DH suggested sex elsewhere

[Jmess]

So a little va k my fb out of the blue whilst getting trainers on for gym says maybe he ought to have sex elsewhere - with someone else as he and I do rarely do
his sex drive has been higher than mine always-
he said it kinda with humour but was clearly questioning it -
I told him ok yeah go ahead , decided not to play into it other than “ok mate you try it crack on “
which seemed to baffle him he thought I was serious -clearly not what he anticipated!
off he goes to the gym
afterwards
he says he wasn’t really meaning it
and laughed at himself for not knowing what the hell to do in that situation anyway!
we moved on
seemingly forgot about it.
but it has pissed me off and I never believed for a second he would do something - I know he’s really not the sort in 30 yrs to be unfaithful with anyone else. He never had the time anyway and pretty useless on social media doesn’t do fb
I’m not being naive
I know him
except for the fact he brought it up like that at all.
he has a reputation for saying things without thinking within the family .
just wanted some thoughts on this. X

I haven’t stayed on the thread.

@Jmess You are sorted with your hrt so it sounds like you are just not attracted to him any more. If its not that and you feel it's his behaviour that's causing issues maybe consider couples counselling and see if there's a way forward. If you still continue to be incompatible then maybe it's time to part ways.

Thanks hit you reply
we had counselling a couple of years ago at the point of breaking up
it didn’t resolve everything in fact our last session was kinda time to separate!
but we both came bk round and stayed together.
but stuff keeps. Coming up and tbh the last month I’ve felt it’s time to face facts.
I’m not v happy
neither of us are really brave enough to do it
and we are set up ok and can get on a lot if the time .
too good to go
not good enough to stay …

Why aren’t you happy OP ?
You say you get on good a lot of the time , you’re not in a sexless marriage, I know your husband wants more but you two can work on that together to be fair .. Like are you still attracted to him ?
It’s just there is only a few good men out there , I really don’t mean you should stay put in an unhappy marriage, I’m 50 ( well 50 Tuesday 😂) , I’m separated 10 years .. Didn’t put myself out there for a number of years , I’ve met nice men but something always quite not right 🤷🏻‍♀️..

Oh yeah I can’t imagine finding a man after this relationship -just want peace .
I can imagine there’s always something not quite right!
it’s long and complex why I’m not that happy but ultimately just swept stuff away too often til there’s a pile you keep tripping over.
well done for starting again though and birthday wishes 🥂
guess I just don’t fancy him enough anymore 🤷🏼‍♀️

We were sleeping separately for 2 years before break up ..
I hadn’t loved him for a long time , there was no sex at all , I had zero attraction to him ..
There was no cheating but massive problems..
I wanted out while the kids were still young , I didn’t want them to grow up thinking this is the way it’s supposed to be , mom & dad in separate rooms , we grew into completely different people so had very little in common, so nothing to talk about 🤷🏻‍♀️ ..
I’ve never looked back ..

Thankyou for my birthday wishes x

Oh my goodness
Ive m oved into my own room a few yrs ago too!
started once eldest moved out because his snoring disturbed me too much then got fed up with moving at 2 am and having to go bk to sleep so moved permanently.
but we still have sex as I’ve said.
can’t take the bickering and shouts etc that keep going round on loop x
enjoy your birthday 🎈

The fact you still have sex though , like I didn’t want him to touch me being honest ..
If there is more sad faces than smiles , well then relationship is in trouble ..
We need to be with people who bring out the best in us , he brought out the worst in me being truthful & I hated it ..
That’s definitely not how it’s supposed to be …

I’m questioning the version of me with him
apart from could be happier I’m bored of it
🤷🏼‍♀️😆

like do you still enjoy his company?
Sitting together & chatting, going for drives/ walks , something to eat together , whatever 🤷🏻‍♀️

@Jmess As you've tried couples counselling and it clarified you should split up then l think it's time to do so. It sounds like your relationship has run out of steam and you are no longer compatible. You say you're not happy and the circular arguments and shouting sound miserable. You've admitted you have swept things under the carpet for too long so it sounds like you now need to take steps to separate and claim a peaceful and happier future.

There's a saying 'many a true word, spoken in jest'. He may have told you the comment was a joke, but I think it was an attempt to tell you that he's not happy with your sex life. It was clumsy and he clearly wasn't expecting your reaction. You need to sit down and have a conversation with him, because this comment wasn't said for no reason.