :) as he was always very gentle and kind

Whereas ‘no’ then requires more… I can’t think of the word

OP posts:
BeNoisyFish · 20/12/2025 17:34

Would you even have good sex with someone who is luke warm towards you?
To your actual question I don't think he's that interested and potentially has someone in his life now.

Erin1975 · 20/12/2025 17:37

If all you have done is follow each other on Instagram and then exchange a couple of messages the guy has no clue you are romantically interested in him. Stop pissing around. If you want to meet him the tell him you are interested in a date and then judge his response times.

Endofyear · 20/12/2025 17:45

Brownwithcameltotes · 20/12/2025 16:13

Quick question on this, with men in general, is there a way to get the message across that you don’t expect them to want a long term relationship, as maybe they’d be more likely to say yes if they knew I am happy for him to get laid?

Obviously you never truly know anyone, especially not after 6 or 7 years, but he was always so bloody nice and decent. Not a mean or rude bone is his body. And not a show off or a performer

Might also be worth mentioning he hasn’t posted any insta pics in 4.5 years

Show quote history

You're overthinking it - asking someone to meet up for a drink doesn't imply that you're looking for a relationship, just that it would be nice to see him and have a catch up! He'll say yes if he wants to see you, or make an excuse if not. Just ask him!

Original poster
Brownwithcameltotes · 20/12/2025 18:02

I am worried he will think ‘how dare she have the audacity to ask me!’ Even though I know it isn’t true logically

OP posts:
BeNoisyFish · 20/12/2025 18:18

Audacity? You make him sound like he is superior to you?

conxray · 20/12/2025 18:23

But it’s been 48 hours since I first messaged him the original message and there’s about 8 or 9 messages in the entire chat. But the ones that are from him (and me) aren’t dry so it’s confusing

48 hours? That's not long at all. I think 9 messages in 48 hours is not bad at all for someone you haven't seen in 6 years and contacted via Instagram.
It's a few days before Christmas. It's the busiest time of the year for a lot of people. If someone I knew from my past contacted me right now I wouldn't have the time to be writing more than a handful of messages.

You are already thinking about going for a drink and having sex with him! He's probably thinking about all the things he has already planned for Christmas and "Oh, that's nice, Brownwithcameltotes has got back in touch".

You are overthinking this and your thinking is way ahead of the actual situation so you do need to dial it all back a bit.
Yes, I think you should ask him if he'd like to meet up for a drink but I'd maybe hang fire a bit until after Christmas. Don't leave it too long though because really you need an answer to this before this escalates any further in your head.
Just because you fancied him back then doesn't mean that you'll still fancy him now. His circumstances might have changed too. Do you even know if he is single or not?
I used to be bad in the past with overthinking things like this and getting way ahead of myself in my imaginings about people and what I'd like to do with them etc., and then the whole "Does he fancy me or not?" type stuff. Or overanalysing the content and frequency of messages or interactions in real life. So that's why my advice to you is to take a little bit of a step back but do ask him if he'd like to go for a drink after Christmas.