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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The behaviour around this man?

105 replies

Picklepicklespickle · 08/12/2025 16:33

His history.

*child at 15 with a 24 year old.

At 19 another child with a 27 year old. They got married. Didn't last . Separated when he was 24. He admitted he had messed this up and she was his true love. Due to being young he choose to party and drink and admitted not wanting to be tied down. He remained a good dad after the split.

Another relationship lasting a couple of years followed at 28.

In his early 30s he was with another woman and lasted around 2 years.

Then he was engaged and lived with another woman 18 months around the age of 37

He then had a 3 month thing with a woman but they kept arguing.

He then had a 16 month relationship with a mum of 4 kids. The youngest was a year old. He had limited interest in the other 3 boys who were 12 ish and 11. He got super obsessed with this child and the mum let him be dad to this boy. He got tattoos and they changed the kids surname. Proposed after 8 months. At 16 months she threw him out. She let him keep access.

2 months on we get together, i knew very littls of his past. We had a 6 month dating and then relationship. He would not tell the kids mum about me. I was therefore not posted on fb etc. She kept asking for his help on her weekends and he always said yes. He was obsessed with the child. He told me the mums hygiene was poor and she was an all round selfish wonan who neglected her smallest son, he described that as the reason he was so close go the boy. She forced him to rebuy everything for his flat and made his life hard to keep access. After 3 months she started hanging about under posts on his business page. He still refused to tell her saying she was spiteful and would use the child as a weapon. I eventually told him if he didnt tell her by January id walk away. He went through all the emotions over the next week. Sad. Confused. Felt we kept arguing. He said he needed to be alone but wasnt going back to her. I felt so frustrated thaf i contacted her. The result.

24 hour later profile photos and rekindled. He took her out on our date thix weekend we had planned. He absolutely trashed that woman to death.

I want to ask

What does he comd across to you?
Why does she think shes someone he cant get over? She told him any woman after her was always a rebound. I showed her everything including shots of him saying she smelt and was a terrible person
. She was a complete idiot and would never get him back.. the result was she had her knickers back off in 24 hours and called him the love of her life.

Why am i soneone who deserves this cruelty from him. He lived at my house half the week and we had holidays etc.

Long post. Working on myself anc i know lessons need to be learned. But i need some help making sense of this man who appeared very loving.

OP posts:
Glowingup · 08/12/2025 18:03

Picklepicklespickle · 08/12/2025 17:51

Sorry i posted i wish i hadnt

Sorry you’re struggling but genuinely OP, you need to raise your standards so much higher. Why would you want to be worthy of someone like this? He probably tells the ex that you smell too.

snugasabug75 · 08/12/2025 18:03

What has her children having autism got to do with it?

RescueMeFromThisSilliness · 08/12/2025 18:10

What did you learn about relationships growing up, OP? Were you happy, secure and loved, or made to feel worthless so you spent your childhood frantically trying to make people love you?

Because maybe that would explain why you are so desperately wanting this abusive man to 'choose' you instead of this other woman.

Isayitasitis · 08/12/2025 18:12

You will never find closure on here or from this man.

You have to find it within yourself. Ruminating over and over on the same subject, will not help you mentally.

Sometimes the closure is that whilst you will never have the answers, you have to make peace within yourself. It is okay to feel anger and hurt. Let yourself feel those things.

Just keep these people out of your mind and life. Block on social media and wherever you can. Peace comes from time and healing.

The why is clearly keeping you up but you know you will never get a straight answer from this man. Sometimes it's as simple as because they can and because he is a selfish dickhead.

Dollymylove · 08/12/2025 18:21

He sounds very damaged.
Walk away

TwistedWonder · 08/12/2025 18:26

JFC - this one got more red flags than the Russian army on May Day when they’ve also invited the Chinese army along to join the parade.

A red flag factory got less

You’re asking the wrong question. wtf does it matter about his ex - even Usain Bolt couldn’t run away from this utter car crash of a bloke.

What on earth has happened in your life for your bar to be this low?

DaisyChain505 · 08/12/2025 18:40

Picklepicklespickle · 08/12/2025 17:00

Because i never asked to be played and i cant handle the level of disgusting comments he made about her and got away with the lot. She thinks km jealous and hd onky said if threw anger.

