Younger (much younger) man

[Lily2505]

I’m 63. It’s not that I look “young for my age”; more that I am quite fit physically and am blessed with good skin from my dads side.

I’m three and a half years post a truly awful divorce and have had a number of dates but, they haven’t gone further than a coffee or two.

I’ve met an attractive man. Funny. Clever. Hot. But, where I was hoping for someone the same age or maybe slightly older, he’s ten years younger. I’m flattered but honestly, I’m incredibly nervous about sleeping with this guy. I’m SO aware of the age gap. I’m having a great time. We have fun and laugh together a lot. He too has gone through divorce after a long marriage.

Am I being ridiculous? I ought to be winding down and knitting for my grandkids now, not this!!?

Or, given that women outlive men, an older man and a younger woman makes more sense

Good for you OP. Absolutely nothing wrong with sleeping with him after two months, can't believe that has even been suggested. There are plenty of couples who have shagged on the first date!

There's no reason he can't be a partner either, if everything goes well. Please don't overthink the age thing, it's barely even a 'gap' at your age and clearly he's fine with it. His mother's age has no bearing on anything. Just enjoy and see how it goes.

So, here we are just a week on 🤦‍♀️

I replied the text below to another thread but thought it would make a good update on here …

”I’m 3 years post divorced. I recently ventured into dating again. Just coffee and maybe the odd drink/lunch here and there. Then met a man who thought I was wonderful. Clever, beautiful… all that. For three months we went out, went for walks, did the dates had a lovely time. I slept with him last weekend. I wanted to, no one made be do it.
His texting and reaching out has fallen off a cliff. The “I’ve been thinking about you all day” and “Wish I could be with you” has gone.

Ive tried to be “lighthearted”. No pressure, “had a lovely time… what shall we do next?” stuff but his contact is now minimal “Good morning how’re you doing?” I’m really busy etc etc. I’m upset.
Should I be? Or am I a bit naive or stupid? Back in the day I’ve had casual relationships. I even did a one night stand that lasted all year but this? This has been horrible. He said all the right things… wanted a relationship, wanted a life companion, I was like no one he’d been out with before (🤷🏼‍♀️🤨) and now … breadcrumbs. Maybe, I should have waited longer to have sex with him but honestly, it seemed right at the time. Some friends were of the opinion that a few months was too soon others felt if I found him attractive, it was definitely “time”. Having been married for twenty years, I’m VERY out of touch! It’s a bloody minefield!!
Is he a player? Don’t know. I just wish he’d said at the start “I’m looking for something very casual or just friends”. I’d have gone for the friends bit but not the casual aspect”.

Anyone any ideas of what to do next?

I’m afraid I’d take the good and walk away. You had fun, spent some good time together. It’s not ok because it sounds as if he’d said ‘I want a new name in my little black book’ you’d have said no thanks, but nonetheless there were some enjoyable moments.

Who knows? Could be a player. Could have had some bad news, or be ill, or have been genuine at the time then got cold feet. Still not okay how he's being, but nonetheless I wouldn't over-think it. I'd probably stop messaging him though.

I don't think "holding out" on sex would have made a difference either way. If he is a player, or has recently had bad news or something, he would still have done a vanishing act. Actually it might have been worse. Imagine if he was just looking for sex, and you spent 6 months falling in love, for him to act this way.

Still disappointing though x

Agree with @EmeraldRoulette, ask me how I know it’s not a huge gap 😂

Three months is AGES to wait to have sex. It's classic male behaviour tbh. Don't take it to heart and just move on to the next one.

Bloody hell, it took me years to get around to THIS one!!! 🤣

You're just warming up MyFairLady...you'll get there!😅😘

He’s 53… nobody even notices an age gap when you’re past 35.

I do sometimes have an ick for age gaps, but that's because I worry about one partner trying to control the other/one being at a very different stage in life. I actually think having friends of different ages/associating with family figures of different ages is really positive (and some younger people try to room mate with older people because that is mutually beneficial).
In your case, it's not that big a gap percentage wise, and presumably there's no control issues (an older person who will only date teenagers would be a different thing) and it's not like one of you is desperate to settle down and have kids, so why should there be an issue, if you're both happy? Lots of people in their 60s and 70s at the gym are far fitter than me.

Abandon, and get a better one 🙂

Don’t do anything OP.
its possible that he’s adjusting to the new dynamic of your relationship - or yes, he may have got cold feet. But either way, just get on with your own life and if you still like him when he comes back to you (which he probably will) take it from there

Go for it. Life's too short to worry about 10 measly years

I’m @ChubbyFecker have you read OP’s update? He’s gone cold on her since they DTD

Dated a gal 12 years older, (48-36.). She passed me her phone # at work and asked me to call. It was incredible. It did not last for a variety of reasons not related to age.

Whoops. That update is a bit of a slap in the face - I can imagine even a player coming back for a second helping…if he likes it.

Whether he has experienced buyer’s remorse or that was his plan all along, no one can say.

Write this one off and head back to the drawing board.

Oh, he still texts/calls. We saw each other at the weekend… it’s just list the “You’re amazing… when shall we next meet up?” vibe 🤷🏼‍♀️

LOST. List the … enthusiastic feel. Still very happy to see me.

I may be out of touch … perhaps this is the norm now. As I said, I’ve been in a 20 year marriage.

Op just be careful here he’s not just in it to get laid.

sadly I’ve a divorced male friend who can behave like this, he’s ages with this man, and does date women in their 60s. First I was very surprised, then rather impressed , but it quickly became apparent, that it was often just sex.the women were willing to have sex with him and he was willing to take it when it was on offer. Conversely he love bombs to get to that stage.

and I think you want a lot more, so is he introducing you to his social circle, not just sat one mate, is he dating you, does he ask questions about you, make plans with you, how deep does he go.

the change in communication is a concern if I’m honest. You don’t want to met up with him if it’s just he’s doing it as he’s nothing better to do and knows he will get laid,

He’s really really busy, to be fair. It’s the communication style that’s gone down, to be honest. I feel like I’ve been reeled in, it was all very flattering and he’s very appreciative and sweet in the bedroom but, we don’t have much in common, I guess.

OP, l’m pleased he is back in touch. I think you are in a position now to sit down with him and talk about your expectations.

Really busy men always make time for women they really like. If he's cooling off then it's moved to the casual zone - which is fine if you're happy for an 'as and when' type thing or whether you want more.

But don’t we have to play the “I don’t want anything heavy/we can enjoy ourselves with no strings” routine??

@SirChenjins It’s a bit shit and a total minefield. Not expecting too much/not settling for too little/being told you’re amazingly attractive and clever and how comfortable he is with you… then the cliff edge and having to backpedal on your expectations.

Have I been lovebombed ??? 😂