Wife says I don’t make "any" effort for us

[marcusantonio]

I’m M35 and my wife is F31, and we’ve been having some issues lately.
We have two kids, and I work long hours, usually 9 a.m. to 8 p.m., Monday through Friday. We usually spend Saturday afternoons together as a family, and I try to make sure we have at least one date night a month, just the two of us. On Sundays I manage a golf team, so I’m out from about 8 a.m. to 5 p.m.
For the past year, my wife has been complaining (mostly to her female friends) that I never make plans, that everything is on her, and that I just go along with things without really caring. She makes it sound like I’m disengaged. Also, she is upset at me.
Sometimes I get a Sunday off and I take her with me when I can, but it still feels like she doesn’t believe I’m putting in effort. Now she’s planning a weekend trip for us. I told her I don’t think we really need another trip since we went on one six months ago. She still wants to go, and she’s planning to take her mother and the kids.
I told her she can go if she wants, but I also said again that I don’t think this trip is necessary.
I'm actually doing good as a man, but I don't know why her behaviour is something like this

I’m sure it’s a reverse. V tedious, just post straightforwardly!

Op - you sound like a 1970s sitcom character. Which isn't a good look these days. You're doing your whole family a disservice, yourself included.

My children are now in their twenties and let me tell you, every drop of their childhoods was precious to me and DH. Do what you HAVE to do - make a good living etc - but things you don't have to do? Nope - share that time with your family. Trust me, it's more fun. You'll thank me for that advice.

your wife is right!

when do you look after the kids so she can have a break?

your work hours are insane - 55 hours a week?! Start looking for a new job with a lot less hours. OR stop with the golf team!

my friend was in a similar relationship. She asked over and over for her husband to alter things because she couldn’t do it. He didn’t. She’s now happily married ….. to someone else.

"The divorce came out of nowhere"

This can’t be real! Nobody has such little self-awareness.
Im guessing a competition to see which post can get the most replies!

Where's the laughing emoji when you need it?

Not a chance would I put up with your treatment and lack of effort. You give more effort to golf than your wife.

So you sound like you want her to be grateful with whatever you are willing to give her, whenever you are willing to give it.

But you aren't willing to listen to what she wants, or what's important to her. Your life revolves around what's important to you. What's important to your wife and your kids, and how are you enabling it?

Do you see her as a human being with equal value?

If you flip this, she doesn't think you're making any effort, but what effort do you feel you're making? From an outsider perspective you sound very disengaged but presumably you don't feel that's the case.
You must barely see the kids during the week and your wife only briefly, and then you're choosing to spend half the weekend equally distant from them. When and how do you feel you're putting the effort in to spend quality time with the woman you chose to spend your life with and the kids you chose to bring in to the world?

Is “doing good as a man” code for “doing better than my dad who did nothing” or what other men say they do at home?

You are one of many I expect.

What's the bet that @marcusantonio doesn't come back as he isn't getting the pat on the head telling him what a wonderful husband and father he is and instead is being told his wife is correct hes a shit husband and father

Your kids only see you one afternoon a week?

Doing good as a man? By whose standards?

People like him only post this shit to get a rise. The comments can be funny though.

Your wife is right, you are disengaged and if you don't make drastic changes you'll also soon be divorced. She's telling you, but you aren't hearing her.

You are totally disengaged and out 6 days a week one through choice. She would be better of being a single parent

This was also posted on reddit - with the OP deleted by a moderator. Make of that what you will ...

Be honest you don’t want to miss your golf for the weekend away. The golf is your priority and that is the issue it is as simple as that.

so do you want to save your marriage or continue playing golf because I suspect an ultimatum could be coming

I can believe this post isn’t real yes.

I would be shocked if there aren’t numerous men who do actually think this

This a weird post.....

I suppose a good question to ask yourself is if you swapped lives (and you did all the childcare and housework your wife does and she did all the golfing) would YOU be happy with your life?

Also...What are you doing Saturday AM???

Personally i wouldnt be happy /stay married to you and i dont think your are "doing good as man".

Interesting…I had just reported the thread as I don’t think it’s genuine and when it refreshed I read this. I’m sure we’ll find out soon if it goes pooooof!

You have a whole day a week for your golf! You're lucky your marriage has lasted this long. Utterly selfish behaviour.

It’s code for ‘I don’t hit her’

This.