I journalled a 2 hour conversation we had about her where he destoyed her entire being and begged me to trust him that hed never ever go nesf her again because he was unhappy. She even admitted theyd been unhappy the last few months! Why want him back when hes restarted his entire life from scratch again because you got rid ?

Because they’re both obviously messed up and in a toxic cycle. Let them get on with it.

Have more self respect for yourself and want more for yourself.

DaisyChain505 · 08/12/2025 18:42

Picklepicklespickle · 08/12/2025 17:16

I just feel like his ex holds more value and i was good to him. I gave him some of my sons stuff fod the child as he was trying to buy everything. I did nothing wrong. His last message haunts me. I never replied.

Edited

You could give him the world but if he’s a shit human being, he’s a shit human being.

He obviously saw that you were willing to do lots of things for him and be took advantage.

Raise your bar, don’t feel like you have to go above and beyond so a man will want you.

MrsColinRobinson · 08/12/2025 18:43

Why have you started another thread about this OP? Did you think you'd get responses you'd like this week?

I'm going to go against the grain and say this is partially your fault. You've allowed a disfunctional manky sounding loser into your home and around your children after barely any time together. Now you're finding out what he's really like and should be happy to see the back of him, but you're back on whining about not being Facebook official. Grow up!

You deliberately left out the details from your previous thread where you approached his ex hoping to humiliate her and ensure they they'd fall out and it backfired by bringing them closer together.

Try some real reflection about your role, who you expose your kids to and focus on them for a while.

TwistedWonder · 08/12/2025 18:49

You let this absolute piece of shit to be under your roof with your kids??? Ffs put them first not this cunt who dips his dick in anything that stands still long enough.

AgnesX · 08/12/2025 18:51

Picklepicklespickle · 08/12/2025 17:00

Because i never asked to be played and i cant handle the level of disgusting comments he made about her and got away with the lot. She thinks km jealous and hd onky said if threw anger.

I journalled a 2 hour conversation we had about her where he destoyed her entire being and begged me to trust him that hed never ever go nesf her again because he was unhappy. She even admitted theyd been unhappy the last few months! Why want him back when hes restarted his entire life from scratch again because you got rid ?

Why want him back? Why do you want him back?

What a dreadful individual for the way he's treated both of you. Just don't kid yourself by thinking he's ever going to be any different.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 08/12/2025 18:53

MrsColinRobinson · 08/12/2025 18:43

Why have you started another thread about this OP? Did you think you'd get responses you'd like this week?

I'm going to go against the grain and say this is partially your fault. You've allowed a disfunctional manky sounding loser into your home and around your children after barely any time together. Now you're finding out what he's really like and should be happy to see the back of him, but you're back on whining about not being Facebook official. Grow up!

You deliberately left out the details from your previous thread where you approached his ex hoping to humiliate her and ensure they they'd fall out and it backfired by bringing them closer together.

Try some real reflection about your role, who you expose your kids to and focus on them for a while.

I can't see any other threads from this OP.

Picklepicklespickle · 08/12/2025 18:57

TwistedWonder · 08/12/2025 18:49

You let this absolute piece of shit to be under your roof with your kids??? Ffs put them first not this cunt who dips his dick in anything that stands still long enough.

He never met my son

OP posts:
Picklepicklespickle · 08/12/2025 18:57

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 08/12/2025 18:53

I can't see any other threads from this OP.

I havent made any threads

OP posts:
Wowcha · 08/12/2025 19:01

Picklepicklespickle · 08/12/2025 17:51

Sorry i posted i wish i hadnt

Why not?

What was you hoping would be the outcome of this thread x

outerspacepotato · 08/12/2025 19:02

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 08/12/2025 18:53

I can't see any other threads from this OP.

There was a thread a couple weeks ago where the OP had a short term awful bf who was keeping their relationship secret from his "ex" but OP got mad and spilled to ex and bf dumped her. He used the same language shit talking his ex to the OP and being obsessed with ex's son.

Same ranty style too. I think the thread might have been deleted, not sure.

