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Original poster

I went too far will he ever return

82 replies

Uturnx3 · 27/11/2025 15:29

I want some kindness as im in the first 24 hours and very teary today. I've been dating and it turned into a relationship for 6 months. Hes been so nice to be around. Lovely dates. Cost nights in, so much laughter and we just seemed right.
Hes hid me from his ex due to a child thats hers but he still sees him at weekends. He was with her a year but knew her for 12. I must be honest she took over our relationship in terms of routines, contact and wanting the friendship back from before. Hes spoken about her negatively and doesn't seem to find her pleasant since going out with her.
As I put more pressure on him to tell her in the new year he's pushed back, hes told other people but not her. She worked out we were talking and he told her we had never met. He said she would take the child away and if I did anything to cause that I'm evil.
The last 2 days he's fully pushed me away and said he wants to be alone and focus on the child. He hasn't healed hes realised. But hes messed with my life and emotions for months to get to this conclusion. We'd got Christmas gifts etc.

Last night he refused to discuss anything and just felt alone with it. He made me do mad i told his ex everything. She said all I am is a rebound and hes used me. She said they have hot close as friends and dhe fid have the door open potentially for the future but now she felt awful. She kept saying how much she meant to him and i was just nothing. Yet I've been alot to him and I've been to work auctions etc aswell as all the fun times.

Hes blocked me everywhere and deleted my best friend off his FB who he knows well.

I'd like to talk through some stuff if I get supportive responses, feeling a tad low. I'm aching at all our lovely times and how he now feels

OP posts:
Alpacajigsaw · 27/11/2025 15:32

Yeah you have been a rebound fling I think. Sorry OP. At least it was only 6 months. Lick your wounds and move on x

ChampagneLassie · 27/11/2025 15:32

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Original poster
Uturnx3 · 27/11/2025 15:33

We both loved each other for the last 3 months so it feels heartbreaking, he swore i wasn't a rebound. It only ended because I was pressuring him and it made him stressed

OP posts:
Original poster
Uturnx3 · 27/11/2025 15:34

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

How was i he was still letting her write flirty comments on Facebook posts because he had zero boundaries in place.

OP posts:
MannersAreAll · 27/11/2025 15:34

He shouldn't return. You're very clearly not right for each other.

Lashing out in a way that potentially impacts his relationship with a child is incredibly petty, some would say nasty. If he cares for the child he'll stay walked away.

rainbowunicorn22 · 27/11/2025 15:34

Cake and eat it, I'm sorry. he may or may not be having a relationship with her still personally. I think you had a lucky escape. do not be sad, you can do a hell of a lot better

Original poster
Uturnx3 · 27/11/2025 15:37

MannersAreAll · 27/11/2025 15:34

He shouldn't return. You're very clearly not right for each other.

Lashing out in a way that potentially impacts his relationship with a child is incredibly petty, some would say nasty. If he cares for the child he'll stay walked away.

But it was not right. We couldn't be public on social media. Share photos or express anything. He could not walk around the town with me. He was so focused on them he didn't meet my children yet. It was time to put more boundaries in place and if she's spiteful to stop him seeing the child then that's on her. She said it wouldn't affect him and the child.
I have feelings and he lead me into thinking he was serious. I was in a box when it suited him

OP posts:
MannersAreAll · 27/11/2025 15:40

But it was not right. We couldn't be public on social media. Share photos or express anything. He could not walk around the town with me. He was so focused on them he didn't meet my children yet. It was time to put more boundaries in place and if she's spiteful to stop him seeing the child then that's on her. She said it wouldn't affect him and the child.
I have feelings and he lead me into thinking he was serious. I was in a box when it suited him

Yes, his behaviour wasn't acceptable so you should have walked away from him.

Your boundaries should have been with him. It's not your place to put boundaries between him and someone else. That's his choice. And if his choice doesn't work for you then you walk away.

alecks · 27/11/2025 15:43

What do you mean due to a child that’s hers? Is he not the father?

Sassylovesbooks · 27/11/2025 15:57

Your now ex, was in a relationship for a year with a woman that he's known for 12 years. This woman has a child, that's not biologically his, but he still sees the child at weekends. He's been reluctant throughout the 6 months you were together to tell this woman that he's now in a relationship with you. How old is the child? Did your ex know the child prior to getting in a relationship with the Mum? Keeping a man in a child's life, who isn't the biological Dad, after only a year of dating, strikes me as odd. Does the child see their biological Dad? You then, out of anger went and told this woman that you were in a relationship with your ex. She confirmed they weren't together but she'd left the door open for him to return and told you that you've been a 'rebound'. As hard as this is for you, your ex was never wholeheartedly with you, part of him is still with his ex. Yes, you got on, had a laugh and had a good time but if he'd truly wanted to be with you, he'd have been honest with his ex from the start. Instead he hid you away like a guilty secret. You only have his word that she used her child as a weapon against him too, she may not have done. He's far too emotionally involved with his ex and her child, to have a relationship with anyone else. You have to accept you told his ex all about your relationship with him, out of anger and frustration, and it's pissed him off. He's made his feelings clear by blocking you and wanting nothing further to do with you. I understand why you did what you did!! Be grateful that you were only together 6 months and not years. You now know where you stand, there's no going back. Have a good mope, cry, eating ice-cream, drinking wine and wail down the phone to a friend. You then pick yourself up, dust yourself down and start again.

Skybluepinky · 27/11/2025 16:07

Stay away you are with more.

