Is there something wrong with me??

[Pinkfuzzyoctopus]

Hi,

Quick background: in a long term relationship, split, two situationships (I hate that word but it’s the only way I can describe them), one of them I really, really liked (you can read about that shambles in my previous post), decide to get back on the dating apps.

Here is where my problem lies. I am on Tinder, Bumble and Hinge and I find myself skipping almost every single man. I am swiping or pressing the cross whilst saying ‘nope’. I’ve ran out of men in my local area 😂 I have swiped right or liked a couple then they end up in my inbox and I just get the ick instantly with their shit patter and cheesy lines. Calling me babe in the first message is just 🤦🏼‍♀️

What is wrong with me? I know I am still hung up on my previous disaster so maybe I am scrolling past as I still have feelings for him and don’t want anyone but him but man alive there must be one that can turn my head 😂

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend 🩷 x

I’m in a similar situation and have also run out of men in my local area! The profiles are awful. No effort, no bio, awful pictures and I automatically swipe left on the ones that are clearly married.
I’ve extended my age range and distance slightly and it’s no better.
One of my rare matches called me ‘sweet chops’ yesterday 🤮
I’d focus on living a happy life. Go out with friends, do things you enjoy and you might meet someone IRL. I did a couple of weeks ago. Although he’s not what I want a bit of flirting was nice.
You might meet someone when you least expect it, and if you don’t, enjoy the fact you don’t have a god awful man like most of the posters on here!

There's nothing wrong with you at all.

Far fewer men, past a certain age, seem to take care of themselves. Very easy to not be attracted to any of them. As I've got older, I am much more selective. There's nothing wrong with that.

Time to look elsewhere.

This is Mother Nature's way of telling you that you're not in the right frame of mind for a relationship at the moment. Your hormones are yelling the ick at you loud and clear. Maybe leave it six months and then start again. Or start a new hobby, something that brings you into contact with other people without the 'potential partner' elephant in the room - you are just friends because of the hobby.

The right person is out there, but you ain't ready for them yet.

There is nothing wrong with you OP, just the type of men who tend to go on these sites these days (and be thankful you've recognised them before actually going on a date). You'd have a far better chance of finding someone IRL by getting out and about, taking up a mixed sex hobby or sport. Padel is the "in" sport and a good way to meet new people.

Maybe just be single for a while? If you're still getting over your last situationship (not sure what this means!) it sounds like you're not in the right headspace to be dating? Why not have a break, focus on you and making your life as full and rewarding as you can?

Find a way of making a life for yourself that doesn’t depend on a man.

Education, friendships, hobbies, fitness, healthy food, volunteering, travelling……. The possibilities are endless.

Put yourself first. Always.

Maybe your subconscious is telling you you just want to be single for a while?

Nothing wrong with you at all. I’m the same and so are my friends.
We’re all 50+ and the men on offer are just not appealing enough to give up our peace.

It’s not a case of not being ready, I’ve been single 6 years now, I’ve been on dates but honestly the dating pool is very shallow.

Ive hot a great social circle and i think when youre happy in your single life, it would take someone very special to want to give that up,

The men i know on dating apps set their target age a lot lower than their own. So you may miss the matches of people you would get on with IRL…meeting people outside the internet would be better but not sure how anymore! Cycling or crossfit maybe?

Why do you assume it is something wrong with you?

Sweet chops 🤣🤣🤣 I know, I see some of the posts on here and think my god these men are just absolute scumbags.

Give yourself some breathing space - you don't have to rush into another 'situationship' - you will be fine on your own for a bit. If your previous relationship was a train wreck, you need time to recover and take stock. What do you really want from a partner - are you looking for a long term commitment?

Why do people say the same old shit about staying single, joining a club, meeting people irl.

It’s not helpful and it patronising as fuck.

Because the OP hadn't said he's thought about or is doing any of this.

There's nothing wrong with you, you can just see the human dross for what it is. But why do you think you need a man? Why not enjoy being free and single and learn to be happy without a man? That would set you up for so much personal independence and make you utterly desirable to men, if and when you deign to grace one with your company 😁

You're looking for a man to fill a need only you can fill. This is time to decentralise men. If you found out you never ever meet one what would you do to make your life beautiful? Go do that. Work on attachment style love language inner child healing. They give you the ick because the inner work is calling

ah yeah. Bet they’ve never thought of it.

It must be awkward the same 30 men from the same area to date the same 30 women

I agree OP, slim pickings. Which is why I don't take it very seriously and tey and fill my time with other things. Also I'm at an age when all the blokes look really OLD. I am maybe too specific in my profile and these fellas don't say enough to catch my interest. One profile I read said, "easygoing". That was it!

The impression I get from a Facebook group called ‘Enough chit chat let’s talk about my p*nis’ is that most of the men on these apps are time wasters at best and fetishists at worst. I doubt it’s you that’s the problem.

How attractive are you OP?

Unless you're a supermodel, it's ridiculous to suggest that you've "run out of men".

You'll never find a relationship or anything else if you remain so judgmental. Look for men who are a similar level of attractivness to you. Start there and see what happens.

I’ve ran out of men in my area on the dating apps, what has that got to do with how attractive I am?

I’m not judgemental at all, I just don’t find anyone I am attracted to both physically and personality wise.

I haven’t left a long term abusive relationship to then settle for the first male that pops up on Tinder or Bumble.

Most of us totally understand what you’re saying and no you’re not being judgemental.

I don’t know anyone who has had a relationship from meeting online - and I’d say it’s very common to run out of men in your area (though some apps use that to try and get you to pay)

The pickings are very slim - and I speak as someone who has a wide mixed circle, am very active socially and haven’t met anyone suitable in the wild either in 6 years.

No one should settle for someone just to have a man - I’d rather be single tbh than settle

I just wonder if I’m too picky or if I’m not destined to find anyone.