TwistedWonder · 08/12/2025 19:05

outerspacepotato · 08/12/2025 19:02

There was a thread a couple weeks ago where the OP had a short term awful bf who was keeping their relationship secret from his "ex" but OP got mad and spilled to ex and bf dumped her. He used the same language shit talking his ex to the OP and being obsessed with ex's son.

Same ranty style too. I think the thread might have been deleted, not sure.

Edited

Was it the one where the kids biological dad was the local weed dealer?

outerspacepotato · 08/12/2025 19:08

TwistedWonder · 08/12/2025 19:05

Was it the one where the kids biological dad was the local weed dealer?

Oh, I think that's it.

Shadesofscarlett · 08/12/2025 19:17

Picklepicklespickle · 08/12/2025 17:16

I just feel like his ex holds more value and i was good to him. I gave him some of my sons stuff fod the child as he was trying to buy everything. I did nothing wrong. His last message haunts me. I never replied.

Edited

give over - stop competing with another woman for him. You want her and him to end so he will choose you? Give your head a wobble. please for the love of the wee man, you did not let him near your own kids did you?

He lied, cheated, talked about his crazy ex and god knows what else - and still you want him back. Why?

Idontjetwashthefucker · 08/12/2025 19:18

Gosh, you have some very complicated relationships with the many men in your life...must be at least 2 weeks since you've started a thread about one of them?

SleepingStandingUp · 08/12/2025 19:19

TwistedWonder · 08/12/2025 18:49

You let this absolute piece of shit to be under your roof with your kids??? Ffs put them first not this cunt who dips his dick in anything that stands still long enough.

is 8 partners really that many for a man in his early 40s including the one where he was groomed by an adult woman whilst he was still a child? lol

I don't doubt he's treated op badly and bad mouthing your ex to your current squeeze then running back to your ex at the first chance does not make him a great guy.

However,

op you need to realise that this is a bad thing he did because of who he is not you. no one deserves to be messed around with like this. whatever she did to you with your ex, honestly it's just all a mess. block the lot of them, accept that sometimes people get trashed badly for no reason and learn to see the red flags x

HaveYouFedTheFish · 08/12/2025 19:26

SleepingStandingUp · 08/12/2025 19:19

is 8 partners really that many for a man in his early 40s including the one where he was groomed by an adult woman whilst he was still a child? lol

I don't doubt he's treated op badly and bad mouthing your ex to your current squeeze then running back to your ex at the first chance does not make him a great guy.

However,

op you need to realise that this is a bad thing he did because of who he is not you. no one deserves to be messed around with like this. whatever she did to you with your ex, honestly it's just all a mess. block the lot of them, accept that sometimes people get trashed badly for no reason and learn to see the red flags x

I think most people are basing comments like this on the fact he clearly doesn't actually like the women he's been sleeping with recently - by his own account he sleeps with women who "stink" for example...

strange25 · 08/12/2025 19:37

You are worthy, you are enough and within time you will realise that. He sounds like an absolute loser. You will likely look back on this time and cringe! His relationship with her likely won’t change for the better, it’s clearly just convenient with a child involved. I would be disgusted if I was with someone who constantly spoke about their ex like that, what kind of man does that make them? Reality is he’s not a man, he’s a boy. He’s likely saying stuff to her about you.

Ask yourself what value he actually brought to your life, do you want to be with someone for the rest of your life who behaves this way? The guy is a walking red flag. Does he even have any ‘green’ flags? Probably love bombed the shit of you to begin with.

Honestly run for the hills and rebuild yourself.

smallsilvercloud · 08/12/2025 19:52

He has a reckless track record of relationships, how could you think it would be different with you. and I expect he will always carry on flipping from one woman to the next, dreadful for children that have also been involved.
I really hope you won’t feed into his ego anymore and not give him any attention, he’s not worth it, choose wisely next time.

MrsColinRobinson · 08/12/2025 20:36

Picklepicklespickle · 08/12/2025 18:57

I havent made any threads

You made another thread a week or two ago. Exactly the same nonsense where you repeatedly fixated about his ex, the vile things he said about her and complained about not being Facebook official.

You went on and on about his obsession with the child she has, but here you are again obsessing about him!

This was a 6 month barely relationship, your response is not healthy and you need to get some help.

Move on from pondlife