Wife says I don’t make "any" effort for us

[marcusantonio]

I’m M35 and my wife is F31, and we’ve been having some issues lately.
We have two kids, and I work long hours, usually 9 a.m. to 8 p.m., Monday through Friday. We usually spend Saturday afternoons together as a family, and I try to make sure we have at least one date night a month, just the two of us. On Sundays I manage a golf team, so I’m out from about 8 a.m. to 5 p.m.
For the past year, my wife has been complaining (mostly to her female friends) that I never make plans, that everything is on her, and that I just go along with things without really caring. She makes it sound like I’m disengaged. Also, she is upset at me.
Sometimes I get a Sunday off and I take her with me when I can, but it still feels like she doesn’t believe I’m putting in effort. Now she’s planning a weekend trip for us. I told her I don’t think we really need another trip since we went on one six months ago. She still wants to go, and she’s planning to take her mother and the kids.
I told her she can go if she wants, but I also said again that I don’t think this trip is necessary.
I'm actually doing good as a man, but I don't know why her behaviour is something like this

And there we have it, no come back.

At absolute most you should do golf one afternoon a week plus a single extra night once a month, to spend an entire day with your family each week. Actually, even that isn’t enough family time given you aren’t spending any time whatsoever with your kids in the week - most families where the husband works and has a weekend hobby involve him still spending 3/4 of the weekend daytimes and seven teatimes/bedtimes with wife and kids.

This has to be a reverse??!

You surely can’t think you’re reasonable doing a hobby all day Sunday!!

Unless this is a reverse, to came on a ostensibly women's support network to get women to tell you that your shitty behaviour is what your wife is worth. And that she should be grateful because your "one of the good guys".

You'll be required to have your kids more if she does what she should and divorces you. You won't be managing the golf then will you?

Sometimes I get a Sunday off

Mate. You get every Sunday off.

This has got to be a troll post!

But if it isnt:

Who takes care of the family, home, mental load?

Does your wife get one whole day away for herself every single week?

What do you bring to the table?

We know the answer to these, but go on, humour us.

You don't think a holiday is necessary, she probably doesn't think you opting to not raise your kids is necessary.

How will your life look if she decides to divorce you? 50/50 parenting and doing all your own meals and chores every day. The hobby will have to take a back seat then.
Talk with your wife, start parenting.

(Ugh, just noticed this thread was started 4 days ago)

It's not your wife BU here

108 posts and the OP hasn't been back.

I wouldn't bother.

Does she do paid work?

He's probably very busy golfing.

Incredibly sad that men often marry a women expecting her to be a supporting character in the play that is their life. As opposed to an individual who needs time and space for her own rights, dreams and hobbies.

Imagine having to do all the childcare for 6.5 days per week and never getting a day off. Whilst your 'partner' is never home and spends half the time they do have off, with 'the boys' instead of you.

How soul sucking.

You seem to care more about how you fit 'the man' role (for other mens approval?) than actually being a husband and parent.

You're going to end up alone in that old folks home if you don't change things up. Pack the weekly golf in. Shorten your hours if possible. Spend.time.with.your.family.

Wow totally unbelievable if true. Deluded if he thinks he’s a good partner and father. I’m wondering if he actually sees his children Monday to Friday being out of the house all day. Probably not if they’re young.

No wonder she’s complaining. She got all the house and child admin in her shoulders, probably all or most of the housework, and 96% of the childcare (that 100% for six and a half days and Saturday afternoon when it’s 50/50 - so you cover one-quarter of a day (that’s half a day shared childcare with your partner) in seven days). Does she work too? No time for herself. Yet you get one full day every week to play golf with your buddies (and socialise / lunch out / drink). Sounds to me she’s lucky to get a couple of hours to herself all year (probably collapsing from exhaustion after 8pm). Do you get a nice meal ready and waiting for you?

As others have asked, do you actually like your family? Do you seriously think half a day a week is pulling your weight? One date night a month that you “try” to do plus you went away six months ago together.

Unbelievably selfish.

A one day a week husband.

The bar is in hell.

Is this for real?

You won’t be able to golf every Sunday when she divorces you and you have to have the kids every other weekend. Why not start there and maybe salvage your marriage instead?

Yeah you’re taking the piss. You’ll realise when she leaves you!

My partner would never consider leaving me and kids every weekend for a full day. He would miss kids too much! They are school all week and only home those 2 days, we go shopping, music lessons, sport swimming, baking , pizza, play board games, watch a film…he would dream of missing out on that for golf!!

Ths episode of jackanory has run it's course.

You are SO unreasonable. She might as well be single.

He's a selfish loser AND a coward