I went too far will he ever return

[Uturnx3]

I want some kindness as im in the first 24 hours and very teary today. I've been dating and it turned into a relationship for 6 months. Hes been so nice to be around. Lovely dates. Cost nights in, so much laughter and we just seemed right.
Hes hid me from his ex due to a child thats hers but he still sees him at weekends. He was with her a year but knew her for 12. I must be honest she took over our relationship in terms of routines, contact and wanting the friendship back from before. Hes spoken about her negatively and doesn't seem to find her pleasant since going out with her.
As I put more pressure on him to tell her in the new year he's pushed back, hes told other people but not her. She worked out we were talking and he told her we had never met. He said she would take the child away and if I did anything to cause that I'm evil.
The last 2 days he's fully pushed me away and said he wants to be alone and focus on the child. He hasn't healed hes realised. But hes messed with my life and emotions for months to get to this conclusion. We'd got Christmas gifts etc.

Last night he refused to discuss anything and just felt alone with it. He made me do mad i told his ex everything. She said all I am is a rebound and hes used me. She said they have hot close as friends and dhe fid have the door open potentially for the future but now she felt awful. She kept saying how much she meant to him and i was just nothing. Yet I've been alot to him and I've been to work auctions etc aswell as all the fun times.

Hes blocked me everywhere and deleted my best friend off his FB who he knows well.

I'd like to talk through some stuff if I get supportive responses, feeling a tad low. I'm aching at all our lovely times and how he now feels

OP, gently, you can do so much better than a man who hides you from his ex and won't be in public with you.
I am sure this is horribly painful at the moment, but it will pass and you will heal, and I truly hope you find a man who will treat you with respect and be proud to love you openly without secrets.

Sorry OP but he wasn’t madly in love with you, this is a fantasy in your head

He’s had a fling with you while still pursuing his ex (and possibly still sleeping with her) .

You have behaved extremely immaturely and by trying to force his hand by doing the pick me dance, he’s made his choice and it’s not you.

Sorry to sound harsh but you need to learn from this and spot the massive red flags he was waving in your face.

Hes a total fuckboy who wants to have his cake and eat it and he’s strung you along,

Lick your wounds and move on

It doesn’t feel like it now, OP, but with time you’ll realise you weren’t right for each other and you’ll be glad it’s over. Meantime, use your anger at the awful way you’ve been treated to help you get to that stage.

He's used you OP, forget about him and move on with your life.

He’s a pig, I would also think that he was in a relationship with her too. You are worth more than him. The fact he put a woman with a child who’s not even his over you says everything. Block him and live your life .

No, he used you and he dumped you because you were trying to be more than a bit on the side.
I am sorry and I take no pleasure in pointing out the bloody obvious but the best way for you to heal and move on is to stop fooling yourself
You deserve better, forget him

Doesn't sound like he respected you or cared about your feelings at all. Sorry OP but you'll find someone new, even if it doesn't feel like it

It's not you, it's him. He was using you. He was leading you on and keeping a lot of your relationship secret from others. You had every right to say enough is enough and to tell him to make his mind up about being together properly.

That isn't pressuring him, it is a totally reasonable thing to expect after 6 months together.

Sorry, but it was never going to work. He is way too much of a commitment phobe by the looks of it.

He's not worth any more headspace @Uturnx3

So you took a gamble and told his ex - probably hoping she would tell him to fuck off and he would come running back to you. But that hasn't happened and she is lording it up saying he loves me really and he has blocked you because he would rather whatever she and her son give him than what you do. So you lost that gamble. It happens.

You are not the first, or will be the last, woman who thought they had the love of a "bad boy" "oh babe it's complicated". Whereas you gave him what he wanted at the time, no real strings, easy company, food, sex.

He didn't take you out, show you off (either in real life or on social media).

If a relationship is dictated by another person not in it - it's not a relationship and it's certainly not love.

YOU HAVE HAD A LUCKY ESCAPE.

Thank the stars you lost that gamble.

Take his Christmas present back to the shop or donate it charity. It doesn't matter it's sunk cost now.

Next time do not stand for a non-relationship relationship.

Enjoy Christmas without having to hide or pretend you don't exist. Concentrate on your children sounds like they will have a better Christmas without all that man's drama in the background. Your kids love you, he does not. No biggie.

