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Relationships

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Original poster

Update on guy at work who “flirts” with me but won’t ask me on a date

97 replies

milkyway512 · 14/12/2025 01:06

I’m 26 and he’s 25, and we work in the civil service in the uk. I am ASD, just for context. I’ve got a bit of a crush on this guy because he comes up to me and pays me attention; it started off as him being quite insulting and bullying me in a way - if you look at my previous post you will see some of the stuff he said, the worst was a joke about me committing suicide an everyone waiting for it. I told my line manager.

i know I said I’d take everything everyone said on board, and I did as I made a pledge not to entertain his bullying anymore but whenever he comes up to me and he does quite unexpectedly I feel elated afterwards, it’s a bit addictive…

we’ve started talking again and he’s being a lot nicer, except he does still call me teachery. He signed my birthday card to “his favourite PE teacher” because I used to wear a coat he thinks looks like a PE teacher’s coat, so we’ve got little inside jokes…
he came up to me twice recently and touched my arm twice on one occasion, holding the soft part of my arm for a couple of seconds each time. It was very weird but he’s not unattractive and it just makes me feel a rush to think of someone liking me.

but the bit I have questions about happened last week after i messaged him a thank you for signing my birthday card, like i did everyone who signed it. He then asked me a few days later, “did you get anything nice for your birthday” and banter went on from there which involved me calling myself a Jezebel when he joked I’m bad or something and he said “I love looking into their beautiful eyes” and then he said something about me having fangs and I said “im surprised you noticed them” and he said “I’m usually looking at other things” 😳then he said the bit about looking into their beautiful eyes, and then he said “my girlfriend gets annoyed when I look into her eyes… but what’s a young man to do?” He looks into my eyes a lot and makes very intense eye contact with me when he talks to me, and stands very close and makes a lot of big movements. His nostrils also flare a lot.

so was that his way of telling me he has an girlfriend, or was he referring to me as his girlfriend because he said he liked looking into jezebel’s eyes? I’m so confused and unsure whether he was flirting with me and is interested, or is having me on when he really has a girlfriend.

i was very shocked when he said the thing about looking in other places, as that’s the first time he’s made sexual innuendo to me. He doesn’t insult me anymore, just very light teasing

what do I do? How would you read this? Does he have a girlfriend?

also I’m the only person he really talks to at work. He’s very socially clumsy and I think might be asd too.

Thank you

OP posts:

BMW6 · 14/12/2025 01:47

He sounds like an absolute wanker with a girlfriend who knows you fancy him and is playing with you. Or he's just weird. Either way you ought to have nothing to do with him.

TheSlantedOwl · 14/12/2025 01:51

Yes he’s a nasty piece of work, he has a girlfriend, he knows he’s got you hooked and confused and is playing with you.

smallsilvercloud · 14/12/2025 01:51

He has a girlfriend and enjoys flirting/teasing you because you’re there. I think write this one off as romantic interest, it’s not going anywhere, if he was seriously interested he would have asked you out by now.
He used to insult you? why would you want him anyway.

Tryingatleast · 14/12/2025 02:01

The banter is kind of strange so technically he could be calling you his girlfriend as he could be thst awkward with conversation but I’d have assumed he’s letting you know he has a girlfriend. I’d find out for sure but if he has one run faster than you’ve ever run before and no more messages!!

Pryceosh1987 · 14/12/2025 02:09

Sounds like he fancies you but feels guilty, because he has a girlfriend.

RememberHowYouMadeMeCrazy · 14/12/2025 02:09

He sounds horrible and he is an attention seeker. Just stay away.

CamillaMcCauley · 14/12/2025 03:06

Just like in the last thread, everyone will tell you he sounds like a creep that you should stay well away from, and perhaps seek therapy to understand why you are so flattered by this grim behaviour.

PInkyStarfish · 14/12/2025 03:19

Both of you sound like you are very immature and he is also a creep.

Daytimenighttime · 14/12/2025 03:20

I would think he has a girlfriend but he is enjoying playing games with you.
Honestly OP he really does sound like a very nasty piece of work.
I really think you should try and keep your interactions with him on a professional level and not get sucked into anything personal with him.

DoreensLemonDrizzle · 14/12/2025 03:25

This man is not nice. Stop messaging him, keep everything strictly to do with work.

FunMum2019 · 14/12/2025 03:45

You sound quite vulnerable and he sounds like a bullying creep. Find someone who is nice to you and you can understand each other’s intentions.

