What would you make of this msg…

[Nameuser321]

These are not the exact words btw…
this was sent after a night out.

sorry my performance was shit
don’t worry i get anxiety sometimes too

this was between 2 men after a group night out

OP how sure are you this is a man he is texting, and not a woman but whose number is saved under a male name?

The apology would be more about skills and/or appreciative noises than performance though.

Yes, most sex clubs have one night a week - or a specific area - where single men are allowed in, for those that like that swinging variation.

It's 100% another woman. Or he's having sex with the man. I have experienced this exact thing.

It didn’t seem like a woman but u could be wrong
and the pill is confusing me
and ges always accusing me of being gay

It sounds very sexual to me. I was going to say are u sure it's not a woman. The reply about getting anxiety too sounds like a woman, but the accusing you of being gay is a massive red flag. My ex always accused me of doing what he was exactly doing. Im sorry.

Perhaps he was not feeling like drinking and they normally shared rounds! 🤣 There are things that can be prescribed for paranoia you know.

Interesting that you’re so knowledgeable on such things!

OP, this has made me very sad. Obviously these messages are weird and suspect and he's taking viagra to cheat on you somehow, but he is also just not nice to you. I hope you can sort out some kind of financial security and home for you and your DC and that you wont have to put up with any more abuse.

It's a flag for me too that he accuses you of being gay, it always seems to be the thing they are doing themselves that they accuse their partner of.

@ has he possibly saved a woman’s number under his mates name? (Apart from gay sex), that’s the most likely explanation. He wouldn’t have sent a sexual sounding message to his mate!

Gay xx

Ok is it a woman saved under a man’s name?

Do you think he might be gay?

He is definitely up to something.

Mmmmm. Were both parties definitely heterosexual male friends or is there a chance one party was a female saved under a pseudonym?

Maybe he meant his drinking performance wasn't as good as usual.

The thing is @Dollymylove he barely goes out
doesn’t really have close friends, but i do know he went with the guys he said he was going with as i seen a msg from one of them what said he was going to pick him up on way

thank you @Apileofballyhoo

It's all part of life's rich tapestry 😎

When I hear performance in this context I think football or sex. It doesn't sound like the former was on the cards. Darts, quizzing etc., yes, some men might use the word performance to describe them, but I can't imagine many men replying referencing anxiety about a pub quiz. The juxtaposition of the two words "performance" and "anxiety" is also quite telling and obviously references sex, whether consciously or not. It doesn't sound good and with the Viagra as well, I suspect you know what's going on here and should probably either do some more digging or just start making plans to leave.

Thank you @Clementine183 i really appreciate the help as ive not spoken in real life to anyone

Performance to mean drinking ability? Or performance ie his behaviour out with the group? ie wasn’t on great form - was anxious/quiet etc

I don’t think he’s talking about his sexual performance - you say he hardly goes out - I think it’s his social performance - social form

Definitely sounds sexual, did he come home really late? Did he seem guilty or ashamed?

Listen @Nameuser321 you say the relationship is shit, that he’s abusive etc, so why do you care if he’s on the way out?

line up your ducks and protect yourself and look for the nearest exit.

let him go

This IS a blessing.

Sounds like someone couldn't get or keep it up.

Men won’t apologise for being crap at an activity.