He was still fucking her or at least hoping to by the sounds of it. move on you can do so much better.

Another one here who thinks you deserve a lot better than a man who is clearly still involved with his ex in one way or another.

Have a great Christmas with your kids and forget this man, another will come along who will love you properly

He's a waste of time. Hiding you? That's a huge red flag as well as an insult.

Raise your expectations and your standards. Xx

Nope hes stepped into a role of dad though

After a year?
Absolutely fuck that.

One of the worst feelings in the world is liking someone and them not liking you back.

You have to block him on everything and move on.
Fake it until you make it.

If he knows that you are waiting for him and wanting him back he won’t want you at all.

Watch how when you start doing good and moving on with your life he’ll start begging for you back.

Are you sure it’s not his child? Doesn’t matter I guess, as they were ciearly working on reconciliation.

Telling her to hope to split them up so you can have him was very foolish, he will never forgive you for it. Fine if you did it for her sake or to punish him, but it’s clear that wasn’t the reason you did it and he knows it. They both do.

you can’t compete for a man who doesn’t want you op. . Don’t ever try.

you will look back at this and realise it wasn’t right. You will meet someone where you are his number 1. It’s nothing about you. Simply some relationships are not meant to be.

Please don’t do that, give her false hope. We both know he won’t be doing that.

Oops yes typo

Totally agree. Let’s not give her another fantasy to imagine will happen.

Hes more likely to be out chafing another unwitting victim as his next bit on the side.

You have made a mistake with him OP - he’s a twat only interested in getting his dick wet

You were never more than his bit on the side.

Your behaviour was very immature.

You need to work on your self-esteem and your boundaries.

But what is most concerning is that you have children and were actually hoping to introduce them to this man.

Sorry we were out in public places. Like pubs. Beaches. We did a mediumship night. A shopping day. Meals etc. We did walks and picnics.

The kids biological dad is apparently a weed dealer she slept with for free weed and there's a injunction on him.

Hes obsessed with the child he said hes his world and ill never come close.

He said her breath stank and he hated sex with her and had to buy her oral hygiene stuff.

They weren't still shagging but clearly she still had one day maybe in her mind. He said they had 3 dates in a year and he got bored and wanted to come back home to the child he said he got obsessed with him when his own grand child was taken out his life.

Hes 40 married once and engaged another 2 times. Longest relationship was 5 years the rest seem between 1 and 2 years. 5 relationships as an adult. Starting to think he is incapable!

He also told 3 people i was his new gf at a work auctions and these people knew his ex

How old was he when his GC got taken out of his life?

He’s 40 years old and he speaks about his ex like that?? Honestly he sounds like a teenage fuckboy who protests too much.

He was 100% still fucking her - stop being naive you’re not a child. And no one takes on the local drug dealers kid as their own out of the sheer goodness of their heart.

Come on OP -stop lying down with dogs before you catch fleas. This is more Jeremy Kyle than Mills & Boon

Sorry but it does sound you were a rebound. He selfishly used you to fill that void he was feeling since being single.

No exes would stay tied together for a child that isn't theirs and had only known for a year, let alone let the ex run rings around how they live their life for this child. If she had moved on she would have soon put a stop to that and want him out of her life. He must have known part of him still saw a chance of their relationship starting back again at some point, or he would have been able to tell her about dating again. He especially wouldn't keep someone new a secret if he loved them and had no feelings for the ex.

Put this down as a lesson learnt in what to avoid in the future. If someone passionately speaks horrible about an ex then likely are still processing emotions that may not have concluded yet. If they are recently separated, avoid. If they want to keep you a secret and not be seen in public, avoid. And I would avoid anyone keeping a tie to an ex for any reason other than children that are theirs by biology, adoption or maybe an exception if they had been in the child's life for a much longer period than 1 year.

Over the next few weeks you will start to process this and start to really look at how shit he has treated you and the hurt will turn to anger at him and yourself for putting up with it so long. Then he will soon become a distant memory. A non event from the past.

Wasn't his wife was a year relationship and a 12 year friendship.

Lost his gc last year to family conflict.

Threw himself into this kid and now hes obsessed he says it makes him sad when this boy smiles. Hes almost depressed about him but devoted