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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I went too far will he ever return

82 replies

Uturnx3 · 27/11/2025 15:29

I want some kindness as im in the first 24 hours and very teary today. I've been dating and it turned into a relationship for 6 months. Hes been so nice to be around. Lovely dates. Cost nights in, so much laughter and we just seemed right.
Hes hid me from his ex due to a child thats hers but he still sees him at weekends. He was with her a year but knew her for 12. I must be honest she took over our relationship in terms of routines, contact and wanting the friendship back from before. Hes spoken about her negatively and doesn't seem to find her pleasant since going out with her.
As I put more pressure on him to tell her in the new year he's pushed back, hes told other people but not her. She worked out we were talking and he told her we had never met. He said she would take the child away and if I did anything to cause that I'm evil.
The last 2 days he's fully pushed me away and said he wants to be alone and focus on the child. He hasn't healed hes realised. But hes messed with my life and emotions for months to get to this conclusion. We'd got Christmas gifts etc.

Last night he refused to discuss anything and just felt alone with it. He made me do mad i told his ex everything. She said all I am is a rebound and hes used me. She said they have hot close as friends and dhe fid have the door open potentially for the future but now she felt awful. She kept saying how much she meant to him and i was just nothing. Yet I've been alot to him and I've been to work auctions etc aswell as all the fun times.

Hes blocked me everywhere and deleted my best friend off his FB who he knows well.

I'd like to talk through some stuff if I get supportive responses, feeling a tad low. I'm aching at all our lovely times and how he now feels

OP posts:
ERthree · 28/11/2025 17:11

I think you were the other woman and the child is his.

Linenpickle · 28/11/2025 17:12

Lucky escape.

euff · 28/11/2025 17:22

He’s not a catch, far from it. Step well back.

Fairgamer · 28/11/2025 17:30

It seems he was with both at same time. She seemed a bit like an idiot by the way she behaved as well (though maybe she was defensive because she didn't want to involve her kid in anything.. as I understand she has a kid too is that so?). Are you sure both weren't scheming together , like him still being with her and trying to woo other women for money or whatever?

He is giving con man energy.

Fairgamer · 28/11/2025 17:40

Uturnx3 · 27/11/2025 17:31

Sorry we were out in public places. Like pubs. Beaches. We did a mediumship night. A shopping day. Meals etc. We did walks and picnics.

The kids biological dad is apparently a weed dealer she slept with for free weed and there's a injunction on him.

Hes obsessed with the child he said hes his world and ill never come close.

He said her breath stank and he hated sex with her and had to buy her oral hygiene stuff.

They weren't still shagging but clearly she still had one day maybe in her mind. He said they had 3 dates in a year and he got bored and wanted to come back home to the child he said he got obsessed with him when his own grand child was taken out his life.

Hes 40 married once and engaged another 2 times. Longest relationship was 5 years the rest seem between 1 and 2 years. 5 relationships as an adult. Starting to think he is incapable!

He also told 3 people i was his new gf at a work auctions and these people knew his ex

He has mental issues and the ex too. Change the tape: now you start despising him and laugh at this face, ready to find your true love who will make you happy while this mediocre man will keep with his half relationship and a line of crazy exes with bad breath.

Also let me be clear: he didn't split with the ex. That behavior is not of an ex. It's of a women who knew what was going on, as there was no surprise. His intentions weren't good. You should ask why he targeted you though. Anyway not your problem anymore, learn the red flags and get free to find a decent man.

Uturnx3 · 02/12/2025 21:33

He got back either his ex yesterday told me he meant nothing he said to me and I was a rebound. He said they are happy and to leave them alone.

OP posts:
GirlAnachro · 03/12/2025 10:49

Uturnx3 · 02/12/2025 21:33

He got back either his ex yesterday told me he meant nothing he said to me and I was a rebound. He said they are happy and to leave them alone.

Well OP from all our outsiders perspectives this was an obvious outcome. He clearly had one foot out the door of the rl he was halfheartedly in with you and and fully in hers, sorry but no man is so invested with a child of a short term ex like her w/o being obsessed with her.

Sorry to say you were a rebound that he treated poorly.

All you can do now is reflect on your part in this while you recuperate. Get into therapy if you can (if that’s a no go then very least make several posts here so you can understand and process why you let this happen)

-Explore why you accepted him treating you “less than”.
-Figure out why you are/were painting this 6 month! situationship as far bigger than was in reality. You were neither of you “so in love”. He was clearly using you as a halfhearted rebound, but you equally did not actually love him, codependent, limerant, desperate for something (validation?) yes but in true love you were not. True love is comfortable, trust, security, can you say you truly felt those with him? How was your relationships with your parents?

-You need to reflect on how your brain has labelled and talked about your ex and then his ex. Maybe read this thread back again in a few weeks so you can hopefully see how you’ve tried to put him on a pedestal while simultaneously being quick to disparaging her here (and probably IRL),, happy to demonise her on only his untrustworthy word (“she got pregnant sleeping with a dealer”, “he said her breath stank and she was shit in bed” etc, eagerly relaying the nasty venomous things ex had said about her,… this hopefully will be a lesson learned that a male who talks disgustingly offensively about a woman, would be with her in a heartbeat more often than not, and this is a reason to run to the hills, not think you’re his forever nor want him as yours
)
You’ve lapped up this bile as you are clearly incredibly insecure (for good reason wrt him) and wanted to believe she was a bad gross immoral thing and you were special and the one. You learned an important lesson that a man who describes his ex in horrible ways, is the massive red flag, not her. See also “my ex is a crazy bitch”.

Finally, I am glad to read your update. Not because I want you to be hurt, which you inevitably are, but because this weak excuse of a male already had you exactly where he wanted you; insecure, anxious, hurt confused and doing the “pick me dance (google pick me + Chumplady and see how common this is)
,competing with another woman for the sole reason of boosting his pathetic ego.

i know it hurts very badly right now, and i hope my post doesn’t come across as harsh, i am speaking ten years out from recovering from the pain of not one, but two narcissistic, cruel relationships like him, strung along, pitted against other women, who were never the problem, and after you give yourself a few days to lick your wounds I really hope you spend those days reading up on Chumplady, whose been helping women for decades now, and here, make a new post if need be, you’ll get support, anywhere you can read with other real women who’ve gone thru this, any and all “oh shit, it’s not me, these cunts are pros at this shit” that can help you realise you’re not alone, and give you all the preparation so you find self respect and never fall into this situation again.

All the best OP

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