DH suggested sex elsewhere

[Jmess]

So a little va k my fb out of the blue whilst getting trainers on for gym says maybe he ought to have sex elsewhere - with someone else as he and I do rarely do
his sex drive has been higher than mine always-
he said it kinda with humour but was clearly questioning it -
I told him ok yeah go ahead , decided not to play into it other than “ok mate you try it crack on “
which seemed to baffle him he thought I was serious -clearly not what he anticipated!
off he goes to the gym
afterwards
he says he wasn’t really meaning it
and laughed at himself for not knowing what the hell to do in that situation anyway!
we moved on
seemingly forgot about it.
but it has pissed me off and I never believed for a second he would do something - I know he’s really not the sort in 30 yrs to be unfaithful with anyone else. He never had the time anyway and pretty useless on social media doesn’t do fb
I’m not being naive
I know him
except for the fact he brought it up like that at all.
he has a reputation for saying things without thinking within the family .
just wanted some thoughts on this. X

How often is "rarely"?

So a little va k my fb out of the blue whilst getting trainers on for gym says maybe he ought to have sex elsewhere

What does "va k my fb" mean?

I’d be worried someone at the gym has caught his eye.
Not saying he would do anything, but the thought has obviously crossed his mind.

He is giving you a very clear message that he is unhappy with the frequency/quality of your sex life.

Whether you heed that is up to you.

I think its time to address the issue OP. Its a big part of a relationship...

I’m not being naive

Well i'm sorry OP but i think you are.

He has made this comment for a reason and you should be taking it seriously.

He’s a dick.

Well done on calling his bluff and putting him on the back foot. Men love a bit of ego fluffing/fighting for them bs.

That said, it's now obvious the lack of sex is an issue, so I suggest you both have an adult conversation about what this means for your marriage and if it's something you both can/wish to fix.

I think you should have a conversation with him before you get a nasty surprise. This hasn't been said for no good reason.

So he tried to coerce you in to more sex that you don’t want with him, and you didn’t bow down to him. Good for you.
but also, 30 years, kids presumably gone, incompatible sex wise, I’d just end it.

He's telling you he's got someone else lined up to have sex with. Probably at the gym. You are being very naive OP. Absolutely anyone can be unfaithful. There is no specific type and no particular circumstances required. He's sending you a message but you're not listening.

I just don’t understand the first sentence of your post - what is a ‘little va k my fb’?

He’s either trying to bring up the topic of lack of sex because he’s not happy or because of the lack of sex his head has been turned. It was probably just a lame attempt at a joke to try let you know he’s unhappy and wants more sex. Have you both ever had a conversation about it?

What do you mean by he 'rarely' sleeps with someone else?

This.

It was a naff joke, but maybe it's a clumsy attempt to open a conversation about the lack of sex in your relationship.

Do you both comfortably talk about things, or do they get ignored and swept under the rug? What's the rest of the relationship like? Is there non-sexual intimacy and affection?

OP this was him clumsily opening the conversation that he's not happy with your sex life.

Have you actually talked about the imbalance in your sex drives? Like how often is "rarely"?

So he made a sort of risky joke about being celibate, though he would like to be in a sexual relationship. His clumsy comment is him trying to open a discussion about it. That's how I read it. Instead of being cross, you need to have a chat about it.

He's either saying it to express his sadness at your sexless marriage, and to trigger a conversation about how to improve your sex drive. Or he's desperate and doesn't think your sex drive will increase and therefore he's facing a sexless rest of his life. I wouldn't take it as an insult or dig but more of a cry for help?

Have the conversation, be open and honest about your sex lives and what you can both do to increase happiness. Maybe non sexual intimacy is what he needs more of if your sex drive isn't high. Maybe get some sex toys or something so you don't have to have sex every time you're intimate.

Op, he's thinking about it. Doesnt matter that he isn't on facebook. You say he isn't the sort the cheat, anyone in a sexless relationship is the sort to cheat.

Take it is a wake up call to maybe invest in your relationship a bit.

Sorry for typos it starts with

SO A LITTLE WAY BACK

So a little way back

We’ve always been out of balance with sex drives! He’s not the best I’ve experienced either and after three kids and 30 yrs together I didn’t think it was that bad

Varied
maybe once a weekend
or once in three weeks
there’s been times in past it’s been couple of months.

It’s not that type of gym it’s a little local one

He’s shit at intimacy without sex that’s my issue with him!