Starlight1984 · 27/11/2025 16:08

Uturnx3 · 27/11/2025 15:37

But it was not right. We couldn't be public on social media. Share photos or express anything. He could not walk around the town with me. He was so focused on them he didn't meet my children yet. It was time to put more boundaries in place and if she's spiteful to stop him seeing the child then that's on her. She said it wouldn't affect him and the child.
I have feelings and he lead me into thinking he was serious. I was in a box when it suited him

Show quote history

We couldn't be public on social media. Share photos or express anything. He could not walk around the town with me.

He is either making plans to get back with his ex or - at best - is hoping it will happen. Hence why he didn't want her to know he was with you.

outerspacepotato · 27/11/2025 16:13

You wanted him to meet your kids after 6 months? When he was hiding you from his so called "ex"?

Way, way too fast. He was flying more flags than the CCCP parade and you ignored them all.

It sounds like he was in a relationship with both of you and he's now dropped you to go back to her when you pushed to go public with your relationship and when you told his kid's mother, that was it. He's done.

Read up on red flags in relationships. Read Codependent No More by Melanie Beatty. Signs of a Toxic Relationship. Healing From Toxic Relationships. Work on your self esteem. Have a cry and start over. Stay single until you recognize those red flags he was waving, like rebounding and trying to keep your relationship secret and badmouthing the mother of his child to you.

Starlight1984 · 27/11/2025 16:17

It sounds like he was in a relationship with both of you and he's now dropped you to go back to her when you pushed to go public with your relationship and when you told his kid's mother, that was it. He's done.

What @outerspacepotato says.

Arlanymor · 27/11/2025 16:18

Kindly, you say he has no boundaries - but neither do you. You accepted 'being hid' and not being on social media, or even in public together. He then decided to end it with you and you went to his ex expecting what exactly? Just to throw in a grenade?

You don't like her, but she's done nothing wrong to you. How could she have taken over your relationship if she didn't know you were together? He told you crap about her and you just believed it because it was convenient for you to do so.

She's been honest with you now and of course he's blocked you on everything because he didn't want you to find out the truth which is that as much as she was leaving the door open, he was probably walking through it too. Your ex is awful, she actually sounds straightforward.

Either way, this relationship isn't for you - take some time to mourn and the dust yourself off because a new year is just abound the corner.

PumpkinTwistyWindToots · 27/11/2025 16:20

Uturnx3 · 27/11/2025 15:37

But it was not right. We couldn't be public on social media. Share photos or express anything. He could not walk around the town with me. He was so focused on them he didn't meet my children yet. It was time to put more boundaries in place and if she's spiteful to stop him seeing the child then that's on her. She said it wouldn't affect him and the child.
I have feelings and he lead me into thinking he was serious. I was in a box when it suited him

Show quote history

All this is why you should walk away from the relationship. You shouldn't have messaged her for a myriad of reasons- the one most important to you is that you're given her power over you, which is a shame. You should be hoping he comes back.

Wickedlittledancer · 27/11/2025 16:24

I’m afraid I also think calling his ex to tell and then competing with how much you meant to him was a very poor choice. What did you hope to achieve, she would tell him to fuck off snd you’d get him? If he doesn’t want to be with you, and I’m sorry he does not, then trying to make the ex unavailable isn’t going to work for you, he will just hate you for it. Not run back to you as the consellation prize, and why would you wish that?

Wickedlittledancer · 27/11/2025 16:25

PumpkinTwistyWindToots · 27/11/2025 16:20

All this is why you should walk away from the relationship. You shouldn't have messaged her for a myriad of reasons- the one most important to you is that you're given her power over you, which is a shame. You should be hoping he comes back.

Show quote history

Why should she be hoping he comes back? Is that a typo?

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 27/11/2025 16:28

I would also be suspecting that the child is his.

The fact he kept anything hidden was a red flag in itself. You can do better, OP.

Teathecolourofcreosote · 27/11/2025 16:31

You can't push away someone who wants to be with you by asking for something that should be the default in a relationship.

It's worrying that you see it this way.

Your behaviour is not the problem here. Why the hell shouldn't you be in a position where your existence can be recognised.

justasking111 · 27/11/2025 16:35

A friend of ours his wife threw him out for her lover who then dumped her. She's destroyed two of his relationships since threatening to tell the police he's sexually abused his own children amongst other accusations. It's a nightmare.

Honestly @Uturnx3 walk away before you're further embroiled.

Stillpoor · 27/11/2025 16:42

How old are you op.

MissDoubleU · 27/11/2025 16:45

He kept you secret because he was likely still sleeping with the ex. He lied to you about having bad boundaries when she posted flirty things in his FB. He’s so easily detached from you because he’s back with her and won’t actually risk losing her. He needs to shut you down and stop all contact because he‘s realised he can’t play you both any more.

Thats absolutely how I would be reading it: never be a man’s secret ever again. Lesson (hopefully) learned.

Sodthesystem · 27/11/2025 16:47

Uturnx3 · 27/11/2025 15:33

We both loved each other for the last 3 months so it feels heartbreaking, he swore i wasn't a rebound. It only ended because I was pressuring him and it made him stressed

With all durle respect op you've been naive. And you don't even know the guy at 3 months in let alone love.

Hes a headfucking twat who has drove her nuts and was going to do the same to you. You've had a lucky escape.

Don't play stupid games, with men who keep you secret and have 'crazy ex's'. You will win stupid prizes. Block him right back.

Boomer55 · 27/11/2025 16:50

Just enjoy the fun of this short term relationship and ignore his ex. She isn’t your problem.