OMG The Ick, what gave you the ultimate ick?

[ChaliceinWonderland]

So boyfriend of a year ate his toastie from the plate by holding plate to face and pushing sandwich in, no hands. I cannot therefore unsee this.
Tbh our sex life is , let's say, poor at best. This has really finished me off. I'm having the massive ick.! Regale me with your equally dire stories!

I’ve thought of another one.
I had one date with a guy who used to come into the shop where I worked, dinner cooked by him at his house.
Firstly he really bigged up how good his cooking was yet served up chicken, mash, no veg or gravy, and squirted ketchup all over his plate, grim.
He was a singer, nothing big just local pubs ect.
When I got there he already had a stool, guitar and mic set up in the front room.
He sung to me (Jolene & Artic monkeys) I remember just sitting on his sofa with his fat golden retriever who also looked embarrassed. It was so cringeworthy.
This Was the moment I should have got up and left but no I decided to take all my clothes off and have sex with the guy.. Silly me but I was young and dumb.
Anyway I thought one night stand and I’ll hopefully never hear from him again.
Wrong again!! The next morning I woke to a text from him that said.. I really enjoyed last night and would love to do it again if you promise this time to stick your tongue and finger my arsehole. So romantic.
I didn’t reply but he went really weird for a few months after and hanging around outside of my work/not taking fuck off as an answer.
This was 20 years ago now but I still see him out and about sometimes.

The next morning I woke to a text from him that said.. I really enjoyed last night and would love to do it again if you promise this time to stick your tongue and finger my arsehole. So romantic.

OMG! As if the ketchup, gravyless mash and singing weren't enough! 😱

Was he a good singer?

Oh My God!!

I was feeling rough this morning.. onset of a cold I think, but that post has made me howl!😮 😂

What is the matter with some of these men? Where on earth do they get their ideas from?

Pornhub.

@ChaliceinWonderland ignore me, replied to the wrong person.

Pornhub.
He was so weird.

One guy, we were at a pub and he came out of the toilets and he said "fuck, im shitting blood!". Just the way he said it - like im sorry and that sounds serious but why are you phrasing it this way

Another guy I was with for many years and he used to do this thing where he would randomly pretend to be like a female porn star or something. Not in bed, thank Christ. But just at home every now and then in the kitchen or sonething he would like randomly twerk and put on a stripper voice, or slam his hands on his knees and roll up to straighten himself like he was doing a lap dance, sticking his arse out and making a porn face.
And id just be standing there thinking:
:-SSSS

My knees would have snapped shut so tight you’d need a crowbar to prise them open 😂

Gardener82 · Today 09:21
When I got there he already had a stool, guitar and mic set up in the front room.
Oh no....... I almost didn't want to read on. The cringe. It's unbearable.

I decided to take all my clothes off and have sex with the guy.
To be honest, getting naked is probably less embarrassing than being sung at

would love to do it again if you promise this time to stick your tongue and finger my arsehole. So romantic.
If it stops him singing it may be worth it 😂

I bet the dog was thinking 'it's alright for you Gardener82, I have to listen to this shit all the time..''

It was so cringey to be the only audience to his performance (apart from the dog)
When he started singing Jolene I wanted to die. My name is very very similar to Jolene, I don’t know if he chose it for that reason. I hope not.
Like I said he was hard to get rid of after this date, not full blown stalking but enough to irritate me. Around a year after I was in a pub and he rocked up onto the stage with his guitar and mic and sung Hopelessly devoted to you from Grease. I had my back to the stage and my friend said he was glaring at me throughout.

Oh fuck me. I don't know what to say. Maybe he thought you'd take your clothes off again and shag him

Jolene as in Dolly Parton?? I mean, I love a bit of Dolly, but not a solo gig at a chicken and mash supper club.

I particularly liked how he framed the tongue/finger arse bonus as though it somehow benefits you. We'll shag again if you promise to do this. Huh? Why the feck would that seal the deal? 😂😂

And @Gardener82 I love the way the dog also looked embarrassed! 🤣

He had the same first same name as my brother

Not a chance could I shag him and moan his name-it felt too close to incest

Another had no arse at all-his legs sort of finished at his back (it's hard to explain)

He couldn't find jeans (or any trousers) that held up-her always looked like he was wearing a nappy

He was an arsehole who got jealous if I walked past another bloke in the street

Yep, Dolly Parton.
I don’t know why he thought fiddling around with his arsehole would be appealing to me. I’d love to say this guy has been the only man to ask me to stick things up his bum hole but that wouldn’t be true unfortunately.
Im so glad im married and don’t have to date anymore.

@Gardener82 it is totally revolting, can you still buy marrows ? That might focus their minds

@Unicornsatonalilo
years go we had a neighbour like this and my Dad nicknamed him ‘no ass’ 🤣 he used to do things under his car bonnet and his jeans would not stay put

I'm glad I'm not married and don't have to put up with all that shit anymore. I've had HAWT dates since my husband decided marriage wasn't for him. A hot paramedic, a Porsche-driving multi-millionaire who worked at Deloitte and really knew what he was doing in bed, and a high school biology teacher who looked like Henry Cavill and certainly knew his anatomy. 🤭

Horses for courses.

Yes, mine had the flat arse. Legs finished at his back - that's a perfect description. We used to call it 'bag arse'😃

I had one bloke ask me to put some spray stuff on his piles...... He was laying naked in 'smear test' pose. He seemed to think it was a normal request,

What the fuck is wrong with people 😂

@AquaForce move over Casanova

Wow, I don’t even know what to say to that. I can say that if I’ve ever had to apply any medication/cream to my vag/bum I’ve managed to go into my bathroom do it myself wash my hands and carry on, all without having to involve anybody else.

😆 🤣 😂

i second that. i was on the floor 😂😂😂

@sidebirds I know, I cannot wait to use that one 🤣🤣