Younger (much younger) man

[Lily2505]

I’m 63. It’s not that I look “young for my age”; more that I am quite fit physically and am blessed with good skin from my dads side.

I’m three and a half years post a truly awful divorce and have had a number of dates but, they haven’t gone further than a coffee or two.

I’ve met an attractive man. Funny. Clever. Hot. But, where I was hoping for someone the same age or maybe slightly older, he’s ten years younger. I’m flattered but honestly, I’m incredibly nervous about sleeping with this guy. I’m SO aware of the age gap. I’m having a great time. We have fun and laugh together a lot. He too has gone through divorce after a long marriage.

Am I being ridiculous? I ought to be winding down and knitting for my grandkids now, not this!!?

Not a problem at your ages thats not really an age gap. Not like your 18 and 28 even though nothing legally wrong with that either. Go for it! You deserve to be happy 😊

It sounds like it - and now it's just a casual thing. Remember those teenage romances where you were loved up for a first few months and then it sort of fizzled out? It sounds like that, sadly. Onwards and upwards - unless you're happy with it being more casual?

I don’t think you should lie, but I also think it’s far too early to sit down and explain your expectations. Right now you’ve not even had the exclusive talk or girlfriend talk, and it is still casual.

onky say you want sex with to strings if that’s what you want, as it’s likely this is what he wants. Don’t walk into hurt, as clearly you want a relationship with this man and he’s moved into into casual. It is best for you not to hang around being bread crumbed hoping he suddenly changes his mind, he won’t.

and I think you know full well no one is so busy they can’t keep in the same contact, he managed it before. He could manage it now. He is choosing not to. He could also be talking to someone else, hence why limited comm with you now.

id keep my dignity here, don’t chase him, asking him to see you, and don’t be sitting down like a Victorian spinster declaring your expectations. See him again if you’re ok with a few shags, don’t if you’re not.

I agree with this. The 'these are my expectations' talk is fine when you're much further down tge line, but at 3 months in this is a take it or leave it situation - it sounds like you're one of a few options. If you're happy with that, then why not - enjoy it for what it is. If you'd rather be more than that, then ignore him and move on.

@Frenchfrychic Good advice!

If we have to have a conversation about sudden change in communication, there’s the answer right there, I guess!

Don’t have that comm, and it reads like maybe you asked to see him? Still very happy to meet is really code for yeah if you insist and I’ve nothing better to do. I’m sorry,

I thought you were going to say at least 15 years younger.

Ummm… things have moved on from THAT problem!! 🤣

I think many of us have met people who are great out of the starting blocks but have little staying power.

Yet there is an inescapable mismatch between the expectations they have created, and their willingness to perform them.

Perhaps you might get the impression that this man is a smooth talker, that he has everything down pat, that he seems able to predict what you are going to say and will have a cookie cutter response at the ready.

That’s the fluency that only comes with practice and knowledge of multiple lovers.

As one wise owl once said, “If things do not make sense, there is something you are not being told.”

I understand how demoralizing it is to be chewed up and spat out again, and often the kind of people to do this are the ones you would suspect least.

But whatever form they take they are all stinkers, and not worth your time of day.