Aibu to think there’s no future with him when he keeps giving me a uti

[Blueneptune]

Maybe I should have posted this on aibu but as a newbie, it’s gentler here…

So the back story is after twenty years I escaped from a brutal marriage four years ago and after much therapy and staring life again I met someone. My intimate life with the ex had left me a shell of myself and I doubted whether I would ever be able to allow someone to touch me though I longed for kind human touch and even some kind proper sex.

Nine months ago, I met someone who seemed to think I was beautiful (I’m old though) and held my hand and stroked my hair and very slowly we began spending nights together. Lots of nice kissing.

Then I got a nasty uti (not the usual ecoli) in the summer. I have never had one before. Since then, I have been on endless antibiotics and life has been turned upside down. At the same time, he began to get frustrated and annoyed even somewhat angry at the lack of sexual activity. I am under the care of a hospital now with months of antibiotics to come. To make things even worse, I had a severe and rare and frightening allergic reaction to one which landed me in hospital and I was very ill for over two weeks dealing with this and again lots of trips to the hospital.

in dark moments, I think that I will never be able to have sex again. That I will get another uti from him.

My former husband gave me an std.

i have heard that getting terrible/ frequent utis is your body’s way of rejecting a new man. I could not bear to get this again. It’s actually been really frightening. Should I just forget this relationship? I’m so sad about the kissing and the lovely holding.

I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through, @Blueneptune - the abusive marriage, the UTIs, the hospital stay and this new abusive partner.

The good news is that it is in your power to make a peaceful life for yourself. I wish you happiness and comfort.

RE the recurrent UTIs, I found this really helped me when antibiotics made me unwell: https://www.amazon.co.uk/High-Strength-Mannose-Capsules-2000mg/dp/B0CQ1Y7H9N

There is a doctor in the us who believes that some recurrent utis are “sexually related” and that the male partner can be an asymptomatic carrier and should be treated also. He’s done some research into this (involving swabbing the male partner). I’m not at all saying this is what happened in my case. I just would have liked him to wash his hands well with soap just because he knew how long I had been unwell for and how concerned and exhausted I was. And he knew that that the doctor had recommended it (and I said to him that the doctor said we should both wash our hands after pooing so I didn’t target him).

How do you know?

Oh, hun 🤦🏼‍♀️

Thank you for saying kind things. I’m actually someone who’s quite sensible but it’s hard to get perspective until u take a step back. I think also that you have all managed collectively to give me the ick about him!! So I can’t actually see myself wanting to touch him again. Bleuch. I think I will have to get that long hot water bottle someone suggested for comfort and maybe a dog next year once this uti gets sorted out. Honestly hard lesson- health first.

This whole thing makes me feel physically sick. Please dump him.

Are you an age where you might be in perimenopause? Because that can make you more prone to UTIs, so HRT might help. (I'd assume doctors would know that though!)

Oestrogen cream is recommended to prevent UTIs as others have said going forward.

He is NO good ..and quite yucky

LTB

honestly that’s the solution.
dump him by text.
your health is the most important thing.

Thank you and yes been on this for ages.

If he doesn't like condoms that means he doesn't use them in general OP. I was not suggesting cheating but you don't always know if you have something. I would get checked out since you keep having issues. It could be something like BV.

You're really up a creek here because you're allergic to one of the antibx that will kill off the strain you've got, and the other has stopped working. You have to put your health first and for sex, that requires strict hand washing of partner's hands and genitals. That's non negotiable. Now he wants oral sex and you could develop an oral infection on top of the recurrent UTI.

This is a no brainer if you want to be healthy.

If you haven't had STI testing since you've been seeing this guy, get it done.

you have all managed collectively to give me the ick about him!! So I can’t actually see myself wanting to touch him again.

Result!!! 😎

We are talking about utis which are urinary tract infections, ie the urinary tract, peeing after sex is to flush any bacteria that’s been pushed into the urinary tract by the rubbing motion and general action of sex.

Why are you confused?

Because it’s a urinary tract infection and that is why the advice is to pee after sex. Same hole..

“Such pressure to give him a blow job…”

Nah.

A dog for company, and a womaniser for orgasms- sorted.