Henbags · 14/12/2025 03:47

Is this a joke?

Bedhead1234 · 14/12/2025 03:57

It sounds like - he's a narcissist who is purposefully leading you on, he wants attention. He's pretending to like you but he wants you to like him to inflate his ego. He's trying to stirr up feelings. But he wants your engergy. Feels like an predator, no one should speak to you like that ( suicide) do not sleep with anyone who says something like that to you.

It also sounds like you need a better support network - don't fall for this. This isn't flattery, this isn't seduction, its not romance.

You are too good for this nonsense.

It also feels like ' much smaller than average P' behaviour. He would probably cry about his childhood after sex if you were to go there.

Itwasallyellow2 · 14/12/2025 04:21

Distance yourself from this man. He’s an unpleasant creep who is taking advantage of your vulnerability.

Develop your own social networks with friends and hobbies.

Bringemout · 14/12/2025 04:21

You had to complain to HR because he was bullying you? He enjoys messing with you, he’s entertaining himself. I understand you feel the way you feel but he’s basically giving you hits of dopamine, keeping you off kilter to keep you interested, bit like an abusive relationship. You are a game he’s playing. He’s a twat.

Look men tend to be quite direct, especially men like this wanker, if he wanted to ask you out he would have already done so. Maximum he wants out of you is sex basically. trust me you wouldn’t want him if you could see him clearly, which you can’t right now.

Francestein · 14/12/2025 04:50

Your ASD makes you vulnerable @milkyway512. This guy is a fuckstick you shouldn’t touch with a 10ft barge pole. Don’t let him touch you.

Alittlefrustrated · 14/12/2025 05:12

You may be gorgeous and lovely OP, but that is not why he has picked you out. He has sniffed out a level of vulnerability and is looking to exploit it. ASD or not, he sounds like a walking red flag, with abusive tendancies. Don't excuse his behaviours just because yu think ASD. He has a girlfriend, bur he'll shag you if you let him. Don't go there. You deserve much better.

HoppingPavlova · 14/12/2025 05:24

I would think he is a complete dickhead who has a girlfriend (who obviously has bad taste in men), but is flirting with you as he is hoping to get a leg over with you as well.

NewUserName2244 · 14/12/2025 05:44

He has a girlfriend and is letting you know. He’s also letting you know that he’s interested in you, with a vibe that he would cheat.

This isn’t a good man.

Mollydoggerson · 14/12/2025 05:52

The suicide joke is aggressive bullying. This guy doesn't understand normal social boundaries or behaviour.

What do you actually want from this? He is playing with your emotions, switch them off, he doesn't deserve your energy.

LamettaTime · 14/12/2025 05:54

Youve formed an unhealthy attachment to an absolute wanker. He told you everyone was waiting for you to commit suicide - why the fuck would you think he’s good enough for you?

if you want to be in a relationship then get yourself out and start dating

Clara27 · 14/12/2025 05:55

He does not sound like a decent person and he seems to be enjoying messing with your head. Please don’t be flattered by his attention and don’t play along because he does not care about you the way you hope. This is a game to him and he will use you for his own selfish needs. Please work on yourself and see that you are worth more and should expect more.

MakeItToTheMoon · 14/12/2025 06:35

Yes agree with all previous posters in saying he’s someone to stay away from romantically. He's enjoying playing mind games.

If a man genuinely likes you he would never say such horrible things to you. Imagine being in a relationship with him… yes he may find you attractive, but he doesn’t respect you. Keep him at arms length.

SparklyGlitterballs · 14/12/2025 06:44

I don't think he's flirting, he's playing with you. He says he has a girlfriend, so I'd take that as true. He probably realises you have a crush on him and is playing up to it. You really should have nothing to do with him, or cut any conversations short if you have to speak to him. Someone who has the capacity to be nasty, or a bully, as he was in the beginning, does not have nice characteristics.

Try to get over this infatuation, because this guy is not a good prospect as a boyfriend.

Gribouille · 14/12/2025 06:46

If someone told me I had fangs, looked like a PE teacher and should commit suicide (!), I wouldn't think they were flirting with me, I'd think they were bullying me...

He's a stupid and immature dick who thinks 'negging' is flirting and sexist comments in work are appropriate. And telling you he has a girlfriend but continuing to 'flirt' is him testing you out to see if you'd accept being his side piece.

There is nothing good about this, you can do better.

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