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Original poster

My Fiance told another woman he fantasises about her

79 replies

holida · 01/11/2025 01:50

I’m so upset right now but I’m not sure if I’m being dramatic?!

Me and OH were at a large group party. One of my closest friends is really struggling atm as she is recently single after 6 year relationship OH is aware of this.

she confided in him in a conversation and said she felt really alone and unwanted. His reply back to her was ‘don’t worry even I fantasise about you’
i have asked him what happened next and apparently the conversation fizzled out.

He proudly told me what he said to her in the taxi on the way home. Am I unreasonable for thinking this is awful of him? :(

OP posts:
MsSmartShoes · 01/11/2025 01:52

i would be upset and outraged.

Safxxx · 01/11/2025 01:59

Wow so he openly told you and is proud of it...I'd be outraged ...you better keep a close eye on him, next he will make his fantasy come true with her.

mammat72 · 01/11/2025 02:01

it does'nt matter about others opinions, its about how you feel. he obviously thought he was making her feel better, but obviously said somthing really stupid rather than dont worry anyone would be lucky to have you. bear in mind the following has he dont anything like this before, was he drunk and said the wrong thing,i think its somthing you need to calmly address with him if you are not happy with his behavior

TriggeredNameChanger · 01/11/2025 02:06

He’d be my ex fiancé, that’s for sure.

He basically decided to shoot his shot with your friend and the ONLY reason he told you is because your friend wasn’t interested; he’s telling you first before she can so he can control the narrative and do damage control i.e. downplay it as a clumsy compliment / just trying to make her feel better etc. The bravado is part of the act, he’s acting like he didn’t do anything wrong / no big deal to try and influence your reaction.

If your friend had reciprocated, there’s no way he would have told you; he’d instead be planning how to start an affair.

Splendidbouquet · 01/11/2025 04:57

Well you will never be able to trust him around your friend now he has come out into the open that he fancies her.

You will probably never be able to trust him around any of your friends.

I don't think there is any point in marrying a man who is clearly lusting after other women.

Mothership4two · 01/11/2025 05:03

OP you are not being dramatic and yes that was awful of him (understatement). That would have been a deal breaker for me.

I can't understand why he would think that would be acceptable (saying it to her and then telling you). Imagine how he would react if you had done the same thing?

smallsilvercloud · 01/11/2025 05:14

Call off the wedding and dump him, also if your friend doesn’t tell you, I’d ditch her also.
Don’t ever forgive his behaviour, it will keep happening, the fool has done you a favour to get out while you can.

BreakingBroken · 01/11/2025 05:46

Well he crossed the line with that inappropriate comment.
Had he been drinking? It’s a really stupid thing to say.

thepariscrimefiles · 01/11/2025 06:41

What the fuck is the matter with him? That was so inappropriate and yet he is boasting to you about what he said.

I'd dump him for his stupidity as well as his inappropriate and disloyal behaviour.

VoodooQualities · 01/11/2025 06:43

So many responses here blaming him!

It's hardly suitable party chit-chat to tell a man you feel alone and unwanted. If someone said that to me at a party I'd think they were a bit unhinged and (especially if I was half drunk) probably I'd blurt out something off the cuff to try to make them feel better too. Then I'd let the conversation fizzle out.

VoodooQualities · 01/11/2025 07:04

And several of you actually advising the OP to leave her fiance!

Over one drunk unsuitable comment he blurted out, triggered by a woman saying something totally unsuitable to him first.

You lot are absolutely insane.

cloudtreecarpet · 01/11/2025 07:05

Sounds like a silly, flippant comment to make her feel better as part of an awkward, uncomfortable conversation.
It was on obviously misjudged but if everything else in your relationship is fine then I think you are over reacting.

Also the fact he told you about it says that there is no weight behind it otherwise why on earth would he mention it?

Deep down do you have doubts about your partner & feel you can't 100% trust him?

CharlotteSometimes1 · 01/11/2025 07:09

It sounds like a clumsy attempt to reassure her, but I wouldn’t like it. Firstly how bloody egotistical that he thinks that knowing about his fantasies would make it all right and secondly how thoughtless and disrespectful towards you.

