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Original poster

Would you stay friends with an ex if you’re both in new relationships?

31 replies

Alyah · 06/11/2025 02:41

A friend of mine was talking about this recently — she’s still on friendly terms with her ex, and they meet up now and then just to catch up. Her new partner isn’t very happy about it and says it’s not really appropriate once you’re in a new relationship.
She insists it’s purely friendship and that cutting him off feels unnecessary since there are no feelings left.
It got me thinking — can people genuinely stay friends with an ex without it causing tension, or is it always a bit of a bad idea once new partners are involved?

OP posts:
cool4cats2020 · 06/11/2025 14:35

I think it's ok if part of a friendship group, but regularly spending time one to one with an ex is a bit off. The message to your current partner is that you'd rather be spending time with an ex than with them.

I'm on speaking terms with all my exes, but we don't hang out together. Occasionally I'll meet up some of them within a big group social as we have a lot of mutual friends, but we don't go out of our way to see each other.

StripyShirt · 06/11/2025 14:58

It needn't be an issue. I'm on good terms with my ex's and catch up occasionally.

My partner isn't keen, but there are no grounds for that.

Original poster
Alyah · 10/11/2025 03:38

StripyShirt · 06/11/2025 14:58

It needn't be an issue. I'm on good terms with my ex's and catch up occasionally.

My partner isn't keen, but there are no grounds for that.

I think it really depends on the people involved and how secure everyone feels. If there’s no drama or old feelings, it shouldn’t have to be a big deal.

OP posts:
Original poster
Alyah · 10/11/2025 03:39

Gottocopebymyself · 06/11/2025 05:16

The important thing about your friend's situation is that her current partner isn't happy about her meeting up with her ex.
If she cares about her current partner and it is supposed to be a serious relationship then you would think she would prioritise his feelings and stop contact with her ex.

The situation that @bobcat1987
where her H is apparently happy for her to spend her birthday with her ex, go on dates with him and sleep in the same bed as him sounds more like an open marriage than a monogamous one.

It’s definitely a tricky balance — you want to respect your partner’s feelings, but it also depends on the level of trust in the relationship. Everyone’s boundaries are a bit different, I guess.

OP posts:
mondaytosunday · 10/11/2025 05:43

I even lived with an ex as flatmates for a year a couple of years after we split. We just got on well. I’m still in touch with him 40 years later!
Most exes I’m not in touch with as just moved on but with a couple we have mutual friends and are in the same social circles. So I do see them and meet to catch up. I think a bit of time passing makes it easier to be friends.

HelloCharming · 10/11/2025 08:29

DH is friends with his ex, as am I, I really didn’t mind, I trust my DH and know he’s not going back there. They co parent well, we’ve been together years now…it’s easier than the alternative! People can be friends with exes.

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