Menocandoone · 01/11/2025 07:11

cloudtreecarpet · 01/11/2025 07:05

Sounds like a silly, flippant comment to make her feel better as part of an awkward, uncomfortable conversation.
It was on obviously misjudged but if everything else in your relationship is fine then I think you are over reacting.

Also the fact he told you about it says that there is no weight behind it otherwise why on earth would he mention it?

Deep down do you have doubts about your partner & feel you can't 100% trust him?

Agree with this. It was clumsy and a bit dim of him but it doesn’t sound like he meant anything inappropriate? He was trying (and probably failing!) to make her feel better and he told you about it, because he was pleased with himself 🤦‍♀️
A lot of men have the emotional intelligence of a teaspoon, throw in a few drinks and….this is what you get.
Tell him how you feel today, I think he’ll be mortified.

TattooStan · 01/11/2025 07:15

I'd never be able to come back from that. Sure, most people fantasise about all sorts - I do. But to share it in that way, with a friend of your partner? Absolutely not acceptable.

MrsLizzieDarcy · 01/11/2025 07:22

Why was your friend having this intense and intimate conversation with him in the first place? It's not for her to be talking to your fiance about, surely.

I would be a little wary of both of them going forwards to be honest.

cloudtreecarpet · 01/11/2025 07:35

TattooStan · 01/11/2025 07:15

I'd never be able to come back from that. Sure, most people fantasise about all sorts - I do. But to share it in that way, with a friend of your partner? Absolutely not acceptable.

Do you honestly think if he does really fantasise about her he would then tell his fiance about it on the way home??

I mean, is anyone that stupid?

OchreRaven · 01/11/2025 07:37

I would be upset. Your friend now thinks your husband to be fantasises about her. She’s going to go to your wedding thinking he will be thinking of her over the years. I’m not saying it’s her fault — it’s his. But it would make me so uncomfortable knowing she thought this. And if it is true and he is fantasising about her how are you supposed to feel about that? Wondering when you are having sex whether he is thinking about her?

Telling you what he said shows an immaturity and a lack of appropriate boundaries. For me that would be very worrying if I was committing my life to him.

He could have also told you because it wasn’t received by your friend as he hoped (with intent to flirt / cheat) and he’s getting his narrative in there first in case she decides to tell you.

I would be having a serious conversation with him today and also checking with your friend to how she took what he said. You don’t want to marry this man and find out years later he’s a serial cheat.

TattooStan · 01/11/2025 07:37

cloudtreecarpet · 01/11/2025 07:35

Do you honestly think if he does really fantasise about her he would then tell his fiance about it on the way home??

I mean, is anyone that stupid?

Show quote history

I assume he might be that stupid, yes!

Cinnamon77 · 01/11/2025 07:39

He sounds quite immature but the fact he told you proudly suggests he genuinely thought he was doing something altruistic

Zempy · 01/11/2025 07:40

Ex fiancé

Isayitasitis · 01/11/2025 07:41

TriggeredNameChanger · 01/11/2025 02:06

He’d be my ex fiancé, that’s for sure.

He basically decided to shoot his shot with your friend and the ONLY reason he told you is because your friend wasn’t interested; he’s telling you first before she can so he can control the narrative and do damage control i.e. downplay it as a clumsy compliment / just trying to make her feel better etc. The bravado is part of the act, he’s acting like he didn’t do anything wrong / no big deal to try and influence your reaction.

If your friend had reciprocated, there’s no way he would have told you; he’d instead be planning how to start an affair.

This

cloudtreecarpet · 01/11/2025 07:42

I think the real problem here isn't what he said but the fact that it has freaked the OP out.
It shows an insecurity in the relationship that she thinks he could have been serious and presumably might act on it.

Surely in a secure relationship you would see this as a silly comment and brush it off?

Umy15r03lcha1 · 01/11/2025 08:31

OMG I wouldn't be marrying him.

LomotheGreat · 01/11/2025 09:09

They can be so stupid - especially when there is drink onboard.

It's a sticky situation. If it was me in your shoes, my issue would be my mate thinking my OH thinks of her when he is having sex with me (or himself). What is that bothers you about it?

For what it's worth, I think you have every right to be dramatic about it!